Venting i am gonna graduate from college and it makes me wanna vomit

[TheFeltIsFelting]

i'm 24, and it's my last year at college. i should be happy but i hate this major so much. my college life has been pathetic: i never liked the classes, i never made close friendships, i never had the energy to put the effort in passing my classes (i'm like 2 years behind, i should have finished my major by now) and when i sleep i dream of getting my diploma and throwing it in the trash.

i picked the major at random and hated it since first semester, but i told myself "well, i will keep at it until i find something else to do with my life", but that day never came. i never had any passion or hobby, and i've had jobs so simple i could do them at bed with my laptop 2 hours a day, and even THEN i could not work. my chest hurts everytime i try to do something, and everything makes me feel so tired. even cooking is so fucking draining, i almost never eat because of that. i just am not a functional person.

this aimlessness with life, plus platonic and romantic loneliness, are the reasons i will kill myself. i first told myself i had an entire year to do it, since according to my calculations i needed to pass 3 semesters to finish the major. when i went to sign up for the semester i realised i could schedule things so i finish in 2 semesters, and since i enter vacations in july, i told myself i would do it in june. its a nice date too, since my birthday is in june: i have a birthday party with some friends (which would secretly be a farewell party) and then do it.

but i started the second-to-last semester one week ago and i just can't live any longer. i've been at home rotting in my bed and i can't think of anything else but death. i only have 2 close friends: one of them is always at her job, and the other is hanging out every day with an ex-situationship (thats a long story, but all in all, i dont feel like she likes my friendship anymore). i feel truly alone, never a priority for anyone, never seen beyond the surface mask we all carry. i legitimately feel like i am not even real, just a ghost in everyones minds, who they will not even remember when i die.

i really, really wish i was brave enough to kill myself asap. hell, even today lol. death is in my mind every second, my chest hurts and i just want to be gone from this world

 

[Chito and Yuuri]

Alright, listen here, you are about to graduate, meaning that you have another path in life opening up for you. Make sure you use it or lose it, and if you end up killing yourself anyway then I can't help you out from there but take my advice and try to make sure that you actually put an attempt towards living life to the fullest I suppose, that's all I have to really say.

 

[TheFeltIsFelting]

Alright, listen here, you are about to graduate, meaning that you have another path in life opening up for you. Make sure you use it or lose it, and if you end up killing yourself anyway then I can't help you out from there but take my advice and try to make sure that you actually put an attempt towards living life to the fullest I suppose, that's all I have to really say.

i don't plan to ever looking for a job in this field tbh. its a major in psychology, can you imagine someone feeling like this trying to help people? would be more harmful than anything. plus, just doing the internships themselves make me miserable.

 

[Worndown]

Damn...