I am so ridiculously unstable

[etherealgoddess]

And I mean in everything. I want to make friends! Then I ghost all of them because I need to make sure I have my life together because friendships can feel very emotionally and mentally taxing! But I want to live and recover because I have so much hope! But I also could completely abandon all responsibility and extreme pain and slip away with some poison! And I'm constantly so unstable where I feel like things will finally be right, and it's so exhausting because I'm coming to a point where I want to create a grey area, but it's so hard. I want to be stable and commit to things. But it's just so hard to do that. I'm always constantly in a state of, "Everything is perfect!" versus, "Everything fucking sucks." I want to have a more stable sense of reality because this shit is exhausting Jesus Christ.

 

[Forest Fire]

I can relate to your post 100% I want the same and it truly is exhausting. I seem to be incapable of living in the centre of my emotions and flip from one extreme to the other constantly.
I wish i had some advice to give you but all i can say is you're not alone in thinking like this or feeling exhausted from it all and I really hope you can work something out to get a more peaceful state of mind and add the things to your life that will make you happy.

 

[hu3]

And I mean in everything. I want to make friends! Then I ghost all of them because I need to make sure I have my life together because friendships can feel very emotionally and mentally taxing! But I want to live and recover because I have so much hope! But I also could completely abandon all responsibility and extreme pain and slip away with some poison! And I'm constantly so unstable where I feel like things will finally be right, and it's so exhausting because I'm coming to a point where I want to create a grey area, but it's so hard. I want to be stable and commit to things. But it's just so hard to do that. I'm always constantly in a state of, "Everything is perfect!" versus, "Everything fucking sucks." I want to have a more stable sense of reality because this shit is exhausting Jesus Christ.

So real.
in the constant space between "it's so over" and "we're so back."
Hope and love, a dedication to save oneself but always pushed down by oneself or others.

I'm not sure what you could do tbh.
I'm not sure myself.

I try to tell myself that's I'm ok. I'm alive, I'll live, and even with nothing left - I'm still okay because I have myself.
But the constant loneliness, the only remaining hope to live being myself.. that's just sad.

I'm sorry, i understand you - I think Atleast.
all I can say is we'll be fine.
Alive or dead, "We're so back" or "it's so over"

We'll be okay some vague way .. <3?