I chickened out. What now?

[t0rch]

Help. I really don't know what came into my head. I chickened out. I can't do it. I wish these false hopes could leave me. I don't want to live. I can't die.

What am I supposed to do now? Anyone, please help me.

 

[Letgo]

Breathe... take a minute at a time..

 

[exploitedbacteria]

Sorry you have to go through that ambivalence. Seriously.. just chill. When the time is right you will know. I've been struggling with wanting to end it for 5 years now. Cut yourself a break… no biggie bud… just take your time and let it come to you. It will happen at the right time and it's best to let it happen when you are truly ready… less of a shock emotionally.

 

[bed]

It's a natural response for trying to go against your biological instincts. Try not to be so hard on yourself, i've been there as well. it's really fucked with my head in the past but dwelling on it doesn't really get you anywhere. i hope you can take some time to process your emotions after the fact and figure out what you want to do next.

 

[tiaralamb]

there's honestly no rush, the good thing about death is that it's an option that's always there but also an inevitability. if you want to try again you can. if you want to give yourself a few more months you can. if you decide you can bear this life after all then fantastic. if you can't then nothing is lost. don't beat yourself up about it. you've done nothing wrong

 

[Higuri]

I've been there before, take a step back to process your feelings and re-evaluate yourself. This fucked with me for so long until I accepted how it is. Death isn't a race, you can decide where you want to go from here after you relax.

 

[Covalite]

I have been there before as you call it "chickening out" but it isnt being a "chicken" it could be many things but I can tell you there are a lot of factors in life most are outside of your control and very few thing you think you can control you actually control 100%. It could have been your nerves got the best of you or you panicked or even simple it wasn't your time. It can be many things but be aware there is always a second chance until you succeed. I hope these words provid some comfurt or at least slightly lessens the pain and shame for you. I wish you good luck in what ever you choose to do next.

 

[TheSadStranger]

Help. I really don't know what came into my head. I chickened out. I can't do it. I wish these false hopes could leave me. I don't want to live. I can't die.

What am I supposed to do now? Anyone, please help me.

It isn't "chickening out" subconsciously you are clinging on to life for some reason. Take your time, calm down, and come to a sound minded decision. It's your decision regardless of what anyone here tells you. It's your life after all. Just make your decision is concise and of a sound mind.

 

[man_in_red:)]

Just give it time. If things get worse ctb will be easier. If things get better maybe you won't want to ctb. CTB without freaking out in the process takes a very massive amount of self control. Just look at the samurai seppuku, It took a lot of mental training to allow them to do something like that.

 

[t0rch]

Thank you everyone. I've certainly calmed down a little. My head still feels fucked but I'm starting to accept that now. Honestly, thank you kind souls.

Breathe... take a minute at a time..

I desperately needed that. Thank you so much.

there's honestly no rush, the good thing about death is that it's an option that's always there but also an inevitability. if you want to try again you can. if you want to give yourself a few more months you can. if you decide you can bear this life after all then fantastic. if you can't then nothing is lost. don't beat yourself up about it. you've done nothing wrong

Thank you, this helped me to put my attempt into perspective. I've actually planned to ctb yesterday, but due to an unexpected event, I was not able to. I felt a little better today, actually, but felt obliged to execute my postponed attempt. I don't know, really, if I want to leave it to stay. Despite that, I feel a little bit more okay about that now.

Death isn't a race, you can decide where you want to go from here after you relax.

Although if someone were to say to me in person that dying is a race, I would instantly burst into laughter. But I think subcontiously that's what I thought. That even if I may not have been ready to ctb, I should do so anyway as a preventative measure to a life I feel trapped in. I realised how that's a toxic way to think for me. Thank you.

 

[CentreMid]

Help. I really don't know what came into my head. I chickened out. I can't do it. I wish these false hopes could leave me. I don't want to live. I can't die.

What am I supposed to do now? Anyone, please help me.

I'm sorry this has happened to you. I was in a similar situation with my own attemps, and it really is upsetting. As others have said, just take your time. You'll know when the time is right for you.

 

[stillmirenai]

Well. Since you chickened out (which is not necessarily a bad thing) it means your desire for suicide does not stem from wanting to die, but rather something else. It might be intense emotional pain. Relax and get yourself in order. I believe in you. It's alright to take every day minute by minute... remember that everything from the moment you're born is an uncertainty, but you CAN control the next action you take.

 

[itsallpointless]

Now that you've had a taste, you weigh the balance between effort to die and effort to live. Which one are you more willing to put effort into?

 

[FuneralCry]

Failing a ctb attempt sounds horrible to me, I hate how it's this difficult to finally die. All of us who wish to be gone should just be able to pass away in peace but anyway I wish you the best.

 

[leavingsoon99]

Just assess why you didn't do it. Did the method fail? Was there a probability of failure using the method? Do you REALLY want to ctb? Ask ALL of that. Get clarity. Only you know you. Meditate on what happened, and go from there.