Venting I decided to give life one last chance before making my decision and i failed miserably

[Pedrester]

I spent most of high school depressed and constantly contemplating suicide. My grades were shit, my social skills were worse and the only way I could be any sociable was when I was wasted at parties, being the laughing stock pretty much.
I decided to risk everything and give life one last try. I took some exams that replaced my high school grades. Got into a great university out of the country. Moved completely alone for a fresh new start. Life finally seemed worth living as this looked like the opportunity to reinvent myself. I fucked up everything. I couldn't make any proper friends at the beginning, eventually, I start to get along with my flatmates and the entire block. I thought I had a nice group of friends for once since primary school. I was even able to get into the "friends group chat".
They started pushing me out. They all went shopping without me. Just spent night somewhere else without telling me anything. I still got invited some things, but only when most of the block was invited. Today was the breaking point. My entire flat and a couple others have gotten plans for second-year accommodation and they left me out of it. Worst part they talk about it in front of me just like I'm not there. I don't really blame them. I can't start a conversation and I'm even worst at keeping one. Being around me is pretty much a really long awkward silence. I don't blame them. If I were them I wouldn't like me either. I'm pretty sure they have a new group chat without me.
I swear on my life I tried. I just tired of trying. I can't take this anymore. I'm starting a job at KFC and already got a contact to get N. I'll save money for it and while I don't get the needed amount I'll just drink to cope with it.
I swear tried, I really did.

 

[Gainax]

instead of doing things other people like, do things you like,
because the world hate pleaser's and only respects those who do whatever the fuck they want to do

do some physical activity
gym, martial arts etc
join a club
hiking , tennis, soccer etc
attend workshops
photography, painting etc..this is were you'll meet people with similar interests

but if you don't want to...that's ok, do want you want to do

 

[Pedrester]

instead of doing things other people like, do things you like,
because the world hate pleaser's and only respects those who do whatever the fuck they want to do

do some physical activity
gym, martial arts etc
join a club
hiking , tennis, soccer etc
attend workshops
photography, painting..this is were you'll meet people with similar interests

but if you don't want to...that's ok, do want you want to do

Right now, there is no point. I used to run, but I can't pull myself into doing it anymore. I have barely any type of interests and no personality. There is no point in joining clubs and societies if I can't talk to people and make friends.

 

[TAW122]

I'm in the same situation too. I've already given up trying to improve my life and the things I do now are just to put a front so people around me don't get suspicious or try to meddle into my life. The regrets I have are wasting my energy and time in the last few years to try to build a social life and failing miserably. My conclusion is fuck society, I'll just IGMOW (I Go My Own Way) and fuck what society thinks for the most part.

Right now, there is no point. I used to run, but I can't pull myself into doing it anymore. I have barely any type of interests and no personality. There is no point in joining clubs and societies if I can't talk to people and make friends.

I agree with the last sentence, and I've experienced that rejection in countless circles and groups; more than I care to count.

 

[Pedrester]

I'm in the same situation too. I've already given up trying to improve my life and the things I do now are just to put a front so people around me don't get suspicious or try to meddle into my life. The regrets I have are wasting my energy and time in the last few years to try to build a social life and failing miserably. My conclusion is fuck society, I'll just IGMOW (I Go My Own Way) and fuck what society thinks for the most part.



I agree with the last sentence, and I've experienced that rejection in countless circles and groups; more than I care to count.

I've thought about that, but doesn't loneliness get you? I can't imagine myself living a friendless life.

 

[Schopenhauer]

I've thought about that, but doesn't loneliness get you? I can't imagine myself living a friendless life.

Friends are overrated. Fuck them. Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law ;)

 

[TAW122]

I've thought about that, but doesn't loneliness get you? I can't imagine myself living a friendless life.

To be honest, there are times where I get pretty lonely and get this sort of empty feeling and then feeling depressed/dreadful. Then I try to refocus my mind to enjoy solitary activities, like single player gaming and what not.

 

[weedoge]

I've thought about that, but doesn't loneliness get you? I can't imagine myself living a friendless life.

Just get some pets and some good online friends, it sounds sad and... well it is sad but we do what we gotta do, right? I know my limits. I can see why people might isolate themselves.

 

[tammyot]

Right now, there is no point. I used to run, but I can't pull myself into doing it anymore. I have barely any type of interests and no personality. There is no point in joining clubs and societies if I can't talk to people and make friends.

Try and join groups or connect with people who also suffer with mental health issues. Ideally in your age group and see if you can rebuild your confidence. Just an idea before giving up.

 

[Pedrester]

Try and join groups or connect with people who also suffer with mental health issues. Ideally in your age group and see if you can rebuild your confidence. Just an idea before giving up.

But how can I find people like that? I can't just go around asking "Hey, are you also on the verge of killing yourself?"

 

[tammyot]

But how can I find people like that? I can't just go around asking "Hey, are you also on the verge of killing yourself?"

Yes I agree. I meant more seeing if you can seek out other people that also suffer with anxiety and struggle to speak to people. As an example meet up have groups for this and there may be that option in your area. Shame there isn't a suicidal meet up group but there are other people who also struggle to socialise.
In that sense you are all in the same boat minus the suicidal part.

Maybe someone else can share further ideas?

 

[Pedrester]

Yes I agree. I meant more seeing if you can seek out other people that also suffer with anxiety and struggle to speak to people. As an example meet up have groups for this and there may be that option in your area. Shame there isn't a suicidal meet up group but there are other people who also struggle to socialise.
In that sense you are all in the same boat minus the suicidal part.

Maybe someone else can share further ideas?

I'll try, but I still not quite sure how to distinguish socialy awkward people from "normal" people