I Am So Thankful For This Forum

[Jean4]

I am tired of putting on a fake smile for the world. I am tired of pretending everything is fine. I am tired of not leaving my house. I am tired of not being 'normal.'

Somebody once asked me what do you like doing. The answer is NOTHING. I don't know what it is like to go to the movies. Or go to a club. Or have friends. I don't know what it is like to have a friend to call just to talk.

I don't know what it is like to do anything 'normal.' I have never fit into this earth. I did try. When I was a kid, I joined ballet, soccer... all the stuff kids did. I never fit in. Never had friends.

There is really no reason for me to be here. Why? To stay in my apartment every day with the tv on. No human contact? What is the purpose?

I can say that here and don't have to worry about it, and you all understand, which I am so thankful for this forum.

I do not want to be here. I want to die. I have done nothing right in my life and even screwed up killing myself.

I want to die. I do not want to be here. I am glad I have a place I can say that without somebody calling 911 to send me to a mental institution. Thank you all for being here and understanding.

 

[Alchemist]

Agreed, this place is a sanctuary for those who won't follow the cult of life and to get support during those crucial final hours. If you ever need someone to talk, I'm always here to listen.

 

[Jean4]

Agreed, this place is a sanctuary for those who won't follow the cult of life and to get support during those crucial final hours. If you ever need someone to talk, I'm always here to listen.

Thanks. I have so tried to fit into this life. I really wanted to be 'normal.' I wanted to be happy. I guess some of us aren't supposed to have a picture-perfect life. It is sad why some people get it and others do not. Why wasn't I chosen to be happy and others were? Makes no sense... but that is the way it is.

 

[spanishguy22]

I am tired of putting on a fake smile for the world. I am tired of pretending everything is fine. I am tired of not leaving my house. I am tired of not being 'normal.'

Somebody once asked me what do you like doing. The answer is NOTHING. I don't know what it is like to go to the movies. Or go to a club. Or have friends. I don't know what it is like to have a friend to call just to talk.

I don't know what it is like to do anything 'normal.' I have never fit into this earth. I did try. When I was a kid, I joined ballet, soccer... all the stuff kids did. I never fit in. Never had friends.

There is really no reason for me to be here. Why? To stay in my apartment every day with the tv on. No human contact? What is the purpose?

I can say that here and don't have to worry about it, and you all understand, which I am so thankful for this forum.

I do not want to be here. I want to die. I have done nothing right in my life and even screwed up killing myself.

I want to die. I do not want to be here. I am glad I have a place I can say that without somebody calling 911 to send me to a mental institution. Thank you all for being here and understanding.

Thank you. I qm alone isolated since 11. I hope we can find peace soon

Thanks. I have so tried to fit into this life. I really wanted to be 'normal.' I wanted to be happy. I guess some of us aren't supposed to have a picture-perfect life. It is sad why some people get it and others do not. Why wasn't I chosen to be happy and others were? Makes no sense... but that is the way it is.

It's so frustrating. I have the same thought processes. So unlucky. I'd rather been born African than this. They don't live much but most don't have no depression like this either. Taking that over this says q lot about how fucked I am

 

[akita]

I'm thankful for this forum too. Mostly a lurker myself since I'm so shy, but I really do enjoy the company. I don't have many social connections and am basically a hermit, and I can be myself while finding company in those I can relate to.

 

[TiredHorse]

Amen.

 

[Retched]

Ive learned that posting and interacting here is seriously therapy. I've even referred to, not by name of course, to this site as my online therapy group. To my nurse practitioner. Because I got sick of her asking if I was back in therapy. Which, for many reasons, I refuse to do anymore. It gets sad with people going, catching the bus, etc & I've no idea how long I'll be at the bus stop...But you can't ask for a better place full of like minded people.

 

[JadedGray]

I am tired of putting on a fake smile for the world. I am tired of pretending everything is fine. I am tired of not leaving my house. I am tired of not being 'normal.'

Somebody once asked me what do you like doing. The answer is NOTHING. I don't know what it is like to go to the movies. Or go to a club. Or have friends. I don't know what it is like to have a friend to call just to talk.

I don't know what it is like to do anything 'normal.' I have never fit into this earth. I did try. When I was a kid, I joined ballet, soccer... all the stuff kids did. I never fit in. Never had friends.

There is really no reason for me to be here. Why? To stay in my apartment every day with the tv on. No human contact? What is the purpose?

I can say that here and don't have to worry about it, and you all understand, which I am so thankful for this forum.

I do not want to be here. I want to die. I have done nothing right in my life and even screwed up killing myself.

I want to die. I do not want to be here. I am glad I have a place I can say that without somebody calling 911 to send me to a mental institution. Thank you all for being here and understanding.

This is practically the story of my life too. I tried as a kid to have interests and friends, but it never worked. I'm now stuck being alone and uninterested in everything. If I didn't live with my mom I would never have any real human contact, since I rarely leave my apartment. I'm not good at living and apparently not at dying either, since I've failed many attempts. I hate it when people ask how I'm doing and I'm forced to say I'm doing fine, because the few times I've been truthful and said I was doing awful they looked very uncomfortable and confused, since that's not the response they were expecting. People only ask that question, not because they actually want to hear how you're really doing, but just to make conversation.

 

[SomebodyBroken]

People only ask that question, not because they actually want to hear how you're really doing, but just to make conversation.

yes, and how else? society imposes on them the opinion that it is necessary to be interested, but to hear "all is well" in response and to continue the conversation or dialogue. when I accidentally let it slip that I was going to really do it(ctb) - somehow, the communication stopped completely, and no help options or even ask if it can help xD
that only confirmed in theory that nobody needs you. (parents are an exception, and that is not always)

 

[JadedGray]

yes, and how else? society imposes on them the opinion that it is necessary to be interested, but to hear "all is well" in response and to continue the conversation or dialogue. when I accidentally let it slip that I was going to really do it(ctb) - somehow, the communication stopped completely, and no help options or even ask if it can help xD
that only confirmed in theory that nobody needs you. (parents are an exception, and that is not always)

That's true. When you're suicidal and seeking help no one is there for you, but when you make an attempt all people can ask is why you didn't come to them for support.

 

[JoeFailure]

I am tired of putting on a fake smile for the world. I am tired of pretending everything is fine. I am tired of not leaving my house. I am tired of not being 'normal.'

Somebody once asked me what do you like doing. The answer is NOTHING. I don't know what it is like to go to the movies. Or go to a club. Or have friends. I don't know what it is like to have a friend to call just to talk.

I don't know what it is like to do anything 'normal.' I have never fit into this earth. I did try. When I was a kid, I joined ballet, soccer... all the stuff kids did. I never fit in. Never had friends.

There is really no reason for me to be here. Why? To stay in my apartment every day with the tv on. No human contact? What is the purpose?

I can say that here and don't have to worry about it, and you all understand, which I am so thankful for this forum.

I do not want to be here. I want to die. I have done nothing right in my life and even screwed up killing myself.

I want to die. I do not want to be here. I am glad I have a place I can say that without somebody calling 911 to send me to a mental institution. Thank you all for being here and understanding.

I'm sorry to hear that. I understand you, I want to die as well too. I'm trying to stick around but I don't think my situation is salvageable.

If you ever do want someone to talk to on the phone, I'll be around. Nobody deserves to feel that way or to not have anyone to contact. And definitely nobody deserves to suffer.