Help I can’t go on anymore

[Darkfantasy]

today was really awful for me. was making plans in my head to hang myself. But I remembered this site and thought maybe I should try to reach out. for me I've been bullied a lot in life. And it's been hard because I really internalized those things. I've been called ugly behind my back by this girl I was trying to make friends with. One time someone to a pic of me and uploaded it to Snapchat with laughing emojis saying I always look depressed. Someone I didn't know who sat across from me in school. Things got a lot worse when i realized a close friend who I vented a lot to was being very manipulative. Blaming me for my depression, and saying I'm making their life worse. I stopped being friends with them, but this took a huge toll on me. I've never had therapy cause I have a awful relationship with my dad for one, and for two I told my mom but she judged me because she doesn't understand depression. So my sister know she and she's been trying to get me therapy but it's been a struggle for us to get it. So even tho I've been depressed 5 years I haven't got that help, and it makes me so sad. It makes me hopeless and wanna end my life. I'm 19 now, and I graduated high school last year and have been home since then. Haven't found a job yet and it sucks. I don't have a relationship, or many real life friends. I look at life like I don't have anything to live for. I hate myself, and people constantly treat me bad. My father being one of them. And I almost ended my life today. I wish I did.

 

[Laststop]

You're in good company here. I'm sure a lot of us have lived with the same experiences. I know I have.

 

[letmeseethedeath]

yes. same here. i think i'm living one of the worst life there's on this shitty planet

 

[Lefty]

This is a good site to vent and talk about mental health. I often come to this site when I'm feeling low.

 

[sobad]

I find it awful that kids your age are having these thoughts. Then I remember that I felt the same way when I was your age! Its too early and you are too young to tell how your life will turn out. You might have a nice turnaround when you are older. I had an amazing life from the ages of 21 - 27 and i cherish those memories.

 

[Darkfantasy]

Thanks for the response. I will use this site now when I have these thoughts
Yeah I hope things change at that age but I'm worried I won't make it til then

 

[Lefty]

Hope you will feel better. Life has its ups and downs. I remember life getting better in my early 20s to late 20s.

 

[Jolene40]

I wish I could go tell my 19 year old self how these feelings would get better. I'm here for severe ill health but I felt so ugly growing up. As I got older I grew into myself and it didn't matter as much. It really can get much better as you get older I promise you. Social media is awful in my view. It just adds to bullying and I imagine you feel you can never escape some days. Calling you ugly is so cruel. I remember how cruel we could all be about boys growing up. I changed as do most decent people as they get older. I bet you are not ugly. Your ability to articulate yourself so well is already a credit to you. I hope you find some peace beautiful boy.( or girl!)