motherwithtwoheads
Member
- Nov 27, 2024
- 5
ive recently had such a hard time finding my way through life. dont get me wrong, i live the same routine of studying and working, all very much the same as before. but recently i had an incident where a close friend of multiple years told me he had feelings for me (fir the second time, i rejected him after about a year of friendship). it might seem like no big deal but to me it was the last straw on my back. there had already been underlying problems like the loss of a close friend to drugs and eventually suicide, being burnt out, recent breakup with my long term partner, and breaking my sobriety of weed and alcohol after a really long time. anyway the whole situation made me spiral and i had a manic episode and ended up relapsing to self harm after over a year of being clean, and almost bought coke after being sober for over 2 years. (i started taking amphetamine based prescription drugs - not mine)
Its been almost a month since this incident and i've constantly had urges to self harm or take stronger drugs/ get wasted because i feel like thats the only way i can feel anything at all instead of just greyness. i am confused as to how im supposed to get out of this cycle and how i will keep living. i want to clear up once more that this is NOT my friends fault, he could not have known my situation.
please, if you have any advice.
Its been almost a month since this incident and i've constantly had urges to self harm or take stronger drugs/ get wasted because i feel like thats the only way i can feel anything at all instead of just greyness. i am confused as to how im supposed to get out of this cycle and how i will keep living. i want to clear up once more that this is NOT my friends fault, he could not have known my situation.
please, if you have any advice.
