Venting I am letting go of myself.

[darkdarkdark]

Today, I had a doctor's appointment.
I went there and told him that I ordered SN and I'm going to ctb.
His reaction was 'People who would actually kill themselves wouldn't talk about this, thus you do not want to ctb! You came all the way from your home to the hospital, so you still have some energy within you. I think you can recover.'
Then he sent me back home.
I was like wtf.
Now I feel like I really have to ctb to prove my point. Lol

He was my last string of hope.
And now I have no one to talk to.

 

[neemva]

you mean you just went to tell him that you want to ctb? 0.0

 

[AllMyDreams]

That is so ridiculous, JFC. When I was depressed I once literally went to the hospital and asked for euthanasia (and they put me in the psych ward).

If you'd like to talk about anything, let me know. Why do you want to ctb? Whatever the case don't let one bad doctor decide whether your live or die.

 

[darkdarkdark]

you mean you just went to tell him that you want to ctb? 0.0

Yeah I don't know what I was thinking he's a psych doctor I honestly kinda hoped a little bit that I'd be hospitalized but I guess that's not gonna happen

That is so ridiculous, JFC. When I was depressed I once literally went to the hospital and asked for euthanasia (and they put me in the psych ward).

If you'd like to talk about anything, let me know. Why do you want to ctb? Whatever the case don't let one bad doctor decide whether your live or die.

I just have had this horrible depression for more than 10 years now and I'm done with it.

I also have a lawsuit going on bc I was sexually harassed and the prosecutor thinks I'm lying and I might get sued back for 'false accusation' which is bs.

I am a emotional, financial burden to my family I always owe them something and I'm just so sorry that I am alive.

I just feel sorry for being born. Never was my will but I just can't bear myself anymore.

 

[AllMyDreams]

Yeah I don't know what I was thinking he's a psych doctor I honestly kinda hoped a little bit that I'd be hospitalized but I guess that's not gonna happen

I just have had this horrible depression for more than 10 years now and I'm done with it.

I also have a lawsuit going on bc I was sexually harassed and the prosecutor thinks I'm lying and I might get sued back for 'false accusation' which is bs.

I am a emotional, financial burden to my family I always owe them something and I'm just so sorry that I am alive.

I just feel sorry for being born. Never was my will but I just can't bear myself anymore.

If it's something you've had for that long... I totally understand wanting to ctb. It's hard enough to live one year with constant depression let alone ten years. And I'm really sorry that you were sexually harassed. Sad reality is so many sexual harassers don't get justice. It's not your fault, nor is it something you should feel guilty over, no matter what happens.

Re. your family I can relate, because I'm unemployed and have sometimes needed money from them, and it does impact my self-worth. But I just have to be forgiving toward myself. Because you have problems that relatively few people have, you need some extra help from others in order to live. That doesn't mean you're not worthwhile of life. Many people have problems - some physical and they need full-time caregivers, and some mental and they need help from their families. Whether physical or mental it's an illness, not your identity.

When we're depressed we tend to "pile on" little things and make them seem worse than they actually are, so just be wary of that. Try to think about each problem you have individually, and ask yourself rationally: what's the worst that can happen? How likely even is that outcome?

 

[SilentSadness]

It seems pointless to tell anyone about ctb plans, they always react in this way with no empathy or understanding. The risk of being incarcerated or belittled is too high, and for what purpose anyway. I hope you can find peace.

 

[StillBreathing]

Today, I had a doctor's appointment.
I went there and told him that I ordered SN and I'm going to ctb.
His reaction was 'People who would actually kill themselves wouldn't talk about this, thus you do not want to ctb! You came all the way from your home to the hospital, so you still have some energy within you. I think you can recover.'
Then he sent me back home.
I was like wtf.
Now I feel like I really have to ctb to prove my point. Lol

He was my last string of hope.
And now I have no one to talk to.

Wow, I would change doctor asap. When I first mentioned my suicidal thoughts to mine he started me on therapy, medications etc within a couple of weeks. He is a young man, early 30s. I feel like he understands me more than any other doctor's I had.

 

[skylarwhiteyo104781]

Damn. My doctor saw cuts on my arm two years ago and still checks in on me to this day. Get a more empathetic doctor asap you deserve someone who cares.

Totally understand the act of bringing up suicide and not being taken seriously. Sucks.

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that it's a terrible idea being so open about wanting to ctb, such a thing could never be beneficial as so many in this world are against the right to die and refuse to try and understand. And even worse it could potentially cause that person to interfere with suicide plans. But anyway that person just sounds so ignorant, it's clear that person is not suicidal as they clearly have no idea as to how suicide isn't straightforward and how one has to overcome the survival instinct in order to ctb. I think people who think that they know what's best for other people despite the fact that they cannot experience life the same way really are so arrogant.