I am new here

[sometimesoon]

Hi Everyone

I am new here, though I have been lurking in the background for a long time. But now I think it's time to be serious and share with other people with similar feelings

My preferred method is hanging or partial suspension. I did make a serious attempt not that long ago, but because I was clumsy, I didn't tie the anchor well enough. I did lose consciousness but I woke up with a bloody nose and blood on the floor. I had to pull myself up from the floor with a bad headache, and bruises around my neck that I had to hide for a week or so.

But it did confirm my feelings that I intend to cancel my future, and it's the right thing for me to do.

Now it's just getting up the courage to do it again with a better knot.

I wish I had some story that explains these feelings, but I don't. I have had a relatively okay existence but there is just this nagging feeling that CTB is the way to go.

Do others have what they think is a normal existence but still have the urge to CTB?

 

[Seered Doom]

Welcome to Sasu, sorry that you're here

 

[Ligottian]

Welcome to Sasu, sorry that you're here

That was the traditional greeting to newbies at the old usenet group alt.suicide.holiday. You beat me to it.

 

[drakflowerfire]

Welcome to Sasu! I hope you find the peace you need.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Welcome to the forum!

 

[litttlebimple]

I wish I had some story that explains these feelings, but I don't. I have had a relatively okay existence but there is just this nagging feeling that CTB is the way to go.

Do others have what they think is a normal existence but still have the urge to CTB?

I kinda feel the same way. I've had a pretty normal life but have almost always felt pulled towards suicide.

 

[honestmind]

Hi, I'm new here as well. There's a Soprano's quote that I feel like describes my whole reason for wanting to CTB. "It's like the regularness of life is too fucking hard for me". I just can't get on with it anymore. I don't think I was put in a place that would've been too hard for me to have a "good" life- but my brain just doesn't want to live and is too terrified all the time to even hope anything will get better.

 

[sometimesoon]

Hi, I'm new here as well. There's a Soprano's quote that I feel like describes my whole reason for wanting to CTB. "It's like the regularness of life is too fucking hard for me". I just can't get on with it anymore. I don't think I was put in a place that would've been too hard for me to have a "good" life- but my brain just doesn't want to live and is too terrified all the time to even hope anything will get better.

For me you just get tired of living and want to transition to being dead.

What method are you contemplating - mine is hanging or jumping

 

[honestmind]

For me you just get tired of living and want to transition to being dead.

What method are you contemplating - mine is hanging or jumping

Yeah, I feel that too. Jumping would be my ideal but unfortunately there's no bridges near me high enough to guarantee death and I don't want to fall onto someone or traffic. Currently working up to getting a firearm but I've never used a gun before so I'm pretty nervous. I am set on suicide by September though so I have to get over it. I'm not actually anxious about doing it, but the thought of going through each step (getting an ID, going to the shop, learning how) is making me nervous.

 

[feelinggloomy]

Welcome

 

[Fleki]

From one ex-lurker to another, welcome!

To (attempt to) answer your question, I don't necessarily feel totally normal, but I do feel a little "underqualified" as a suicidal person, if that makes sense. Like I could have it a lot worse, I mean. I don't try to think too hard about it, though. Science doesn't seem to have the greatest grasp on why exactly suicidality occurs anyways, so why should I waste my brainpower on that?

 

[sometimesoon]

From one ex-lurker to another, welcome!

.... I do feel a little "underqualified" as a suicidal person, .....

I do like the way you expressed that - I feel like that too