Venting I can't make art anymore

[LonelyPrince]

It's been years, years of struggling to draw like I used to when little. As soon as I started showing symptoms of anxiety and depression I became too scared to touch a pencil: it became overwhelming.
I feel so behind because I stopped drawing for two whole years and I struggle with things people can do easily.
I know that comparison it's the "thief of joy" but I can't help it since I'm always on social media.
It takes such little time for the spark to die and to rip a drawing apart or just give up altogether and cut myself.
My friend, who is one of the best artists I've ever met, told me I'm too hard on myself.
how can I not be? I should be better.
I should be able to at least finish a sketch...after all this is what I want my job to be.

I can't have fun drawing. i can't have fun doing anything.
I feel so ashamed of myself. When did it go wrong? Why am I cursed with these mental illnesses? Why? why? why? why?????

 

[UserFromNowhere]

Being unable to enjoy the activities you used to be interested in is a curse. Anhedonia stripping away everything used to be fun about life, everything that made life worth living, is why I can't find a reason to live anymore. It feels like it's never going to get better, not as every new interest only exists to fall away as well, an endless cycle of being unable to find joy in anything. It's unfortunate you got subjected to this accursed illness.

 

[LastNite]

What motivated you to make art prior to being depressed?

 

[alstroemeria55]

I have the same issue. Self improvement or whatever or dealing with yourself has a lot to do with doing hobbies meanwhile I can't enjoy anything anymore or move myself to do anything.... So I guess I'm never improving and my life will continue to be pathetic and insufferable.

 

[LonelyPrince]

What motivated you to make art prior to being depressed?

I don't really remember. I don't remember my ideas nor how I felt. I have no clue

 

[Quietist]

That seems to be a thing - having an artistic gift as a child and then losing it once the depressive adolescence begins.

Something I've learned throughout the years of often feeling behind in life: you have to start somewhere.

If you never start, you'll always be behind.

Even if you're in your 20's - just start again, perhaps even explore various art styles.

Artistic talent isn't always something that comes natural to people - it's a muscle you have to exercise with use and growth, like those people that stop going to the gym for a couple of years and let themselves go, and then they start going back and their body re-adapts to it.

 

[WhatCouldHaveBeen32]

It is pretty hard to get better what you want to do when you don't see a point in it or suffer from anhedonia. You shouldn't put much pressure or think too much about this. If you ever overcome your hurdles, if they can be overcome at least, you might be able to try again then if it's impossible now or if it's a pointless thing to do now.