Venting Hurting so bad

[hopeless08]

I am hurting so much right now and can't take this pain anymore and the worst part is that I'm starting to give up on ctb because it's almost impossible to do.
At least thinking that I wthave a way out of this life made the pain a little more bearable.I will never have a normal life, my depression prevents me from doing anything.I can't even go outside and I have a fear of people seeing me because I hate myself, I don't want anyone to look at me. I'm in my room most of the day,except for an hour or two when I go to my moms room to see her but, to put on a smile is the most difficult thing to do.
How am I suppose to live like this?

 

[FuneralCry]

I certainly understand that it's so dreadful and torturous feeling trapped in this cruel existence, I hate how there isn't a permanent offswitch to instantly find peace from all the suffering existing brings. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[hopeless08]

Yeah it would be amazing to just press a button and be off in peace but I guess the universe enjoys watching us suffering.
That pisses me off.