Thanks. I believe that most members here use anonymous name, or nickname
I feel so lonely but reading your replies help me feel better
I traveled 75% road. Only 25% remaining
I feel so lonely. I will drown myself because sea is excellent for hiding my body & me not being easily found
I wish you well on your travels. Whichever way it goes, I will be thinking of you. I hope you find peace.
Going out in the wilderness sounds lovely to be honest. Don't cry, it's not a sad thing either way.
Thank you. I just badly miss my dog
UPDATE:
I entered final bus. A 1.5 hour journey ahead
I feel like I want to throw up. My heart races. I badly miss my dog. But I shouldn't give in and return. I have no job, nothing. There is only one job I can return - where I was abused and left it due to all kinds of abuse. Now, I have to return, express how much grateful I am that my former abusers created a valuable opportunity for my stubborn self to return.
Instead of returning, I ctb
before that, for years, probably I applied to so many jobs. Everywhere I was made fun of due to my low weight (45kg). I am 29 but everyone toxicly says I look like I am 16 years old hot girly looking boy
I am NOT attention seeking by writing this post. I just need human connection during these moments. It's very emotionally hard (logically correct though) to even make a decision to ctb.
almost everyone I met (even random strangers) mention I look so young as if I am just a boy. They tell this in a tone as if I am a baby
it's either ctb or returning to a place where I was sexually abused and taken advantage of.
The saddest truth is that I exaggerate nothing. I write reality, underpaying, not exaggerating
My dog probably badly misses me now.
In order to not attract attention, I cry inside. Life taught me how to cry inside
once I had to take a leave to go to doctor. Abuser made fun of me and told me, ok go. At hospital, doctor said "There is nothing wrong with you, you little man child. You wasted my time"
i returned back. Told this to my abuser. He replied:
"If i were that doctor, i would directly kick you out of hospital. You stupid. Don't worry, I just joke"
Now I either ctb or go back and tell him how sorry I was to leave his job. How much I owe him
I am determined, I tried everything and nothing worked
"our jobs are also hard. Don't act like child. Return and apologize!"
That is what I heard every time I reached out for help, mentioning even I feel suicidal
So, I am determined but I feel horrible. I can't describe this feeling. I am confident but feel very horrible
