I am writing my death song.

[TydalWave]

Music has always been an positive outlet for me;

but I private one that I don't share with many.​

I've found myself stuck in my mind for so long that it has been damn near impossible to ever write a song from start to finish. The fragments of songs I write inevitably get lost in my obligations to the life that I've been constantly behind in.

Simply put; I have dedicated far too much time for my own suffering.​

Over the past few weeks I have actually committed the time to writing some letters, which has been both therapeutic and mentally taxing because every word I write is a cut to my face and a sore to theirs that they are left to deal with.

I know now that I cannot write out these letters for everyone, and I still struggle with that
So I took a step back and thought:

What is the goal of these letters in the first place?​

For me it comes down to wanting to leave people with a personal connection that resonates the heart and consciousness that I am abandoning. Because if they felt what I felt, some might be able to make sense of my choice to end my suffering.

It would still hurt, and in the end still leave scars, but those scars could at least be healthy. I want each and every person to know what I felt for them in this life and not leave with anyone with hate, shame, or regrets on either behalf.

But, human beings are hard-wired to want to survive and not everyone will ever understand.​

Even if our they could hear the words straight out of our mouths, it more often has a polarizing effect that can create more guilt, shame and misunderstanding in the end. I don't want to leave anyone with moments like these that haunt them after I am gone.

So I am going to try to find the strength to do what I haven't been able to do, and write a song that can resonate with anyone who wants to hear it. If against all odds, I am successful in writing this... then I will post it here too. Those may not be able to understand what I am experiencing, but hopefully they will feel it.


If they want to.

 

[almaranthine]

I respect what you're trying to do and I wish you the best with your creative process. I think a song would be easier for some people in your life to understand and empathize with it. You are a beautiful soul for trying to put together something heartfelt and authentic to express yourself to those you plan to leave behind.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I look forward to hearing it. If it is just the lyrics, I look forward to reading them. You can do it. Try.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope that you manage to achieve what you plan to do. At least to me it's always a good idea to leave something behind that could potentially give others at least some sort of understanding as to what you experienced in life.

 

[Unending]

I resonate with this concept and have pondered doing the same thing. Music does seem to be the more reliable method of communication for me but music paired with visual art (an album cover for example) gets the job done even better.

 

[TydalWave]

I resonate with this concept and have pondered doing the same thing. Music does seem to be the more reliable method of communication for me but music paired with visual art (an album cover for example) gets the job done even better.

I absolutely agree. I unfortunately have never been gifted in graphic design. It's one of the skill sets I wish I had. I am a great developer and music makes sense to me but I am so bad at art.

Maybe we should colab :P

 

[Unending]

I've had phases where visual art works out for me but it comes and goes mainly because of long periods where sitting still for it feels very difficult to do. Feel free to message me some time if you want to talk about art and music.