Discussion …I cant..

[mind_split]

Hello together

I am extremely glad to have found this forum. Thank you all for being so understanding and helpful.

I have suffered from recurrent psychosis and severe depression since childhood. I had a suicide attempt more than 10 years ago. I have been an inpatient in a psychiatric hospital about 6 times. I have always hoped to find the joy in life. Everything feels so hard. I have a good job and have been in a relationship for 8 years. But I feel like I am responsible for everyone else and responsible for making sure everyone is okay. My family has had a lot of difficult times and I was always afraid that I would be a burden to them as well. My partner is also always worried. But I finally want to do what is good for me. End my life. Does anyone know this? Living only for others. How do you deal with it?

Sry, english is not my first language…

 

[haibane]

Hey, i kinda feel u. As im still alive pretty much only cause i dont want my mom to be sad out of that. I dont have any advice tho srry as im struggling with that too.
Hope u will find peace somehow

 

[iamsofkntired]

i know its hard , and it feels like shit the only reason i made it this far is my siblings they keep worrying and they know about my suicidal thoughts my younger brother is trying so hard to convince me to stay alive and im making him so tired and he cries almost daily , i feel like he lost me before im already gone and im just surviving these few days for him , and it is so hard to not live i feel so empty and the only thing i have is empathy for him sometimes it feels unfair cuz the only thing i want to do is leave and cant even do that , if you want advice try to make good memories with them go on dates with your partner visit your parents and try a little to enjoy your work and think of them as your goodbye moment , you cant change what you want . but if you want to be happy and not die you should try to find happiness and if your partner has stuck with you for 8 years and cares about you i think you can find it in them good luck

 

[LivideLamb]

This forum is honestly such a blessing. It feels good to know some people can relate to all of this

I really wish like would be easier. It's a living hell most of the time, to not say everyday, every night, 24/7

Hopefully this doesn't sound weird, I'm sorry in advance if it does, but, I can understand why your partner would be worried. They probably care quite a lot about you, love you and cherish you. But, it's your choice in the end. It's up to you. You know what you want

Have you ever talked about your desire to ctb with your partner ?

 

[mind_split]

Hey, i kinda feel u. As im still alive pretty much only cause i dont want my mom to be sad out of that. I dont have any advice tho srry as im struggling with that too.
Hope u will find peace somehow

thank you for your answer… its a real stuggle…. hope we will find our peace

This forum is honestly such a blessing. It feels good to know some people can relate to all of this

I really wish like would be easier. It's a living hell most of the time, to not say everyday, every night, 24/7

Hopefully this doesn't sound weird, I'm sorry in advance if it does, but, I can understand why your partner would be worried. They probably care quite a lot about you, love you and cherish you. But, it's your choice in the end. It's up to you. You know what you want

Have you ever talked about your desire to ctb with your partner ?

a living hell… thats it, yes.

jup, I talked about my desire to ctb when I felt super sad a year ago. I was in a psych ward back then… she was really really upset cause she doesnt want me to leave and spend the life with me….
in the same time she doesnt want me get back to that depression as she cant stand all of this anymore… so I really think ending my life would be the best so she can move on and find someone who isnt as fucked as me….
i dont want to be responsible for her happiness… Im seeing my psych this wednesday and im not sure if I should say something about my plans to ctb. I just dont want to go back to the psych ward. Im scared i will lose my job then and seen as super weak. But then again all Im thinking about is to ctb and I struggle with my daily work since im not focussed etc…

sorry for the rant :-( thank you for your message…. I really appreciate!

i know its hard , and it feels like shit the only reason i made it this far is my siblings they keep worrying and they know about my suicidal thoughts my younger brother is trying so hard to convince me to stay alive and im making him so tired and he cries almost daily , i feel like he lost me before im already gone and im just surviving these few days for him , and it is so hard to not live i feel so empty and the only thing i have is empathy for him sometimes it feels unfair cuz the only thing i want to do is leave and cant even do that , if you want advice try to make good memories with them go on dates with your partner visit your parents and try a little to enjoy your work and think of them as your goodbye moment , you cant change what you want . but if you want to be happy and not die you should try to find happiness and if your partner has stuck with you for 8 years and cares about you i think you can find it in them good luck

yeah its just no fair. some are just enjoying their life to the fullest… and there is us…just here for other people… i dont wanna life that way the next 40years