Venting I can’t even be honest with my self

[joegoes100]

I've convinced my self the reason I'm killing my self is because of how much I hate my self. While this is true, i just feel like I'll never find love, and that's why I don't want to continue living. I can't love my self at all until I feel like someone loves me, I don't know why I'm like this. Everyone says that there's someone out there for everyone but I know there isn't for me. I'm way too picky for what I actually am. I'm probably bottom 40% attractiveness and I can only have feelings for people that are way out of my league, and I can't lower my standards. It's not even mainly their looks, they have to understand me, accept me, have the same experiences as me(0 bodies), or I just feel like I can't love them. It's so stupid that I'm like this but I know the only way I can escape being so reliant on love.
Looking back at it, this is why I hate my self, so I guess I didn't lie to my self, I just wasn't fully honest.
I know this is stupid but I needed to get this out of my head it physically hurts to think about.

 

[kufajoy]

Hey that's not high standards at all. You are just hoping for a partner that can understand you. It's really human even though it sucks that the world is full of population but we have so less human

 

[katara]

If ur only attracted to looks then what if the people are rude and mean? I think the truth is no attractive celebrities would be on this site and they definitely wouldn't understand us