brassicasaur
Member
- May 9, 2025
- 21
Since last time I posted on here, I had attempted to tie off my testicles with an elastrator band. Long story short, it was too painful, I was taken to the emergency room, and the doctors cut the bands off my testicles. No lasting damage.
Afterwards, I went out and tried to buy some scissors. My mum called the police on me. They took me to a mental hospital, where I was sectioned for two weeks. Nurses there were lovely. It was absolutely fine.
One thing nobody acknowledges is the why. I tried to destroy my testicles because (A) I want to be a girl and (B) I consider myself a sexual threat to other people.
I've been forced to publicly detransition, because my mum threw out my estrogen and will call the police on me again if I order more, and my doctor specifically asked me to stop taking hormones until "I feel better" because I apparently can't make "big life-changing decisions" when I'm "not thinking rationally".
They think I'm not thinking rationally, because I tried to kill my balls. Apparently, trying to kill my balls is the sign that I'm not mentally competent to be trans, even though being trans was precisely the reason why I tried to kill my balls in the first place.
People could help me.
Society says I'm a "pedo" because I make the "wrong" cartoon characters kiss.
Society says "pedos" should be castrated.
Society won't let me castrate myself.
Society says I'm dangerous and I have anger issues.
Society won't let me remove the parts of my body that produce testosterone and in turn anger.
They want me to be "in a better mental state" before I can transition.
They don't realise that transitioning would be a better mental state for me.
All this shit makes me feel suicidal.
At the same time, the British government, which refuses to help me although it could, actively censors places like this where you can talk about feeling suicidal.
What do they want from me?
To stew in testosterone and facial hair and rage until I kill myself?
Oh, no, because suicide is bad, and you shouldn't do suicide, even though the same people telling me this are the ones driving me towards suicide in the first place.
They want me to stay alive, while actively preventing me from reaching the state where I would want to stay alive.
I don't want to kill myself. I want to be a girl who studies marine biology, art and Japanese. I want to live a calm life. I want to go back to my jobs. I want purpose. I want friends.
The system is forcing my hand, though. "Don't take medication that would make you feel not suicidal but don't kill yourself", the hell do they want?
Afterwards, I went out and tried to buy some scissors. My mum called the police on me. They took me to a mental hospital, where I was sectioned for two weeks. Nurses there were lovely. It was absolutely fine.
One thing nobody acknowledges is the why. I tried to destroy my testicles because (A) I want to be a girl and (B) I consider myself a sexual threat to other people.
I've been forced to publicly detransition, because my mum threw out my estrogen and will call the police on me again if I order more, and my doctor specifically asked me to stop taking hormones until "I feel better" because I apparently can't make "big life-changing decisions" when I'm "not thinking rationally".
They think I'm not thinking rationally, because I tried to kill my balls. Apparently, trying to kill my balls is the sign that I'm not mentally competent to be trans, even though being trans was precisely the reason why I tried to kill my balls in the first place.
People could help me.
Society says I'm a "pedo" because I make the "wrong" cartoon characters kiss.
Society says "pedos" should be castrated.
Society won't let me castrate myself.
Society says I'm dangerous and I have anger issues.
Society won't let me remove the parts of my body that produce testosterone and in turn anger.
They want me to be "in a better mental state" before I can transition.
They don't realise that transitioning would be a better mental state for me.
All this shit makes me feel suicidal.
At the same time, the British government, which refuses to help me although it could, actively censors places like this where you can talk about feeling suicidal.
What do they want from me?
To stew in testosterone and facial hair and rage until I kill myself?
Oh, no, because suicide is bad, and you shouldn't do suicide, even though the same people telling me this are the ones driving me towards suicide in the first place.
They want me to stay alive, while actively preventing me from reaching the state where I would want to stay alive.
I don't want to kill myself. I want to be a girl who studies marine biology, art and Japanese. I want to live a calm life. I want to go back to my jobs. I want purpose. I want friends.
The system is forcing my hand, though. "Don't take medication that would make you feel not suicidal but don't kill yourself", the hell do they want?
