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SuicidalCurryBoy

Member
Aug 22, 2020
94
This is a follow up to the incident I described here: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...ting-at-my-internship-i-feel-horrible.212801/

I asked if I could have someone alongside me to represent me alongside my autism. They said that's okay.

The HR meeting came, and they asked me to describe the incident...
I remember the exact words she said, and I could've gone into low level detail. But I kept the description high level to avoid coming across as an asshole, and to de-escalate.

Then HR Hag gave a rant. And my friend asked me if I would like him to interject. I said yes, because I'm not too aware of when I'm being attacked or insulted. And I figured he wanted to interject because this Hag was being hostile towards me in a way I didn't understand. When my friend tried to explain... she became extremely hostile, and told my friend to stop talking, even though he wasn't done speaking... Then she asked my friend to leave...

She also said that she has a speech impediment. And that she has a nephew who has autism... And that my friend made things 50 times worse... And she said that they don't usually allow legal representation.

After my friend left, she began the whole lecture anew. Said my friends words were highly inappropriate(all my friend said was that no offense was meant), and I pointed out that he's someone I simply consult on these matters because of his background, to which she said that my personal life is none of her concern... She said that the fact that I brought him onto represent me proves I'm intelligent, and that I said what I said intentionally.... I explained once again, what my intentions were, and she said she doesn't believe me. And what matters in impact. Not intention...

*sigh*

bitch said that she will send me sensitivity training material....

After it was over, I told my friend what happened. He said that bitch was crazy, and the dialogue that came from her is enough to sue her for discrimination and abuse...
*sigh*
Everyone said that woman is crazy...

One of my coworkers told me that he doesn't like the way that women puts down her husband in front of everyone(it's a small NGO run by a family)...

Guys, I am not a fan of drama, and I try to avoid it, and one of the ways I try to avoid is by not acknowledging things, partly because I tend to misread things a lot...

*sigh*

I really want to quit. But I don't wanna leave my coworker hanging.

I expect this behaviour from brown people. Not white people.

I asked my friend if that lady was English, and he said No, she's european. And was probably lying about everything, including her nephew with autism...
@FishRain3469 @Sannti @Forever Sleep @locked*n*loaded @crmrc_in @Paizen
@FishRain3469 @Sannti @Forever Sleep @locked*n*loaded @crmrc_in @Paizen
 
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EmptyBottle

EmptyBottle

🔑 LTO tape exists
Apr 10, 2025
917
Yikes, toxic workplace, maybe get your coworker's discord and discuss over a vc? (and tell your coworker it is a secret, and then offer the suggestion of changing to a better job)

Not acknowledging stuff is sometimes a mistake too, when it involves unfairness

I expect this behaviour from brown people. Not white people.

Also, that is a bit of a racist expectation (maybe it was from unfortunate experiences though?), I have brown skin.
 
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dontwakemeup

Warlock
Nov 11, 2024
783
You expect this behavior from "brown" people? I find that statement disheartening that you feel so low about my people! It's ironic your HR meeting wasn't held by my people and you still left feeling mistreated. Are you going to expect this behavior from Europeans now🤔 How about you take some responsibility for your actions and stop blaming others! Smh
 
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DeadSouls

DeadSouls

Perpetually sad.
Jun 23, 2025
111
I think the original poster, SuicidalCurryBoy, is likely brown.🤎
 
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lysergamide

lysergamide

SO YOU WANNA BE A TRAILBLAZER
Oct 2, 2024
39
You overestimate white people especially those at work, actually everyone at work can be rancid and petty so like whatever. The only thing i have to say is if you constantly feel like shit's off just quit, whether your coworker stays or not, we're talking about your own wellbeing, you're already on SS so that means something. That internship is unpaid anyway.
 
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Wolf Girl

Wolf Girl

"This place made me feel worthless"
Jun 12, 2024
544
As someone with autism who worked for a decade, I can tell you this probably won't get better and they will probably try to find a reason to fire you. Can you get an internship somewhere else?
 
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SuicidalCurryBoy

Member
Aug 22, 2020
94
You expect this behavior from "brown" people? I find that statement disheartening that you feel so low about my people! It's ironic your HR meeting wasn't held by my people and you still left feeling mistreated. Are you going to expect this behavior from Europeans now🤔 How about you take some responsibility for your actions and stop blaming others! Smh
I AM brown
 
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SuicidalCurryBoy

Member
Aug 22, 2020
94
Are you going to expect this behavior from Europeans now🤔
From people with her accent, yes.


That has ALWAYS been a safe bet.

Dealing with the English is always much easier.
 
F

Forever Sleep

Earned it we have...
May 4, 2022
12,778
It sounds like you and your friend were being reasonable and, trying to explain but then, none of us were there. It's hard to know who's in the right/ wrong when it's all heard from one person's perspective. Maybe this woman is especially good friends with the one who took offense and she's letting that connection (unproffessionally) influence her or, maybe there have been offensive remarks made.

Ultimately though, they have more authority. If you want to keep on the better side of them and, keep the job, sometimes we have to just back down. I think it's fine to say we didn't mean any offence but, I think it's also important to apologise for the offense that was taken and show willing to ensure it doesn't happen again. Office politics are such a headache though.

I believe you are eligible to have someone with you at a meeting though. A colleague of mine was accompanied when they had meetings.
 
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SuicidalCurryBoy

Member
Aug 22, 2020
94
Maybe this woman is especially good friends with the one who took offense and she's letting that connection (unproffessionally) influence her or, maybe there have been offensive remarks made.
No.
She WAS the one who took offense. JFL
 
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Forever Sleep

Earned it we have...
May 4, 2022
12,778
No.
She WAS the one who took offense. JFL

Ok but, what do you do with that? Continue to get annoyed with her/ them? Bitch about them behind their backs with other colleagues? (It will likely get back to them.) Or, try to put it behind you? I think that's all you can really do if you don't want it to escalate further. Go on this ridiculous course or whatever they want you to do and, just be cautious in future that they are the sort of people who do take offense at things.

Or, you could choose to fight it I suppose if you're really adament that you're in the right. Ask to have the whole thing reviewed by someone higher up. That could go a few ways. It could make these people afraid enough of you that they stop pulling you up for things. Or, everyone may start to see you as a trouble maker and a nuisance.

It isn't necessarily fair but, that's just the world of work- sadly. People form bonds with one another, have prejudices, take offense, bully colleagues. It's not fun to navigate.

I imagine a lot of people have been in situations with difficult work colleagues. We maybe all go through the same questions: Who is at fault here? If it's them, are they reasonable enough to see their faults and change them? Can we sort this out between ourselves? Who will management side with most likely? Do I have to be around this person that much? Can I work on a strictly professional level with them- don't go anywhere near personal remarks? Is the working environment so toxic now that it's not worth staying? How much do I want this job?

Even if you are 100% in the right, if they aren't willing to concede or make an effort to understand then, you either have to navigate them being unreasonable, fight the case- although, is that worth it/ will it just make things worse? Or, if you really can't find a way through, I guess you could walk away.
 
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crmrc_in

Member
Jul 25, 2025
26
Hmm, it does not look like it went well. I am very very sorry. :aw:

As someone else pointed out, it's difficult to understand how right or wrong someone was when you've only heard one person's version of events. My impression is that:
  • she may be oversensitive, prone to overreacting, or simply enjoys lecturing others
  • you might have a tendency to misread the room
  • she may or may not have some kind of speech impediment, which led you to believe she has an accent that she doesn't actually have (i.e. something other than her real accent).
This combination of factors seems to have brought about the unfortunate situation. A possible interpretation I can come up with (but really, it is just an effort to rationally solve the mistery of what triggered her) is that she might have wrongly thought that you were somehow trying to emphasise her impediment by figuratively referring to it as an accent. But again, this is just a theory of mine.

The good news - if you want to keep the job - is that it does not look like you are being let go. I suspect they would have told you (not sure though). Instead, it seems they will be sending you some training material, which is fine imho.

When that arrives, perhaps you could write a brief email: thank them for the material, say you will make good use of it and learn from it, and include a very short apology about the incident (one line, not too long, the message must be clear) - especially if you have not already apologised explicitly.

As for the lady's comment that intent doesn't matter - she's wrong. Of course it does.

I hope everything works out for the best. 🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀
 
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cemeteryismyhome

cemeteryismyhome

Warlock
Mar 15, 2025
797
You need to get another job as soon as you can.
 
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claracatchingthebus

claracatchingthebus

Clara seems to be waiting for something. But what?
Jun 22, 2025
250
This is a follow up to the incident I described here: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...ting-at-my-internship-i-feel-horrible.212801/

I asked if I could have someone alongside me to represent me alongside my autism. They said that's okay.

The HR meeting came, and they asked me to describe the incident...
I remember the exact words she said, and I could've gone into low level detail. But I kept the description high level to avoid coming across as an asshole, and to de-escalate.

Then HR Hag gave a rant. And my friend asked me if I would like him to interject. I said yes, because I'm not too aware of when I'm being attacked or insulted. And I figured he wanted to interject because this Hag was being hostile towards me in a way I didn't understand. When my friend tried to explain... she became extremely hostile, and told my friend to stop talking, even though he wasn't done speaking... Then she asked my friend to leave...

She also said that she has a speech impediment. And that she has a nephew who has autism... And that my friend made things 50 times worse... And she said that they don't usually allow legal representation.

After my friend left, she began the whole lecture anew. Said my friends words were highly inappropriate(all my friend said was that no offense was meant), and I pointed out that he's someone I simply consult on these matters because of his background, to which she said that my personal life is none of her concern... She said that the fact that I brought him onto represent me proves I'm intelligent, and that I said what I said intentionally.... I explained once again, what my intentions were, and she said she doesn't believe me. And what matters in impact. Not intention...

*sigh*

bitch said that she will send me sensitivity training material....

After it was over, I told my friend what happened. He said that bitch was crazy, and the dialogue that came from her is enough to sue her for discrimination and abuse...
*sigh*
Everyone said that woman is crazy...

One of my coworkers told me that he doesn't like the way that women puts down her husband in front of everyone(it's a small NGO run by a family)...

Guys, I am not a fan of drama, and I try to avoid it, and one of the ways I try to avoid is by not acknowledging things, partly because I tend to misread things a lot...

*sigh*

I really want to quit. But I don't wanna leave my coworker hanging.

I expect this behaviour from brown people. Not white people.

I asked my friend if that lady was English, and he said No, she's european. And was probably lying about everything, including her nephew with autism...
@FishRain3469 @Sannti @Forever Sleep @locked*n*loaded @crmrc_in @Paizen
@FishRain3469 @Sannti @Forever Sleep @locked*n*loaded @crmrc_in @Paizen
start looking for a new position now, but don't tell them, and just move on

you're looking at it like stressed or frustrated...

but don't...

you got some great experience at an NGO with a terrible work culture.

This is a stepping stone... to an even bigger NGO without a terrible work culture.


A few things about HR... HR, more than anything else, is just trying to protect the company from lawsuits, which are expensive. That is like a large percent of what they do. So if it's just you and HR, they can make jokes, say the other worker was being a little over the top, be informal...

If another person is there, there's now a witness. So it becomes more formal. HR can't just be as direct and informal because if they say the wrong thing, it's a problem for them. So bringing someone else into an HR meeting is making it bigger. A smarter idea would just be to secretly record the meeting using a cell phone, make sure it's silent, and not tell HR.

The next thing is this woman sounds like a total bitch, and the woman in the meeting sounds like a total bitch. So generally, you never discuss race, politics, religion, or sex in the workplace. Race and country of origin are too close to one another. You don't generally mention it. She over-reacted completely though, and she asked you what she sounded like. You're in a different country and don't know. She is objectively a fucking bitch. And the woman from HR is objectively completely a fucking bitch. Fuck them both.

Because you have autism, you're probably wondering if you did something socially inappropriate. You didn't. Some people just fucking suck. In a normal work place culture, that woman in the meeting would have responded later saying "Oh, it's okay, I just thought you would know my background is English based on the accent." Let me be clear, that woman is a fucking bitch. And the woman from HR was being a bitch because the person who was pissed was your superior and you were giving HR more work that they didn't want to deal with, and bringing someone in as a witness.

So fuck them, fuck HR, don't bring witnesses into company meetings, start looking for other work at better places, and do not bring this issue up again. Companies don't like dwelling on things. A lot of times people are really distractable and only think about what is right in front of them. Don't bring this issue into their field of attention.

What is great is you aren't fired so you can start searching now, and if someone asks for you a job recommendation, just say you'd rather not let work know that you're leaving until it happens. If you haven't worked there long, they will ask why you are leaving so soon. Just say that two managers are in conflict with one another and it's dramatic and making it uncomfortable for you. (This is likely true: your HR rules probably say to be honest and direct with people, and your manager is being a bitch to you for being direct. Therefore, the managers are in conflict. Do not explain the specifics like this to anyone.) Just be like "oh managers in conflict, sort of dramatic, just exploring other opportunities." EVERYONE WILL UNDERSTAND WHAT THIS MEANS. It means super toxic annoying work environment.

In the future, since you are autistic, just so you know, never speak in meetings. There is no advantage to it, there is no need to do it. It's too dicey. A lot of times in meetings managers have about 10 things they want to cover, and 2 minutes per topic, and they also don't have time for trivial distractions. Ask yourself: "Is this absolutely crucial to the meeting? Is feedback being solicited?" If the answer is no, don't talk during a meeting unless you don't care if you get fired or hate the job.

A large part of doing well at a job is social dynamics and getting along with coworkers. Sometimes the argument you have isn't what the fight is about. Maybe you were late or missed a deadline and your manager is mad about that and is just flipping out about this random shit in front of people to degrade you because she's pissed. But fuck that bitch. Find something else, move on. Start the search now so it will be easier. You don't have to search a lot. Search an hour or two a week.

At work, you want to complement your boss, say nice things to your coworkers that are work-appropriate ("you get so much done. you're making me realize i need to drink more coffee" etc). If you can't tell jokes, just occasionally tell people they are good. This is not optional at work. You NEED to do this to blend in at work, for future reference. Doing your job and being good isn't enough. You can have autism and still complement people.
 
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