Venting I can't hope for a better life quality

[myrtaryniel]

I'm kind of stuck with the life I have right now, and I don't like it at all. I've been depressed for as long as I can remember, and tried different approaches to it. I've also been in therapy for many many years...but nothing changes. I'm getting pretty tired of running in circles, year after year after year. I feel so fucking lonely. My family is a fucking depressed mess. My friends don't really see me as a person anymore. No one really does. They treat me as if I was garbage or I didn't exist at all.

I don't have any dreams or hopes for the future. I've always just survived through shit, and i'm tired. I can't live my life to the fullest for much I try.

I just want to kill myself but I don't have the guts to go through it. I've tried many times and backed up at the last minute. I don't know where to find the courage to do it.

 

[Avery Jordan]

Life is tough, what can I say.

 

[myrtaryniel]

Life is tough, what can I say.

is this mockery? what is this comment even supposed to achieve?

 

[Rachel74]

Are you on any kind of meds?

is this mockery? what is this comment even supposed to achieve?

It's not mockery it's being a realist OP. Life is tough and hateful but the likes of me have to live with it as I can't leave yet.

 

[myrtaryniel]

Are you on any kind of meds?

yeah, i've been on antidepressants and anxiolytics for 7 years now

 

[Rachel74]

yeah, i've been on antidepressants and anxiolytics for 7 years now

That's a long time, I'm 22 years on them. I have good and bad times but the older I get the less happy I am.
Wish I had an answer. Changing meds might help I've currently switched over to lithium. Plus CBD oil is good as well as good old fashioned weed.
Do you sleep ok? Or is that a big issue too?

 

[Avery Jordan]

is this mockery? what is this comment even supposed to achieve?

No it's not mockery. I'm in agreement with you that life is hard. I won't sugar coat it.

 

[Rachel74]

No it's not mockery. I'm in agreement with you that life is hard. I won't sugar coat it.

No need to, we are all damaged,ill, etc on here and the life we wanted or once had isn't there. CTB is for some the easy way out. I think it's the hardest way out.

 

[SadSack]

I can sympathize but all I can advise you to do is cut the people who negatively impact your mental health out of your life. I've done it and it has helped in that regard.

I'm still a depressed turd. But, that's more of a chemical imbalance for me and there's honestly not much hope there.

I do my best to distract myself from life's bullshit and to survive. But, I think we all have moments of weakness where we want to just end it all. Everyone has a different situation or reason so I'm not making light of yours or trying to invalidate you. A struggle is a struggle.

I do however feel that there is a shred of hope for you to alleviate some of your suffering if you can get away from the negativity and branch out to make new friends. Companionship does help, if the people are compatible.

 

[Rachel74]

Problem is people surround themselves with others as they think not being alone will help them. Fuck that! I'm counting down the days to my respite so I can be alone.

 

[SadSack]

I know right? Yeah, there is no magical cure or we won't wouldn't need this forum lol

I just feel like having someone to talk to(who's not getting paid and isn't biased) about all of this stuff really does help.

I only have two friends I can confide in who understand and don't snub me as a result. I let those other bitches go. Life is crappy enough without being surrounded by fake friends.

Problem is people surround themselves with others as they think not being alone will help them. Fuck that! I'm counting down the days to my respite so I can be alone.

 

[MeltingHeart]

I'm kind of stuck with the life I have right now, and I don't like it at all. I've been depressed for as long as I can remember, and tried different approaches to it. I've also been in therapy for many many years...but nothing changes. I'm getting pretty tired of running in circles, year after year after year. I feel so fucking lonely. My family is a fucking depressed mess. My friends don't really see me as a person anymore. No one really does. They treat me as if I was garbage or I didn't exist at all.

I don't have any dreams or hopes for the future. I've always just survived through shit, and i'm tired. I can't live my life to the fullest for much I try.

I just want to kill myself but I don't have the guts to go through it. I've tried many times and backed up at the last minute. I don't know where to find the courage to do it.

Same

 

[StillWaiting]

In a similar situation as you.
I really don't know what I can do for myself anymore.
It is so tiring to wake up everyday just to live with the flow.