Thisgirlwantstosleep
A pointless life had in a pointless world
- Mar 11, 2019
- 130
I've never met anyone as alone and downtrodden as I am. Even amongst people that feel the same as I do I am still at the bottom hierarchy.
I just deleted my account from a different forum which consisted of a community of ugly people who talk about the difficulties and discrimination we face as a result of our looks.
Basically this guy contacted me on reddit . I ignored him at first because I've had way too many negative online experiences than any one person should, but then entertained it because I was curious to see how it would up.
I was very upfront with him about my various issues (mental health issues, messed up teeth due to depression ect.) and he was still interested so I gave him my details so we could talk outside of reddit.
It was okay at first, just very slow moving as our schedules clashed.
Then he was taking longer and longer to reply as if he wasn't interested. I gave him my number and all and he made no attempts to contact me so I just thought fuck it.
I didn't want to chase after anyone. Been there, done that, ends terribly.
The whole thing pissed me off for various reasons, but most importantly because it didn't make sense.
Why make so much effort to try to talk to me just for you to fuck around, like it doesn't make sense. And it's not even like I gave him the impression that I was someone other than who I am. I was honest and you said you were okay with it and then you go and do bullshit.
Tbh I was very skeptical about that working out anyway considering the shit I post on my account. In my head I was thinking do I really want to speak to someone who has access to this very personal information that I wouldn't tell them if we had met organically.
The whole reason of why I'm upset is because this person represented an escape from this life of isolation and nothingness. They represented the key to the beginning of a normal life.
I don't think many people are able to guage just how socially isolated I am, and the fact that I've been like that for a long time.
Long story short I caved and contacted this person again and wrote about it on this group and they basically ridiculed me calling me pathetic.
In the one place where I was supposed to find solace, even there I'm treated like a leper.
I think the loneliness is making me crazy. My brain doesn't want to accept that this person isn't interested in me because I literally have nothing and no one.
I'm just extremely lonely to the point that I feel physical pain. I don't even know what this person looks like yet I've fantasized about our relationship, and me meeting their imaginary friends that I don't even know.
I'm just obsessed with the idea of finally having a normal life, not like it would even make up for the hell that's been my 23 years of living. If I can't feel even a miniscule amount of joy, why am I here?
I'm just in a lot of pain right now and I want to die.
I'm sick of this existence where I feel like an extra in my own life. I get to see everyone form relationships and make friends and have sex whilst I continue to wither all alone by myself.
Not only that but I have to deal with people constantly treating me like shit because I'm on welfare/benefits, I'm ugly and mentally ill.
I'm exhausted and I want to sleep and never wake up again.
I just deleted my account from a different forum which consisted of a community of ugly people who talk about the difficulties and discrimination we face as a result of our looks.
Basically this guy contacted me on reddit . I ignored him at first because I've had way too many negative online experiences than any one person should, but then entertained it because I was curious to see how it would up.
I was very upfront with him about my various issues (mental health issues, messed up teeth due to depression ect.) and he was still interested so I gave him my details so we could talk outside of reddit.
It was okay at first, just very slow moving as our schedules clashed.
Then he was taking longer and longer to reply as if he wasn't interested. I gave him my number and all and he made no attempts to contact me so I just thought fuck it.
I didn't want to chase after anyone. Been there, done that, ends terribly.
The whole thing pissed me off for various reasons, but most importantly because it didn't make sense.
Why make so much effort to try to talk to me just for you to fuck around, like it doesn't make sense. And it's not even like I gave him the impression that I was someone other than who I am. I was honest and you said you were okay with it and then you go and do bullshit.
Tbh I was very skeptical about that working out anyway considering the shit I post on my account. In my head I was thinking do I really want to speak to someone who has access to this very personal information that I wouldn't tell them if we had met organically.
The whole reason of why I'm upset is because this person represented an escape from this life of isolation and nothingness. They represented the key to the beginning of a normal life.
I don't think many people are able to guage just how socially isolated I am, and the fact that I've been like that for a long time.
Long story short I caved and contacted this person again and wrote about it on this group and they basically ridiculed me calling me pathetic.
In the one place where I was supposed to find solace, even there I'm treated like a leper.
I think the loneliness is making me crazy. My brain doesn't want to accept that this person isn't interested in me because I literally have nothing and no one.
I'm just extremely lonely to the point that I feel physical pain. I don't even know what this person looks like yet I've fantasized about our relationship, and me meeting their imaginary friends that I don't even know.
I'm just obsessed with the idea of finally having a normal life, not like it would even make up for the hell that's been my 23 years of living. If I can't feel even a miniscule amount of joy, why am I here?
I'm just in a lot of pain right now and I want to die.
I'm sick of this existence where I feel like an extra in my own life. I get to see everyone form relationships and make friends and have sex whilst I continue to wither all alone by myself.
Not only that but I have to deal with people constantly treating me like shit because I'm on welfare/benefits, I'm ugly and mentally ill.
I'm exhausted and I want to sleep and never wake up again.
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