iamalreadydead
Student
- Nov 25, 2022
- 149
I mean this seriously and genuinely i have always felt like an other, Im stupid as fuck and can't form complete thoughts or internalize any information, i can't speak properly because i have a speech impairment directly tied to the severe social anxiety i was afflicted with since i was 6 years old and now feel at a near constant basis, my heart rate is completely fucked, which for some reason this anxiety has transformed into fucking hate for everybody because I fucking hate that I'm forced to interact with the outside world even though i have NO fucking desire to, i hate showing my face and have worn a mask consistently even before the fucking pandemic and everytime someone tries to get me to take it off I want to fucking ring their neck, every part of my body is disgusting and being dejected and othered for it just for other people to get mad that i dont show it makes me so fucking mad. I want to rip my skin off because of how ugly it makes me feel, i have always always always felt that my body is not mine. It is probably half because i am genuinely ugly and half because of abuse/sex abuse/neglect but when i'm walking outside and can feel the fucking capillaries expanding in my skin from the movement I genuinely want to shave every bit of flesh off of my legs.
about my head and face, i feel a strong urge to cut myself there until there is nothing but scar tissue, my eyes are the most "okay" part of my body and the only part i've ever received compliments on but even then I don't fucking like how beady and weird they are, i have legitimately thought of cutting one of them out so i have an excuse to wear an eyepatch and blot out half of whats visible on my face. That plus my mask would be as close as i can get to appropriately and acceptably get bitches out of my fucking space and not allow them to see me. My hair is completely unmanageable and grows such a disgusting way around my head. It doesnt matter what i do to it. Its fucking This ugly. This body means nothing to me. I have a useless tiny brain and a worthless, limp, saggy fucking body and giant ugly head. Fuck all life on this earth
about my head and face, i feel a strong urge to cut myself there until there is nothing but scar tissue, my eyes are the most "okay" part of my body and the only part i've ever received compliments on but even then I don't fucking like how beady and weird they are, i have legitimately thought of cutting one of them out so i have an excuse to wear an eyepatch and blot out half of whats visible on my face. That plus my mask would be as close as i can get to appropriately and acceptably get bitches out of my fucking space and not allow them to see me. My hair is completely unmanageable and grows such a disgusting way around my head. It doesnt matter what i do to it. Its fucking This ugly. This body means nothing to me. I have a useless tiny brain and a worthless, limp, saggy fucking body and giant ugly head. Fuck all life on this earth
