Venting I almost ctb today

[HannahB]

Today was so stressful. My partner had to take their mom to have her breast cancer removed. I'm out of my meds out of cigarettes and I had to stop going to counciling cause I cant afford it. All day i just drew to try to distract myself but by 2 I broke down crying and found myself in the bathroom with a rope around my neck. I was so close but I just couldn't knowing my partner was coming home with their mom. Fuck :(

 

[MysticPerception]

I know the feeling well. I've had multiple times where I wanted to make an attempt because I was completely broken down and wanted more than anything to escape right in that moment. But I couldn't due to knowing I would be "saved" by the people who would be home soon or were already in the house with me. I hope you feel a little better soon.

 

[Jean4]

You aren't the only one if that makes you feel any better. I was joking Mercury must be in Retrograde. It was a horrible day.

I am glad you made it through. Come here and talk if you need to. We are always here.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

I'm on the edge too.

 

[Jean4]

I'm on the edge too.

You aren't the only one. We all are. Deep breaths. Tomorrow is a new day and this too shall pass.

 

[Squiddy]

Today sucked for me too. I'm trying to get back into counselling (well this partial hospitalization program), but no one can take me and I'm starting to lose hope and am ready to say fuck it and give up

 

[HannahB]

Today was a wierd day

 

[cosmicpixiedust]

I'm sorry that you are struggling and are out of your meds. :( That's always very hard to deal with, especially without therapy. I also have not had the best day, and I woke up sick the day before. Here's to hoping that tomorrow is at least slightly better for all of us. If you want someone to talk to, feel free to pm me. I'm a good listener.

 

[Quarky00]

I call these days 'omnishambles'
Getting hit in all directions at once
It really crashes a person
You're "brave" to "withstand" this (cannot find right words)

 

[Sensei]

Today sucked for me too. I'm trying to get back into counselling (well this partial hospitalization program), but no one can take me and I'm starting to lose hope and am ready to say fuck it and give up

You can't give up now, buddy. You know the source of your suffering and you're in treatment. This is an opening for you, a chance to turn your life around.

 

[Quarky00]

trying to get back into counselling (well this partial hospitalization program), but no one can take me

"Outpatient hospitalization"? Or outpatient clinic if treatment just couple of hours, I think....

For more than a year I applied/waited for several programs. That really broke me down. Filling forms, waiting months, doing interview, then denied. Wash rinse repeat. Healthcare resources, known problem everywhere. It has became so bad, that by the time appointments/treatment start many patients don't show up (for renal treatment etc). Try your best.

 

[Squiddy]

"Outpatient hospitalization"? Or outpatient clinic if treatment just couple of hours, I think....

For more than a year I applied/waited for several programs. That really broke me down. Filling forms, waiting months, doing interview, then denied. Wash rinse repeat. Healthcare resources, known problem everywhere. It has became so bad, that by the time appointments/treatment start many patients don't show up (for renal treatment etc). Try your best.

As in no one can drive me to my appointments

 

[Quarky00]

Sorry to hear that :| (same for me btw)

 

[Squiddy]

Sorry to hear that :| (same for me btw)

I even tried calling my insurance company and they said they can't provide transportation

 

[Quarky00]

I even tried calling my insurance company and they said they can't provide transportation

Shows you're really trying all options, that's good. It is a problem. You need to be there daily / for how many hours?

 

[Squiddy]

Shows you're really trying all options, that's good. It is a problem. You need to be there daily / for how many hours?

The program is from 9am to 3pm

 

[HannahB]

I even tried calling my insurance company and they said they can't provide transportation

Idk if this will help but where I live there's ride share groups for fb. And also a neighbors helping neighbors group. Sometimes local safe houses and youth homes have resources for rides and stuff too
Maybe even craigslist?

 

[Squiddy]

Idk if this will help but where I live there's ride share groups for fb. And also a neighbors helping neighbors group. Sometimes local safe houses and youth homes have resources for rides and stuff too

I'm not sure if there are any youth houses or safe homes near me since I live in a rural area

 

[HannahB]

I'm not sure if there are any youth houses or safe homes near me since I live in a rural area

I'm sorry :( I know the feeling we live 20 miles from the nearest city.

 

[Squiddy]

I'm sorry :( I know the feeling we live 20 miles from the nearest city.

And I thought about Uber too, but I calculated the distance and it was $27 to get to the program

 

[Quarky00]

The program is from 9am to 3pm

Same , till 4pm

Well, that's ironic. Hospital 5 miles away but I can't get there -- while rural life could have provided temp relief (don't know for sure).

 

[TAW122]

I'm sorry to hear about your struggles and you are really kind for considering your partner and his mother. Hope you are able to find peace down the road.

 

[Squiddy]

Same , till 4pm

Well, that's ironic. Hospital 5 miles away but I can't get there -- while rural life could have provided temp relief (don't know for sure).

Hospital here is about 30 minutes away

 

[Davout]

Today was so stressful. My partner had to take their mom to have her breast cancer removed. I'm out of my meds out of cigarettes and I had to stop going to counciling cause I cant afford it. All day i just drew to try to distract myself but by 2 I broke down crying and found myself in the bathroom with a rope around my neck. I was so close but I just couldn't knowing my partner was coming home with their mom. Fuck :(

The problem - some other person's problem but one that must be considered - is that a hanged person will be discovered and the remains must be taken down and removed. It is a gruesome sight for the discoverer and a traumatic experience as well. You were correct to restrain yourself.

That's also true for other means of suicide (bloodletting, gunshot for examples). I suppose drowning in a deep body of water would be the exception; that, or total self-immolation. Of course, I would recommend seeking recovery and renewal first, but in any event, sparing your survivors any distress should be among one's last concerns.

 

[NotSoComfortablyNumb]

Today was so stressful. My partner had to take their mom to have her breast cancer removed. I'm out of my meds out of cigarettes and I had to stop going to counciling cause I cant afford it. All day i just drew to try to distract myself but by 2 I broke down crying and found myself in the bathroom with a rope around my neck. I was so close but I just couldn't knowing my partner was coming home with their mom. Fuck :(

I'm so sorry that happened for you love. I had the exact same thing when the police knocked down my door. I even took off my wrist bandages at the hospital and tried again but couldn't do it with my mum in the waiting room :( hope u find peace x

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I'm sorry you've been through this. Been there myself. Hope you are OK