Venting Hypocritical perfectionism

[puella]

I don't think anything superficial matters, so why am I a perfectionist when it comes to my 'art'?

I know no one will look over my writing for grammar errors when I'm dead, so why do I kick myself for making one? It feels like writing is the only way I have to express myself; my writing is a big window I hold up so people can see what's inside of me. When there's something wrong with my writing, I feel like something is wrong with who I am. I'll probably never finish writing a CTB letter. Just the idea of a written record, full of mistakes, as the last thing anyone will ever remember of my existence is giving me anxiety.

 

[Kempel556]

In my case is for keeping things organized at all times, I can´t leave my room without everything being in the right position, even if it´s moved a little bit I feel uncomfortable and have to go back to my room to fix it, everything most be always in the same order, it drains me alot not being able to start the day without having to care about this things

 

[carac]

Maybe you are a perfectionist personality type you just don't really see it in yourself

 

[fuhloof]

ah shit i feel like i wrote this myself. im also a creative perfectionist like you who does art, music, poetry, etc. but struggle with being satisfied with my products. lately ive weaned off of those activities and feel like my mental health took a turn for the better. perhaps you would benefit from a break yourself, friend! and maybe come back to those tasks later when youre up to it. or dont, your choice! whatever you think will be best for your peace of mind.

but yes i feel your pain of having nobody even see the creations i make, yet feeling compelled to obsessively rework them Dx i unfortunately cannot offer any advice to you because i have found nothing that works for myself. id give the generic advice of "take it easy, dont have such high standards!" or "accept failure as a normal part of life!" but despite telling myself these things, ive gotten nowhere. my personal cure was just to completely stop all creative activities, and replace them with easier passive activities like reading ebooks, watching netflix, and exercising on my bike! these give me way more satisfaction because they require relatively little effort yet make me feel stimulated.

i used to feel like i betrayed myself for not being creative because ive BEEN creative ever since i was a young kid. i liked piano, guitar, drawing, writing stories, and hell - i used to enjoy them! unfortunately some longstanding patterns have established themselves in my mind, so i have learned to move on and adapt to my new circumstances. maybe i dont need to define myself as a creative person anymore. perhaps creativity is one of the sources of pollution in the biosphere called my life. perhaps it used to be a source of clean air and circulation, but now its just making my world feel suffocating. so i moved on! maybe that wont be your right path exactly, but i just wanted to share my two cents as a former creative. ive since found better hobbies like i said which nourish my mind yet dont make me feel on the edge of a mental breakdown. whether that be going to the park and talking to random dog owners... or coloring in a coloring book (its way more relaxing than making my own art!), there are so many options to explore in terms of activities. just gotta try out different clothes and see which ones fit. ^_^