Venting i am not good enough for anyone

[flatearth]

i had a boyfriend for about five months last year (lets call him j) and i still think about him. this pains me so much because i really did everything i could to make him happy and it wasn't enough. i stopped being shy and showed him my true self and did everything he asked me to. and it still wasn't enough
after j and i broke up, i wanted to better myself for him. i didn't even want to get back together, i just wanted to be good enough for him; i expanded my music taste, the way i dress and look, and stopped being so loud and was able to carry conversations and even add to them! although they were really basic things, i was really proud of myself and i tried to talk to him. he didn't care and actually got really mad
we were absolutely terrible to each other after this and i remember every insult he told me. my "favorites" are: boring, unfunny, predictable, stupid, annoying, and obsessive and that he never loved me. today i got to add another word to the list: "stalker whore bitch"
i thought it'd be funny to text him about a concert we were supposed to go to a year ago. and he's right, it's disgusting that i would remember such a minuscule detail after a year.
i have to leave him alone, but it irks me every night that i will never be good enough for j. he is average looking and overall, just mediocre.
my friends tell me that i am way better than him but it might be biased because, well, they are my friends haha
at first, i thought the only solution to this was to ctb, but now i realize that i could also just move on
but i don't know how

 

[Mm80]

i had a boyfriend for about five months last year (lets call him j) and i still think about him. this pains me so much because i really did everything i could to make him happy and it wasn't enough. i stopped being shy and showed him my true self and did everything he asked me to. and it still wasn't enough
after j and i broke up, i wanted to better myself for him. i didn't even want to get back together, i just wanted to be good enough for him; i expanded my music taste, the way i dress and look, and stopped being so loud and was able to carry conversations and even add to them! although they were really basic things, i was really proud of myself and i tried to talk to him. he didn't care and actually got really mad
we were absolutely terrible to each other after this and i remember every insult he told me. my "favorites" are: boring, unfunny, predictable, stupid, annoying, and obsessive and that he never loved me. today i got to add another word to the list: "stalker whore bitch"
i thought it'd be funny to text him about a concert we were supposed to go to a year ago. and he's right, it's disgusting that i would remember such a minuscule detail after a year.
i have to leave him alone, but it irks me every night that i will never be good enough for j. he is average looking and overall, just mediocre.
my friends tell me that i am way better than him but it might be biased because, well, they are my friends haha
at first, i thought the only solution to this was to ctb, but now i realize that i could also just move on
but i don't know how

Its good that you see moving on as an option rather than just ctb.
Why do you take his opinion about you as absolute truth though? Do you ever question if he is right?

 

[Life_and_Death]

If this is the way he is treating you then he's scum and your a million times better then him. You should never change yourself for someone. If they don't like you for you then they aren't worth your time.

 

[flatearth]

If this is the way he is treating you then he's scum and your a million times better then him. You should never change yourself for someone. If they don't like you for you then they aren't worth your time.

thank you. this made me tear up (in a good way ^^)

 

[Deleted member 19654]

You deserve to be with someone who actually cares for you. It's not that you're not good enough for him, he's not good enough for you.

 

[flatearth]

Its good that you see moving on as an option rather than just ctb.
Why do you take his opinion about you as absolute truth though? Do you ever question if he is right?

because he is right, only a "stalker bitch whore" would remember tiny, unimportant details like a concert date from a year ago.
i remember mostly everything about our five months together

 

[Deleted member 19654]

because he is right, only a "stalker bitch whore" would remember tiny, unimportant details like a concert date from a year ago.
i remember mostly everything about our five months together

Even if you are remembering all the small details, he didn't have to call you a whore or a bitch. Find someone who's more deserving of your time and energy and who deserves to be in your thoughts

 

[Life_and_Death]

because he is right, only a "stalker bitch whore" would remember tiny, unimportant details like a concert date from a year ago.
i remember mostly everything about our five months together

Well then I guess I must be one too because I remember a lot.

He's not right. And besides its not exactly like you get to pick what you remember and what you dont. I'm sure a lot of us here would like that option just going to show it doesn't really exist.

 

[Lady_Loveless]

There's absolutely nothing wrong with you. Don't sacrifice who you are for this person. From experience you can do everything right and it still isn't meant to be with some people and that's okay! I recently left my 8 year relationship because I was being cheated on and that person was trying to be what all these other people wanted and not really themselves as well. It just ends up being toxic all around. I've rambled now... Hopefully you get some clarity soon thinking of you

 

[Mm80]

because he is right, only a "stalker bitch whore" would remember tiny, unimportant details like a concert date from a year ago.
i remember mostly everything about our five months together

Its not stalker ish imo to remember a memorable date with someone you care about. It's OK for a relationship to mean a lot. Maybe he is insensitive?
He also called you a whore. From what you've said it doesn't sound like you were cheating so is that correct also?

 

[flatearth]

Even if you are remembering all the small details, he didn't have to call you a whore or a bitch. Find someone who's more deserving of your time and energy and who deserves to be in your thoughts

but how do i find someone? i haven't had the desire to be with someone else for a long time after this
i only had a small fling with my plug but he's stopped talking to me lately
but one of my male friends is kind of interested in me, do you think i should go for it? he's one of my only friends left though, i wouldn't want to ruin that relationship too.

 

[Deleted member 19654]

It's not healthy to go out of your way to constantly try and please someone else. If you are going to make changes and better yourself, do it for you and not for someone else.

but how do i find someone? i haven't had the desire to be with someone else for a long time after this
i only had a small fling with my plug but he's stopped talking to me lately
but one of my male friends is kind of interested in me, do you think i should go for it? he's one of my only friends left though, i wouldn't want to ruin that relationship too.

If you don't feel ready for another relationship then wait until you are. In that time, focus your energies on yourself and make sure you're in the right place mentally/emotionally for a relationship.

The problem with dating someone who's a friend is that it could end up being really messy and you could lose them forever. It's hard to say because it works out for some people but not others.

 

[flatearth]

Its not stalker ish imo to remember a memorable date with someone you care about. It's OK for a relationship to mean a lot. Maybe he is insensitive?
He also called you a whore. From what you've said it doesn't sound like you were cheating so is that correct also?

i never cheated on him and had no intention to, which is quite funny to me because he never trusted me regardless. he would always ask for my phone (that didn't even have a code) and passwords to my social media accounts. actually, he tried to cheat on me twice. i only found out because the girls he tried to make advances on told me (they weren't interested in him LOL)

 

[Mm80]

i never cheated on him and had no intention to, which is quite funny to me because he never trusted me regardless. he would always ask for my phone (that didn't even have a code) and passwords to my social media accounts. actually, he tried to cheat on me twice. i only found out because the girls he tried to make advances on told me (they weren't interested in him LOL)

Oh well. There's your answer then, he was wrong about you being a slut. Maybe he could be wrong about the other stuff? If you believe all what he is saying you may aswell believe something crazy like the earth is flat or something. It's that far fetched

 

[Ghost2211]

If you find yourself doing everything you can to please your partner and be who they want you to be and they still treat you like trash then it's time to move on. You deserve to be loved and respected. You deserve for your efforts to be seen and valued. It's usually good to take some time to be on your own after a toxic relationship to regain your independence and strength since you don't want to just rebound back into old habits. Love will come your way again.

 

[flatearth]

There's absolutely nothing wrong with you. Don't sacrifice who you are for this person. From experience you can do everything right and it still isn't meant to be with some people and that's okay! I recently left my 8 year relationship because I was being cheated on and that person was trying to be what all these other people wanted and not really themselves as well. It just ends up being toxic all around. I've rambled now... Hopefully you get some clarity soon thinking of you

im sorry about your relationship :(
i couldn't bare the pain when my five month relationship ended; i can't even imagine what you're going through
but one thing i do know is that you are strong. thank you

 

[Deleted member 19654]

Don't be afraid to walk away from a relationship if your boyfriend starts to behave like that. He doesn't need access to your password for all your accounts or your phone. Don't be with someone that insults you

 

[flatearth]

The problem with dating someone who's a friend is that it could end up being really messy and you could lose them forever. It's hard to say because it works out for some people but not others.

yes that's what i was thinking. maybe i should just wait
thank you for helping though

 

[Mm80]

Don't be afraid to walk away from a relationship if your boyfriend starts to behave like that. He doesn't need access to your password for all your accounts or your phone. Don't be with someone that insults you

Have you been reading inspirational quote books again max? Very wise tonight lol

 

[flatearth]

Don't be afraid to walk away from a relationship if your boyfriend starts to behave like that. He doesn't need access to your password for all your accounts or your phone. Don't be with someone that insults you

now that i look back on it, that was gross
but i felt like i had to, if i didn't give him my credentials, he might've thought i was hiding something

 

[Deleted member 19654]

Have you been reading inspirational quote books again max? Very wise tonight lol

I'm very wise because I'm a 65 year old woman in disguise. Lots of life experience lol

now that i look back on it, that was gross
but i felt like i had to, if i didn't give him my credentials, he might've thought i was hiding something

Would he have given you all the passwords to his accounts?

 

[flatearth]

If you find yourself doing everything you can to please your partner and be who they want you to be and they still treat you like trash then it's time to move on. You deserve to be loved and respected. You deserve for your efforts to be seen and valued. It's usually good to take some time to be on your own after a toxic relationship to regain your independence and strength since you don't want to just rebound back into old habits. Love will come your way again.

thank you!! i think i will taking some time off for myself now
my main problem is that i feel like i need a partner at all times because i think they are my only source of happiness, but that's not true.

 

[Salt]

i had a boyfriend for about five months last year (lets call him j) and i still think about him. this pains me so much because i really did everything i could to make him happy and it wasn't enough. i stopped being shy and showed him my true self and did everything he asked me to. and it still wasn't enough
after j and i broke up, i wanted to better myself for him. i didn't even want to get back together, i just wanted to be good enough for him; i expanded my music taste, the way i dress and look, and stopped being so loud and was able to carry conversations and even add to them! although they were really basic things, i was really proud of myself and i tried to talk to him. he didn't care and actually got really mad
we were absolutely terrible to each other after this and i remember every insult he told me. my "favorites" are: boring, unfunny, predictable, stupid, annoying, and obsessive and that he never loved me. today i got to add another word to the list: "stalker whore bitch"
i thought it'd be funny to text him about a concert we were supposed to go to a year ago. and he's right, it's disgusting that i would remember such a minuscule detail after a year.
i have to leave him alone, but it irks me every night that i will never be good enough for j. he is average looking and overall, just mediocre.
my friends tell me that i am way better than him but it might be biased because, well, they are my friends haha
at first, i thought the only solution to this was to ctb, but now i realize that i could also just move on
but i don't know how

this is so pathetic mate. i can understand what u might go through. its hard i know. you forgot yourself what you were because of someone else.you were so in love. but at the end he took everything,.he doesn't know how to appreciate someone's effort for them.they don't understand the meaning between love and stalker whore. its a good step that you r finally accepting the fact that u want to move on. why change yourself if he doesn't like? you can still love yourself ,still do things that made you smile,your own style,yoir own taste. try to understand yourself, experiment with your own self. what makes you feel better for yourself. at least live a minimalist life ,i hope you the best mate

 

[Ghost2211]

thank you!! i think i will taking some time off for myself now
my main problem is that i feel like i need a partner at all times because i think they are my only source of happiness, but that's not true.

I know how that feels. It can be hard to be alone when you've been with someone a long time. It does get easier as time passes though.

 

[marcusuk63]

remember tiny, unimportant details like a concert date from a year ago.
i remember mostly everything about our five months together

Or you have a good memory

 

[flatearth]

Would he have given you all the passwords to his accounts?

no. i took his phone once as a joke and he got on top of me and wouldn't get off until i gave it back

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

because he is right, only a "stalker bitch whore" would remember tiny, unimportant details like a concert date from a year ago.
i remember mostly everything about our five months together

Okay so, rationally, anyone who has a good memory, including about things that were important to them, is a stalker bitch whore? Really??

Isn't it just as possible, in fact quite likely accurate, that he verbally attacked you and was emotionally violent with you? That he labeled and shamed you to make you smaller than him because he is small inside, and uses what power he has to aggress rather than hold himself back and be respectful and assertive?

Is this controlling little blustering pissant worthy of ending your life over?

Moving on doesn't mean you know the destination, but that you're untangling yourself from and getting distance from him and his shit that you didn't cause, can't cure, and can't control.

 

[flatearth]

this is so pathetic mate. i can understand what u might go through. its hard i know. you forgot yourself what you were because of someone else.you were so in love. but at the end he took everything,.he doesn't know how to appreciate someone's effort for them.they don't understand the meaning between love and stalker whore. its a good step that you r finally accepting the fact that u want to move on. why change yourself if he doesn't like? you can still love yourself ,still do things that made you smile,your own style,yoir own taste. try to understand yourself, experiment with your own self. what makes you feel better for yourself. at least live a minimalist life ,i hope you the best mate

thank you! it's good to know that i'm not a stalker bitch haha
i hope the best for you too

 

[Deleted member 19654]

no. i took his phone once as a joke and he got on top of me and wouldn't get off until i gave it back

Wanting access to your phone and all your accounts is controlling behaviour. It says a lot that he won't let you have access to his phone but wants to have access to yours.

 

[marcusuk63]

When i was young i could remember everything in detail including useless facts and often had people ringing me asking things they had been trying to remember details of (long before google)
Nowaday i have a job remembering what , when of even if i had anything a to eat the day before .