Venting I am scared of missing out, but I am determined

[hauntyoueveryday]

I've had a plan to CTB since mid April. I tell myself that I am going to do it in August, as that timing is perfect for me. I really want to die, I know it's what I want. I have been miserable since middle school. Knowing that you're going to die makes you focus on the little things, the things that would seem normal (ie. a good meal, a pretty view, etc). I am supposed to go on a trip with my family in August, and I am truly so excited, but I can't decide if I would rather go on the trip or hang myself. I know it really isn't that serious, but it's a question that's seriously been bothering me. I will feel like a failure if I don't CTB when I say I am going to.. I am going to feel weak. I am sorry that I am making no sense right now, I don't know how to express this in a way that makes sense to others. Any advice?

 

[tary]

Are you in a hurry to die? In your place I'd go for the trip to spend some final time with family before CTB. It's up to you whether you want that, of course.

 

[MM's the name]

Well friend enjoy your trip and keep going there are things in life you haven't seen or heard about.
Decision's yours friend

 

[dynastickitten]

You can hang yourself at any time. There's really no rush. Go on the trip.

 

[Yarani]

I will feel like a failure if I don't CTB when I say I am going to.. I am going to feel weak.

Why?


You can be assured that I know the feeling, so I can empathise. But to see this through, try to produce a rational argument.

You made a decision to act, therefore you have to follow through?
Okay.
Isn't it smarter though to also adapt your decisions based on your life's developments?
If you want to go to that trip, go.
I can imagine some of the arguments for and against it that might be going through your head.
But -
Usually the ability to kill yourself doesn't run away. The ability to go on this specific trip with your family now will though.