monetpompo
don't tell me to dm you (> <)!
- Apr 21, 2025
- 702
i'm laying in bed after sleeping all afternoon. i don't care about eating or moving or going outside, because i think i just want to do whatever kills me the fastest instead of try to prolong my life through entertainment or nourishment. i'm completely alone. there's no one i can ask for help and no one i can talk to. i'm on here because i realized how bad it feels to be alone.
i'm not happy, so i should be dead, but i'm still alive and i've been unhappy for a long time at this point while other people are happier than me. i fantasize a lot about the moment i'll finally drop dead, even if it's painful, scary, or i regret it immediately. i can't seem to go through with hanging even though that's what i planned on doing this whole time. i'm just too much of a coward, but all the other methods i have "access to" right now could just put me in the hospital and then into the ward. i think about suicide and stabbing myself in the chest pretty much every day because i feel like i have nothing left to live for. everyone's happy and found their reasons to live, or they like being alive enough to not kill themselves, while i'm still suffering in the same place.
i'm worthless. i know that i am. i know that i should drop dead if all i can manage to do is lay in bed and stare at my phone. i want to buy benadryl from the grocery store so i sleep more. i can't admit to anyone that i'd rather be laying in bed like a comatose person than doing anything else with my day. no one will care if i keep acting like this and nothing will happen. another day will just pass me by and no one will think of me, because it's depressing to think about me. i'm alone all the time with no aspirations and no way to leave the house.
i wish i was dead, in the military, or a prostitute, because at least my lifeless body would be worth something if i was working for someone else. at one point i really wanted to do sex work, because i was so desperate to save money to leave my house, but i realized i'm not smart enough to figure it out. i don't think i'm smart enough to go into the military either, but i know i can still buy the asvab for dummies book. being born a girl makes people think my life is easy but i just feel more worthless that people go easier on me because they think i'm too weak and feminine. being trans makes no difference, it just adds to people not understanding me. i feel like no one can grasp how alone i feel on a daily basis. i have nothing. i wake up and i see that no one has sent me any new messages, and i deserve that, because i have nothing good to say to anyone. i'm not alive for any reason. i'm just alive because i'm still breathing. i think my friends and my family will only care about me once i'm dead. if i'm so conceited that i make everything about myself and how i feel then i really should kill myself. i feel like chewing my arms and legs off like a dog.
the only way i can get through this is if i kill myself or make some sort of effort to get better. i feel like killing myself because that's what i've wanted and planned to do for so long. i think i'll stab myself in the eye if i'm still alive in january. it's hard to bear with the urges and the flashes in my head of the things i can do to myself. i want people to feel bad for me and tell me nice things, but i think they'll just think i'm crazy when they hear about me mutilating myself. saying these things makes me wish i had the courage to do anything at all.
i feel like my brain's completely reverted to the way i thought about the world in high school. i feel detached from everyone around me and all i can do is stare at my phone, hoping someone talks to me because i feel like such a useless person. i know that i'm never going to be the kind of person people keep around for a long time. it gets hard to be around me when all i want to do is hurt myself or sleep. i start dissociating when people ask me what i do in my free time because i literally do nothing besides wish that people would talk to me. i'm completely primed for codependent and toxic relationships. i'll fall apart if people stay with me or leave me.
i'm not happy, so i should be dead, but i'm still alive and i've been unhappy for a long time at this point while other people are happier than me. i fantasize a lot about the moment i'll finally drop dead, even if it's painful, scary, or i regret it immediately. i can't seem to go through with hanging even though that's what i planned on doing this whole time. i'm just too much of a coward, but all the other methods i have "access to" right now could just put me in the hospital and then into the ward. i think about suicide and stabbing myself in the chest pretty much every day because i feel like i have nothing left to live for. everyone's happy and found their reasons to live, or they like being alive enough to not kill themselves, while i'm still suffering in the same place.
i'm worthless. i know that i am. i know that i should drop dead if all i can manage to do is lay in bed and stare at my phone. i want to buy benadryl from the grocery store so i sleep more. i can't admit to anyone that i'd rather be laying in bed like a comatose person than doing anything else with my day. no one will care if i keep acting like this and nothing will happen. another day will just pass me by and no one will think of me, because it's depressing to think about me. i'm alone all the time with no aspirations and no way to leave the house.
i wish i was dead, in the military, or a prostitute, because at least my lifeless body would be worth something if i was working for someone else. at one point i really wanted to do sex work, because i was so desperate to save money to leave my house, but i realized i'm not smart enough to figure it out. i don't think i'm smart enough to go into the military either, but i know i can still buy the asvab for dummies book. being born a girl makes people think my life is easy but i just feel more worthless that people go easier on me because they think i'm too weak and feminine. being trans makes no difference, it just adds to people not understanding me. i feel like no one can grasp how alone i feel on a daily basis. i have nothing. i wake up and i see that no one has sent me any new messages, and i deserve that, because i have nothing good to say to anyone. i'm not alive for any reason. i'm just alive because i'm still breathing. i think my friends and my family will only care about me once i'm dead. if i'm so conceited that i make everything about myself and how i feel then i really should kill myself. i feel like chewing my arms and legs off like a dog.
the only way i can get through this is if i kill myself or make some sort of effort to get better. i feel like killing myself because that's what i've wanted and planned to do for so long. i think i'll stab myself in the eye if i'm still alive in january. it's hard to bear with the urges and the flashes in my head of the things i can do to myself. i want people to feel bad for me and tell me nice things, but i think they'll just think i'm crazy when they hear about me mutilating myself. saying these things makes me wish i had the courage to do anything at all.
i feel like my brain's completely reverted to the way i thought about the world in high school. i feel detached from everyone around me and all i can do is stare at my phone, hoping someone talks to me because i feel like such a useless person. i know that i'm never going to be the kind of person people keep around for a long time. it gets hard to be around me when all i want to do is hurt myself or sleep. i start dissociating when people ask me what i do in my free time because i literally do nothing besides wish that people would talk to me. i'm completely primed for codependent and toxic relationships. i'll fall apart if people stay with me or leave me.
Last edited:
