Venting human life is quite odd...

[soontobec0rpse]

there is nothing to gain from it. we're born to rot. born to decay. i can't seem to appreciate being alive or even others being alive. i thought that maybe i just hadn't found the things i love, or thought worth living.. but that argument never stood well either. i haven't truly loved many things.. but the things i do love still don't make it worth it. for example.. i met this girl years ago, we've been close, and i truly do love her. she makes me feel loved. but i want her to die. not because i hate her, but because i want her to be protected. no i am not homicidal and no i will not harm anyone else. i just simply can't appreciate life. it is such a vile thing in general. when i love things and people.. it pains me to see them alive. because i know they suffer. they always will. because that's what life is. I don't understand wishing death on those you dislike.. it's like the ultimate success?? existence is utterly pointless. i mean really, the only life goals i understand are to end it, or ruin it. the only thing in this cruel world that's worthwhile to me is my own pain. i'm ruining the flesh prison i'm trapped in, and then freeing myself. it sounds perfect to me

 

[Anon1337]

I do wonder if I would even enjoy life if I had everything I wanted. I find life boring. I don't think I value life in the same way most people probably do and I think one reason is because my brain is wired differently.

 

[soontobec0rpse]

I do wonder if I would even enjoy life if I had everything I wanted. I find life boring. I don't think I value life in the same way most people probably do and I think that's just my biology.

that's understandable. i occasionally wonder the same things.. i try not to get too stuck on that stuff tho. since the world we live in isnt very merciful for those struggling anyway. i think i've sort of just come to accept that nothing will ever truly satisfy me. i mean we were born to waste so i might as well waste it the way i want

 

[Anon1337]

that's understandable. i occasionally wonder the same things.. i try not to get too stuck on that stuff tho. since the world we live in isnt very merciful for those struggling anyway. i think i've sort of just come to accept that nothing will ever truly satisfy me. i mean we were born to waste so i might as well waste it the way i want

Same and in doing so I see ctb as the best path for me.

 

[soontobec0rpse]

Same and in doing so I see ctb as the best path for me.

i feel like everyone should just be able to do what they please if it isnt interfering with others or their free will. i'll truly never understand forcing others to live. i think it's the most selfish thing one can do tbh.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

there is nothing to gain from it. we're born to rot. born to decay. i can't seem to appreciate being alive or even others being alive. i thought that maybe i just hadn't found the things i love, or thought worth living.. but that argument never stood well either. i haven't truly loved many things.. but the things i do love still don't make it worth it. for example.. i met this girl years ago, we've been close, and i truly do love her. she makes me feel loved. but i want her to die. not because i hate her, but because i want her to be protected. no i am not homicidal and no i will not harm anyone else. i just simply can't appreciate life. it is such a vile thing in general. when i love things and people.. it pains me to see them alive. because i know they suffer. they always will. because that's what life is. I don't understand wishing death on those you dislike.. it's like the ultimate success?? existence is utterly pointless. i mean really, the only life goals i understand are to end it, or ruin it. the only thing in this cruel world that's worthwhile to me is my own pain. i'm ruining the flesh prison i'm trapped in, and then freeing myself. it sounds perfect to me

I thought of a lot of the same things in your post.

 

[FrostedHoax]

I can relate to alot of this. A large part of my reason for wanting to ctb is seeing how people at the top of the ladder are largely able to just get away with pursuing their own self interests at all costs with little to no regard for how us "peasants" are affected while things seem to just get worse and worse with no signs of anything changing for the better in the long term. The fact that there's is essentially absolutely nothing I can do to change things on a large scale makes my life seem wholly meaningless. I think if certain aspects of my life were different and I was able to live out a "normal" and satisfying life, then maybe I wouldn't be so obsessed with the state of society and the world since I'd probably just be focused on living my own life. But unfortunately, I find my personal life overall extremely unsatisfying and utterly lacking in what I feel is needed for a person to be able to stay grounded and just live their life like normal. Then again, I might just be hardwired to obsess over the big picture and not be able to really appreciate what's right in front of me so even if my life were "better", there's a good chance that I'd be just as miserable again as soon as I start thinking about the world.

 

[FuneralCry]

Existence disgusts me personally, I just view existence as a horrific, tragic mistake, it's totally unnecessary and I could never want to suffer. I think it's irrational to want to endure this futile process of slowly dying in such a harmful world and I hate how people continue to so selfishly force life here so that more people will suffer all for the sake of it, non-existence really is the only relief, no matter what I view it as preferable to not exist.