Venting I can’t stop drinking.

[Anxieyote]

I know it's hard for other people to see me spiraling again with alcohol. A friend of mine told me he wanted to talk last night, and I told him I'd be passed out in half an hour because I'd drank a lot of vodka.

He said, "I thought you were going to stop drinking." like that would be an easy thing to do.

Drinking is the only reliable way I've found to eradicate anxiety altogether, and have a peaceful night's sleep. And when I'm hungover in the morning, I'm too "out of it" to focus on how dissatisfied I am with my life as a whole.

I have been living for those moments where I'm somewhat content and relaxed. Those moments are all I look forward to. So when someone says "just stop drinking, man" it's like saying to stop having the one thing I can consistently look forward to at the end of the day.

I detoxed for a few days, and my method of coping was watching the Jurassic Park movies and watching documentaries about how they were made. Fascinating, but it's a poor substitute for the feeling of weightlessness I get after drinking the perfect amount of vodka (just enough to feel happy, but not enough to blackout completely and forget what I did in the morning).

If I take away the alcohol, there is nothing stopping the bad thoughts from racing back in and becoming unbearable. I know I'm living a directionless life by drinking my nights away, but I don't know what else to do. People have said, "Read books at night" or "have some tea" and stuff like that, but I feel like it's the equivalent of taking away someone's partner, replacing them with a stuffed animal, and saying "love this instead". I don't know any other way to get the dopamine hits.

 

[Carlotta16]

I know it's hard for other people to see me spiraling again with alcohol. A friend of mine told me he wanted to talk last night, and I told him I'd be passed out in half an hour because I'd drank a lot of vodka.

He said, "I thought you were going to stop drinking." like that would be an easy thing to do.

Drinking is the only reliable way I've found to eradicate anxiety altogether, and have a peaceful night's sleep. And when I'm hungover in the morning, I'm too "out of it" to focus on how dissatisfied I am with my life as a whole.

I have been living for those moments where I'm somewhat content and relaxed. Those moments are all I look forward to. So when someone says "just stop drinking, man" it's like saying to stop having the one thing I can consistently look forward to at the end of the day.

I detoxed for a few days, and my method of coping was watching the Jurassic Park movies and watching documentaries about how they were made. Fascinating, but it's a poor substitute for the feeling of weightlessness I get after drinking the perfect amount of vodka (just enough to feel happy, but not enough to blackout completely and forget what I did in the morning).

If I take away the alcohol, there is nothing stopping the bad thoughts from racing back in and becoming unbearable. I know I'm living a directionless life by drinking my nights away, but I don't know what else to do. People have said, "Read books at night" or "have some tea" and stuff like that, but I feel like it's the equivalent of taking away someone's partner, replacing them with a stuffed animal, and saying "love this instead". I don't know any other way to get the dopamine hits.

I completely relate to you. Instead of alcohol I use cannabis. It's the only thing that gets me through tbh, and I spend my day waiting till I can go home and have a joint. I don't enjoy anything anymore that I used to, everything revolves around me being able to have a joint and if j didn't have that I wouldn't still be here at this point. But I also know it's not a long term solution so I know that me ctb is inevitable it's just a question of how long I can string out living like this for

 

[September5th]

The only thing that worked for me (or at least has been working for over a week) is this: drink so much that you'll wish you were dead. You must mix vodka with beer, beer with drips and vodka with stuff like juice. Try to drink as many cups as possible. You'll puke and feel ridiculous. Because of it, your body will naturally start rejecting it. This literally happened to me yesterday. I could not drink anything that wasn't beer, as my body would immediately order me to stop. Keep in mind that I'm an alcoholic.

 

[BluesRunTheGame]

Extremely relatable.

 

[Julgran]

I know it's hard for other people to see me spiraling again with alcohol. A friend of mine told me he wanted to talk last night, and I told him I'd be passed out in half an hour because I'd drank a lot of vodka.

He said, "I thought you were going to stop drinking." like that would be an easy thing to do.

Drinking is the only reliable way I've found to eradicate anxiety altogether, and have a peaceful night's sleep. And when I'm hungover in the morning, I'm too "out of it" to focus on how dissatisfied I am with my life as a whole.

I have been living for those moments where I'm somewhat content and relaxed. Those moments are all I look forward to. So when someone says "just stop drinking, man" it's like saying to stop having the one thing I can consistently look forward to at the end of the day.

I detoxed for a few days, and my method of coping was watching the Jurassic Park movies and watching documentaries about how they were made. Fascinating, but it's a poor substitute for the feeling of weightlessness I get after drinking the perfect amount of vodka (just enough to feel happy, but not enough to blackout completely and forget what I did in the morning).

If I take away the alcohol, there is nothing stopping the bad thoughts from racing back in and becoming unbearable. I know I'm living a directionless life by drinking my nights away, but I don't know what else to do. People have said, "Read books at night" or "have some tea" and stuff like that, but I feel like it's the equivalent of taking away someone's partner, replacing them with a stuffed animal, and saying "love this instead". I don't know any other way to get the dopamine hits.

You are definitely between a rock a hard bottle of Vodka, friend. Do you really sleep better when drinking? I had a hard depressive episode last year and started drinking quite a lot just to be able to go to sleep, but the thing is that I drank and then went to bed at about 7 PM and - because of the alcohol, I presume - I woke up at 11 PM at night, and then couldn't sleep for the whole night, which means that I was up all night and the next dat until I drank and went to sleep at 7 PM the day after.

My question to you is this: is your body craving alcohol, or are you trying to find happiness? I'm just asking because I have no craving for alcohol, but I keep drinking just because I'm thinking "Well, life probably won't get better, so why not?". I also eat, and the common theme between the alcohol and the food intake is that I'm looking to achieve happiness or calmness, and not to still a craving. However, this doesn't work, of course, but I'm interested in your perspective

The only thing that worked for me (or at least has been working for over a week) is this: drink so much that you'll wish you were dead. You must mix vodka with beer, beer with drips and vodka with stuff like juice. Try to drink as many cups as possible. You'll puke and feel ridiculous. Because of it, your body will naturally start rejecting it. This literally happened to me yesterday. I could not drink anything that wasn't beer, as my body would immediately order me to stop. Keep in mind that I'm an alcoholic.

Don't underestimate these wise words above.

As a personal example, I ate a pizza, drank some red wine and ate some chips one night and went to sleep on my couch. In the middle of the night, I woke up and felt that something was sticking to my left arm, so I touched it and realized that it was something foreign, so I threw it away and fell asleep. A few hours later, I woke up in the morning and saw that the pillow that I was resting my head on, as well the couch and the carpet underneath, were painted red with vomit, and the pizza was laying there in saucy pieces.

The moral of the story is that it's easy to vomit without being conscious about it, and if we go by September5h's words, your craving for alcohol may decrease, if you are lucky.

 

[Medicmedic72]

I know it's hard for other people to see me spiraling again with alcohol. A friend of mine told me he wanted to talk last night, and I told him I'd be passed out in half an hour because I'd drank a lot of vodka.

He said, "I thought you were going to stop drinking." like that would be an easy thing to do.

Drinking is the only reliable way I've found to eradicate anxiety altogether, and have a peaceful night's sleep. And when I'm hungover in the morning, I'm too "out of it" to focus on how dissatisfied I am with my life as a whole.

I have been living for those moments where I'm somewhat content and relaxed. Those moments are all I look forward to. So when someone says "just stop drinking, man" it's like saying to stop having the one thing I can consistently look forward to at the end of the day.

I detoxed for a few days, and my method of coping was watching the Jurassic Park movies and watching documentaries about how they were made. Fascinating, but it's a poor substitute for the feeling of weightlessness I get after drinking the perfect amount of vodka (just enough to feel happy, but not enough to blackout completely and forget what I did in the morning).

If I take away the alcohol, there is nothing stopping the bad thoughts from racing back in and becoming unbearable. I know I'm living a directionless life by drinking my nights away, but I don't know what else to do. People have said, "Read books at night" or "have some tea" and stuff like that, but I feel like it's the equivalent of taking away someone's partner, replacing them with a stuffed animal, and saying "love this instead". I don't know any other way to get the dopamine hits.

I can relate. Before I came to visit my friend it became pretty common for me to have a few drinks at night. By a few drinks, I mean a bottle of whiskey.

After about a week I was having tremors so bad I had to cut down by drinking small amounts during the day and tapering the night drinks. I was in pretty rough shape. But, I didn't feel anything.

Now, I am staying in a Baptist preachers house for a while. It's been an adjustment.

 

[September5th]

The moral of the story is that it's easy to vomit without being conscious about it, and if we go by September5h's words, your craving for alcohol may decrease, if you are lucky.

That actually goes for anything, really. When I was a kid, I spent years without being able to eat nuggets. My grandmother gave me some (after I asked for it) on a Friday night, if I'm not mistaken. However, out of pure coincidence, I started feeling sick right after eating. It had nothing to do with the nuggets, of course. I had caught a virus or something. My child brain associated the symptoms with the nuggets, though. Because of it, I simply couldn't eat them anymore lol!

My recent distaste for vodka is pretty much the same thing all over again. The only difference is that the alcohol sure is the cause of my recent pain XD!

 

[Julgran]

That actually goes for anything, really. When I was a kid, I spent years without being able to eat nuggets. My grandmother gave me some (after I asked for it) on a Friday night, if I'm not mistaken. However, out of pure coincidence, I started feeling sick right after eating. It had nothing to do with the nuggets, of course. I had caught a virus or something. My child brain associated the symptoms with the nuggets, though. Because of it, I simply couldn't eat them anymore lol!

My recent distaste for vodka is pretty much the same thing all over again. The only difference is that the alcohol sure is the cause of my recent pain XD!

That's interesting! Are you sure you weren't gluten intolerant, though..?

 

[September5th]

No hahaha
I have no problems eating these things. I went to a doctor and it sure was a virus. Didn't stop me from making that association XD

The OP has to do the same. Best cure for alcoholism, I guess.