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Im Sorry Mom

Im Sorry Mom

Member
Aug 26, 2021
5
Lately ive been thinking about suicide continuously . I want to go so bad but theres little things that stop and make me think again. I cant decide if i want to die, if i fail ill be put into states custody do to having so many attempts . If i try i cannot fail. i have to make sure it works.
 
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PeacefulTonic

Enlightened
Aug 10, 2021
1,006
Your username describes exactly how I feel about wanting to ctb
 
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Neni

New Member
Oct 15, 2021
3
I'm the same, I've spent the last few days in bed planning everything to ctb. But then last night, I remembered a few small things I still enjoy. So now I'm trying to weigh up if suffering most of the time is worth the few good moments.
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
44,972
Fear of failure is one of the things that holds me back. I am scared of ending up with damage. Nobody should have to resort to methods that could fail, we all deserve an peaceful exit at a time of our own choosing. I'm sorry you are in this position, I wish you the best whatever happens.
 
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xLosthopex

xLosthopex

Tell my dogs I love them
May 29, 2020
1,133
I'm the same, I've spent the last few days in bed planning everything to ctb. But then last night, I remembered a few small things I still enjoy. So now I'm trying to weigh up if suffering most of the time is worth the few good moments.
I'm pretty much the same as this
Even though I know logically that the (chronic)suffering I'm experiencing GREATLY outweighs the tiny snippets of joy I still experience now and again, it seems to somehow be enough to always keep me hanging on for yet another day…
That plus SI

And it really fucking sucks because I know that if I don't go through with it ASAP, I will be in for a far more painful and stressful death due to my Anorexia, I am seriously a ticking time bomb right now for going in to cardiac arrest due to chronic hypokalemia as a result of my anorexia, but for some reason my stupid illogical self keeps deciding to just hang on a little longer… and the fact that I've been lucky enough to acquire the gold standard, first-class bus ticket out of here I don't know why I keep making this irrational choice :meh:
 
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Neni

New Member
Oct 15, 2021
3
I'm pretty much the same as this
Even though I know logically that the (chronic)suffering I'm experiencing GREATLY outweighs the tiny snippets of joy I still experience now and again, it seems to somehow be enough to always keep me hanging on for yet another day…
That plus SI

And it really fucking sucks because I know that if I don't go through with it ASAP, I will be in for a far more painful and stressful death due to my Anorexia, I am seriously a ticking time bomb right now for going in to cardiac arrest due to chronic hypokalemia as a result of my anorexia, but for some reason my stupid illogical self keeps deciding to just hang on a little longer… and the fact that I've been lucky enough to acquire the gold standard, first-class bus ticket out of here I don't know why I keep making this irrational choice :meh:
Really sorry to hear you are suffering like this.
I keep thinking maybe carrying on for the few good times is worth it since it's the only chance I'll have to experience them.
I've given myself a month to make all the preparations I need to and see how I feel then. I'm worried about SI. If I temporarily feel better, it might stop me, but then I'll just carry on in the same cycle I have for over 10 years.
 
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