How to tell if I’m actually suicidal or just have a bunch of thoughts swirling around

[Reallyreallyreally]

I feel like I'm caught on a hook. Little fish who tried to eat a worm. I'm starting to obsess about killing myself. Certain suicide related phrases are swirling through my head on loop and I have to stay focused not to say them out loud at work. My head is going without a green light from me.

I have a way to tell whether I'm just obsessing over going through the steps or I'm actually suicidal, and that is partial suspension hanging. There's no set I have to complete, nothing to assemble, and I love tying knots. I feel like I could easily do it but not like I have to. The way I see it, if I can go through with partial suspension then yes, I'm actually suicidal and have to decide which side the coin should land on. I'd say I'm about 78% suicidal today. I with I had the meto because I would like to go to sleep and stay that way. I've been really hypoxic before after the flu compromised my lungs for a while, and it makes you really sleepy. It seems like a nice way to go.

Whenever I'm not too sure where my head is I look at the suicide scale cartoon. It's pretty illuminating. I want to show my therapist but I also want to keep something to myself.

 

[Broken Chimera]

For me suicidal is just thinking about it and then there's planning and carrying it out. Sometimes talking it out with someone will help you sort out your thoughts.

 

[Reallyreallyreally]

For me suicidal is just thinking about it and then there's planning and carrying it out. Sometimes talking it out with someone will help you sort out your thoughts.

Maybe. I'm tired of it but when I try to talk about it I panic and freeze. Mental health problems seem to be the number one family legacy. I really want to stop this. I'm going to try really hard to talk about it.