How

[lotusflowers13]

How do you carry on with your daily facade when nothing makes you happy?

 

[Judy Garland]

I barely do it. I'm in a waking sleep, just wanting it all to end. I only go out to get groceries (which I no longer have a car, so I have to walk a mile) and then I return to this place, which is a holding cell. Tomorrow morning at 7:00am I will go to Hannaford, and I go so early so I don't have to deal with people. I don't know why I'm still here. I don't know why I am waiting to die. I think to myself that I want a few weeks where I have nothing to do so I can what....I really don't know what that is? I have to get my license renewed (and get a vision test in order to do that...I'll probably fail), I have a doctor's appointment (useless) in two weeks, and the glasses I got are messed up, the optometrist must have written down the wrong prescription, I might be spending the last $600 I'll ever own on Air Conditioning (I think this one I just replaced has problems, it's making noise that sounds like a leak...they aren't going to give me another one free). I'm not happy. All I do is sit in front of this computer watching this, or that. I'm not happy. Why am I going to bother with any of this? Why am I not going right now? I have the means, I have my SN....why am I waiting to use it? What am I waiting for???? Oh and the more I hold off on dying, I hear in my head, "You better use it (SN) soon, it'll go bad....". I'm so tired. I'm a walking dead person. I need to die soon. I need to. I can't keep up with the facade anymore. I can't handle getting my license renewed, a doctors appointment and all that. I can't. I have to wind myself up just to go to the store tomorrow morning. And I don't want to go. I don't want to do anything anymore. I just want out. I want to die. I'm barely carrying on.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

How do you carry on with your daily facade when nothing makes you happy?

I......dont honestly.

I cannot stand the very thought of continuing on day to day. I wish I could move past my guilt of leaving my family behind and just CTB.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I carry on the façade by mostly hiding from the world.

 

[Cathy Ames]

I carry on the façade by mostly hiding from the world.

Ditto. There's actually no need for a façade when you're isolated.

 

[TheBroken]

Yeah, like others, barely. No really .... like one electron away from not being able to put one foot in front of the other.

 

[Capsaicin78]

I don't. I'm currently in the process of getting thrown out of college. I have no sleep schedule whatsoever and I eat mostly junk food/ don't exercise.
So yeah, waiting for my SN is my daily routine I guess. After that all will be good for me

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Just like everyone else on here.....barely. No, really, what is keeping me going now is finishing up my business so that I can ctb in relative peace. My depression is making it hard to get as much done as I would like becuase I;m just so fucking tired all the time. I find myself taking a lot of naps. It's slowing down my progress, but I'm still doing what I can, as fast as I can. I'm just getting the things I can together. I have to get my mom's estate closed out, which should happen in another couple weeks. I've been selling off some of my stuff, although I've got a lot to go. I'll be working on getting my will drafted soon. I have to do some work on some bank accounts and get the beneficiaries switched over to St. Jude's Children Hospital and Shriner's Hospital, since I have no one left in this world. Getting my shit a little more in order is keeping me going right now, but it's a means to an end. The goal is all I have to look forward to. If all goes as planned, I should be far enough along, as least to the point where it's good enough, by next Spring, I hope. If I get tired of doing all this crap and decide I can't wait any longer, I'll leave sooner. That's a real possibility. One day at a time is all I can do.

 

[Lost Magic]

I am deeply unhappy and fed up with life myself. btw, just store your SN in an airtight container and store it in a cool dry cupboard. It should last for many years. The expiry date, don't mean shit, so don't get all worried about that.

 

[mojabaka]

I don't. I can't sleep, I can't walk, I can't do anything. The "vaccine" has destroyed my whole nervous system and this has been going on for almost a year now. I can't deal with it anymore and I won't. Just wish the SN could arrive sooner.

 

[Trilucid]

Honestly, I can't really describe it properly.
Sometimes I go on auto pilot for hours. It's like, I do things, chores, tasks, activities, what must be done.
But they are... Being done on the subconscious level. One moment I clean something, the other I find myself staring at what is inside the fridge and a thought comes to my brain - Wait, did I do the cleaning, I actually did that? Then why did it feel I dreamt that. It's like being desensitized.
Putting up a facade is a whole other deal too.
I would say in the end, sometimes the things that do actually make a person happy can be the real danger. They can sometimes be a very bad distraction to what is to come and in a way, makes a mess of the final plan. At least my opinion on the matter.

 

[FuneralCry]

I just suffer as I feel like I have no choice. I feel trapped in this world as ctb is very difficult for me personally. I do not do much, I live an empty existence like I have already died in a way. I think that if it was easier to leave I would already be gone. I certainly do not live, but instead I just exist. There could never be anything here for me in this world, I was never meant for this life.

 

[butterfly3]

I dont tbh. I'm on study leave for final exams right now so I've just been laying in bed doing nothing, I have so little motivation to study. No point anyway because I may ctb soon. But when I still had to go to classes I barely attended. Because its the last year of school they're being very chill, so on the days I did attend, I'd come in for first period and then just flunk the rest. Literally I'd just walk out and go home and lay in bed for the rest of the day because I just don't have the energy. Somehow never faced any consequences. I think no one noticed, which gives me an idea of how people will react if I ctb.

 

[hendrix18712]

All of the above posts already covered my main reasons. I am suffering and hate life but also don't have the energy to end it just yet.