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dinosavr
and if i’m turning blue please don’t save me 🌛
- Dec 14, 2023
- 639
Massive depressive episode is back in my life, welcome
And it's all so much more tiring than with less intense depression. Despite the moment when I manage to focus on something else (which doesn't happen at all), I think about death all the time, everyday, every hour. Even though for the millionth time I came to the conclusion that I do want to die, really much, I'm still not ready yet to finally get my shit together and poison myself.
And it's really fucking annoying living like this, I don't know how much more I can take. So facing a choice between continuing to exist like that or ask for help, I think I'm going to try and choose help for now.
I truly don't believe it'll ever be possible to unsuiciden my brain lol, but maybe the reality, this shit hole where I'm stuck in, will be easier to cope with.
So, I'm planning to tell everything to my psychotherapist. And I don't care anymore if she's going to tell someone or yell at me or even call the ambulance or whatever, I do not care. I just want to go one way or another. And since there's no chance that anyone would help me with dying, at least I'm going to get some attention and care at the end of my existence. I hope I won't regret it. I know it may come with a huge price, not only the €40 that she receives each week for listening to my blabbering.
And it's really fucking annoying living like this, I don't know how much more I can take. So facing a choice between continuing to exist like that or ask for help, I think I'm going to try and choose help for now.
I truly don't believe it'll ever be possible to unsuiciden my brain lol, but maybe the reality, this shit hole where I'm stuck in, will be easier to cope with.
So, I'm planning to tell everything to my psychotherapist. And I don't care anymore if she's going to tell someone or yell at me or even call the ambulance or whatever, I do not care. I just want to go one way or another. And since there's no chance that anyone would help me with dying, at least I'm going to get some attention and care at the end of my existence. I hope I won't regret it. I know it may come with a huge price, not only the €40 that she receives each week for listening to my blabbering.