I almost miss being suicidal

[BluesRunTheGame]

'Cause I'm living a nothing life (other than my natonal football team doing well). Obvs I joined in December but let me tell you I lurked all 2020 and someone caught the bus every week with SN. Every goddamn week. Was both heartbreaking and life-affirming. I guess it's so much harder to come by now but those pioneers are no doubt at peace now; God bless 'em all.

 

[Pure]

It's not uncommon to feel that way because suicide is such a huge crutch. Appreciate feeling that over being actually suicidal.

 

[BluesRunTheGame]

It's not uncommon to feel that way because suicide is such a huge crutch. Appreciate feeling that over being actually suicidal.

No trust me I know what it means to be actually suicidal. I sized up many road bridges, learned how to tie knots, learned all the bus routes to Beachy Head, looked into SN, all in 2020. And none of it will ever leave my mind.

 

[motel rooms]

So, now you're just miserable, but no longer suicidal?

 

[newave3]

Hi Blues. Perhaps your enjoyment of the Euro Cup took your mind off of being suicidal. Suicidal thoughts seem to ebb and flow. They can be strong for long periods of time and then weaken only to return again strong as ever. They never seem to go away entirely once they begin.
Anyway, it's good you don't feel them so strongly anymore.

 

[BluesRunTheGame]

So, now you're just miserable, but no longer suicidal?

It's tricky. I love this forum and I can't give it up. I was proper suicidal 2019-20 but I'm not saying I'm in recovery now or anything. I'm just on pause, living a NEET life. And as @newave3 says, it's probably true how much the Euros have helped me, especially as I'm English. Basically I'm poised for recovery, if only someone would pull me out of these sewars. More likely is I'll sink back down, even if I get the amazing high of seeing England play at least in a final, which I have never experienced.

Anyway I'm relying on NEETbux which are gonna be massively cut in September in the UK so it's true; I really don't know what I'm gonna do.

 

[filthyrottendirty]

It's tricky. I love this forum and I can't give it up. I was proper suicidal 2019-20 but I'm not saying I'm in recovery now or anything. I'm just on pause, living a NEET life. And as @newave3 says, it's probably true how much the Euros have helped me, especially as I'm English. Basically I'm poised for recovery, if only someone would pull me out of these sewars. More likely is I'll sink back down, even if I get the amazing high of seeing England play at least in a final, which I have never experienced.

Anyway I'm relying on NEETbux which are gonna be massively cut in September in the UK so it's true; I really don't know what I'm gonna do.

This is just like my life I was suicidal up until a few months ago and I'm living as a neet now too

 

[FuneralCry]

Life can be exhausting. I think when someone is so used to having suicidal thoughts and they have spent so much time focusing on it, it can be like an empty feeling to no longer have them. It is understandable.

 

[GreenTree]

Like blues run the game I'm finding the Euros a great distraction. Dreading them finishing to be honest. Football dominated my life before illness set in. Used to play, watch at stadiums, travel all over England for away games. Then this bastard illness kicked in. I'm not really getting excited as I used too in matches but am finding it a welcome distraction. I also hope for at least us getting to the final as only seen us in 3 semi finals. Still get ctb thoughts but not as bad. I think when Euros are over they'll get bad again. Maybe Olympics games will help.

 

[hybridtheory]

Life can be exhausting. I think when someone is so used to having suicidal thoughts and they have spent so much time focusing on it, it can be like an empty feeling to no longer have them. It is understandable.

this is well written

 

[Originaldon]

Experiencing this myself right now, have spent the last 3 months highly suicidal no doubts. After a very emotional event at the weekend I do not have the thoughts burning in my head anymore. However I find it terrifying because I'm still in the same situation of suffering