When I met her I was in such a good place.
She blew years of hard work on myself and my self-esteem down like a house of cards.
I was so happy and confident and hopeful before her.
She started by love bombing and raising me up and making me feel euphoric and special and loved and understood.
I thought wow, the type of love I have always longed for exists. It was like the final piece of the puzzle.
She said all the right things. I was so in love with her that I wanted to spend every second with her and I (and I admit I was wrong for it but at the time it was just so tempting and easy) started neglecting the rest of my social life. She became my world. Literally.
Then slowly but surely she dried up. She began neglecting me, leaving me hours on read, canceling plans at the last minute, even ignoring me in front of others.
We started a cycle where I would call her out on it, and then got called crazy and clingy and a bad girlfriend for accusing her and belittling her. So then I would apologize or she would and she'd promise she would change but then never kept those promises. And I stayed, even when I started feeling invisible, unloved, worthless. I stayed because I just wanted my girl back. The girl I fell for. I wanted "us" back.
Then - and mind you, this person said that she would never love anyone like she loved me, that I was like "family" to her, that I could always rely on her - she dumped me VIA TEXT.
Then decided she still wanted to fuck me from time to time but made sure to make it as humiliating as possible by reminding me every second not to get attached. I felt like I was just good enough to fuck but repulsive enough that she was scared I might cling to her and stay into her life.
In the end, after another argument she decided she didn't want anything to do with me period and blocked me on everything. She treats me like I'm radioactive.
She must have noticed the effect she had on me. How I was a completely different person when I met her and how she totally consumed and left me an empty shell of my past self.
And the worst part is I still need her. I still miss her. I still love her.
Why would you do something like this to someone who loves you. How could you watch someone you loved for even a second literally wither in front of your eyes and not feel a pinch of regret
I'm sorry if this is too dramatic but it's been nearly 5 months and I am still in pain. I don't know how to get over it. Nothing helps. Seeing other people doesn't help. Working on myself and my hobbies and my passions and being sociable or over-working myself or friends or books or the gym or focusing on myself. Nothing. Nothing helps. Everything leads me back to her and how worthless she made me feel.
I lost myself.
I feel so much rage and sadness and love all at once. I hate her and I just need her to come back and tell me it will be okay and that she still loves me. I need her to love me.
I'm going crazy
She blew years of hard work on myself and my self-esteem down like a house of cards.
I was so happy and confident and hopeful before her.
She started by love bombing and raising me up and making me feel euphoric and special and loved and understood.
I thought wow, the type of love I have always longed for exists. It was like the final piece of the puzzle.
She said all the right things. I was so in love with her that I wanted to spend every second with her and I (and I admit I was wrong for it but at the time it was just so tempting and easy) started neglecting the rest of my social life. She became my world. Literally.
Then slowly but surely she dried up. She began neglecting me, leaving me hours on read, canceling plans at the last minute, even ignoring me in front of others.
We started a cycle where I would call her out on it, and then got called crazy and clingy and a bad girlfriend for accusing her and belittling her. So then I would apologize or she would and she'd promise she would change but then never kept those promises. And I stayed, even when I started feeling invisible, unloved, worthless. I stayed because I just wanted my girl back. The girl I fell for. I wanted "us" back.
Then - and mind you, this person said that she would never love anyone like she loved me, that I was like "family" to her, that I could always rely on her - she dumped me VIA TEXT.
Then decided she still wanted to fuck me from time to time but made sure to make it as humiliating as possible by reminding me every second not to get attached. I felt like I was just good enough to fuck but repulsive enough that she was scared I might cling to her and stay into her life.
In the end, after another argument she decided she didn't want anything to do with me period and blocked me on everything. She treats me like I'm radioactive.
She must have noticed the effect she had on me. How I was a completely different person when I met her and how she totally consumed and left me an empty shell of my past self.
And the worst part is I still need her. I still miss her. I still love her.
Why would you do something like this to someone who loves you. How could you watch someone you loved for even a second literally wither in front of your eyes and not feel a pinch of regret
I'm sorry if this is too dramatic but it's been nearly 5 months and I am still in pain. I don't know how to get over it. Nothing helps. Seeing other people doesn't help. Working on myself and my hobbies and my passions and being sociable or over-working myself or friends or books or the gym or focusing on myself. Nothing. Nothing helps. Everything leads me back to her and how worthless she made me feel.
I lost myself.
I feel so much rage and sadness and love all at once. I hate her and I just need her to come back and tell me it will be okay and that she still loves me. I need her to love me.
I'm going crazy
