How to stop caring about how your family will take your suicide

[Throwaway563078]

This is something I'm having trouble with and I believe alot of people can relate. Basically it and the survival instinct are the things that are making me slow down and try to give life a chance. But I know I need to do this.

There are a few family members that I really care about, I think they'll take it bad. Like real bad. Other relatives I really don't care about. I also don't care that I'll bring alot of shame on my family because suicide is a huge sin in the religion of my family.

Is there anything I can do to ease these few people's pain? I was thinking a note but that may seem like I've been thinking and planning suicide for a long time (which is true) but that fact might hurt them more. If I don't leave a note it'll look more impulsive in the moment etc and they might think oh she was out of her mind etc.
I can't live for someone else, I really can't. I need to find my peace before things get worse.

Can anyone relate? How do you care less about loved ones reactions and are you doing anything to make them take it more easily?

 

[Ashpac]

For me when I wanted to do it, I asked myself whats more important? me staying alive and suffering and my family being happy or me being dead, no longer existing and my family suffering.

Its whose pain means the most to you I guess.

I was always going to leave a note because I know when people havent, it hurts the family more because they never know why their loved one did it. It would give them closure on why I did it even though it would still hurt that I was gone.

 

[TAW122]

Well my parents' already know that my future is in shambles and seem to be more detached over the last few years, plus my relationship between them are not on the best terms. With that said, I don't think many people would miss me much IRL due to the fact that they rarely speak to me or even hang out with me. As for the people that live with me, owner and roommates, well they don't really care but only want to virtue signal just to feel good about themselves (just like most people in society) about saving someone so I'm mainly just trying to do it when they least expect it. Whenever I actually attempt (and successful), I don't want others' to be sad or jump to the suicide prevention, suicide is a mental illness/sin, pro-life bullshit, but fuck if I could actually control their reactions (which I would be dead anyways so it would be irrelevant to care about them at that point).

 

[skitliv]

I can relate, although I don't have any advice to give, I'm still trying to figure it out myself

 

[Ashpac]

If its what you want and you cant take the pain youre in anymore, you have every right to end your life.

Everyone has free will.

If it was upto me Id make sure there would be no pain for anyone, imagine that, a world without pain, I couldnt even picture a life without pain thats how far fetched it seems.

What ever you choose I wish you the best.

 

[Throwaway563078]

If its what you want and you cant take the pain youre in anymore, you have every right to end your life.

Everyone has free will.

If it was upto me Id make sure there would be no pain for anyone, imagine that, a world without pain, I couldnt even picture a life without pain thats how far fetched it seems.

What ever you choose I wish you the best.

Thanks alot. I wish you the same.

Of course I wish no one could be in pain but sometimes it's really unbearable for me, sometimes I can manage. But generally beyond tired.

 

[RainAndSadness]

It's probably impossible to shred away the guilt completely but for me it makes sense that I can't stay alive for someone else. Not for my girlfriend, not for my parents. I also know that I never asked to be a part of this live and that's a very important reason for me to ctb. I never signed up for any of this hell. I was born into this life in a fucked up body, which literally represents a flesh prison for me and there is nothing I can do to escape this. These are my arguments that help me to ease some of the guilt. Regarding the religion of your parents, that's a very difficult topic and it probably won't be possible to convince them in any way that your exit is your business only and also your personal right. Religions are based on dogma and it's very hard to reason with them. But you can try to explain your suffer in a goodbye note. I think that would help them to understand what you were going through and why you left them. I can't make any statements about your personal situation though because I don't know them. But trying to make them understand about the struggles you are/were going through is probably the best approach to your situation. Let them see what was going inside of you and what drove you to your exit. It might help and it will show that you thought about your parents too. That you did in fact care about them and not leave in 'selfishness' (some people do believe that). That's all I can say.

 

[Denise]

This is something I'm having trouble with and I believe alot of people can relate. Basically it and the survival instinct are the things that are making me slow down and try to give life a chance. But I know I need to do this.

There are a few family members that I really care about, I think they'll take it bad. Like real bad. Other relatives I really don't care about. I also don't care that I'll bring alot of shame on my family because suicide is a huge sin in the religion of my family.

Is there anything I can do to ease these few people's pain? I was thinking a note but that may seem like I've been thinking and planning suicide for a long time (which is true) but that fact might hurt them more. If I don't leave a note it'll look more impulsive in the moment etc and they might think oh she was out of her mind etc.
I can't live for someone else, I really can't. I need to find my peace before things get worse.

Can anyone relate? How do you care less about loved ones reactions and are you doing anything to make them take it more easily?

I can totally relate and am currently in the same position as you. So I completely understand and am struggling with the same feelings. So unfortunately I don't have any advice since I'm wondering what to do as well.

 

[worldexploder]

As far as our parents goes, they are the ones that imposed life on us with the foreknowledge of the pain and suffering that comes with existance. As for other family members, yes they will mourn but loss comes with life. Whoever goes first, you or them, someone is going to be mourning a death.

Maybe you can write them a long goodbye note explaining how you feel and that it's your will to go.

 

[skitliv]

loss comes with life. Whoever goes first, you or them, someone is going to be mourning a death.

This is what I tell myself; no matter what, someone has to go first

 

[worldexploder]

This is what I tell myself; no matter what, someone has to go first

Exactly. We all know this yet people just keep reproducing. Rolling the dice.

 

[Denise]

As far as our parents goes, they are the ones that imposed life on us with the foreknowledge of the pain and suffering that comes with existance. As for other family members, yes they will mourn but loss comes with life. Whoever goes first, you or them, someone is going to be mourning a death.

Maybe you can write them a long goodbye note explaining how you feel and that it's your will to leave.

In defense of parents, when people decide to have a child they have no idea what that child's future will hold. So I think their feelings should be taken into account unless they were abusive or neglective.

 

[worldexploder]

In defense of parents, when people decide to have a child they have no idea what that child's future will hold. So I think their feelings should be taken into account unless they were abusive or neglective.

That's a good point.

 

[Denise]

That's a good point.

Thank you.

 

[Throwaway563078]

In defense of parents, when people decide to have a child they have no idea what that child's future will hold. So I think their feelings should be taken into account unless they were abusive or neglective.

Yeah but suffering is inevitable. In one way or another there will be suffering

 

[Throwaway563078]

As far as our parents goes, they are the ones that imposed life on us with the foreknowledge of the pain and suffering that comes with existance. As for other family members, yes they will mourn but loss comes with life. Whoever goes first, you or them, someone is going to be mourning a death.

Maybe you can write them a long goodbye note explaining how you feel and that it's your will to go.

Yes I think I'll write a long note
Hopefully it'll bring some comfort or closure

 

[AndyCurious]

This is something I'm having trouble with and I believe alot of people can relate. Basically it and the survival instinct are the things that are making me slow down and try to give life a chance. But I know I need to do this.

There are a few family members that I really care about, I think they'll take it bad. Like real bad. Other relatives I really don't care about. I also don't care that I'll bring alot of shame on my family because suicide is a huge sin in the religion of my family.

Is there anything I can do to ease these few people's pain? I was thinking a note but that may seem like I've been thinking and planning suicide for a long time (which is true) but that fact might hurt them more. If I don't leave a note it'll look more impulsive in the moment etc and they might think oh she was out of her mind etc.
I can't live for someone else, I really can't. I need to find my peace before things get worse.

Can anyone relate? How do you care less about loved ones reactions and are you doing anything to make them take it more easily?

My family doesn't care about me, so that's easy...

 

[Denise]

Yeah but suffering is inevitable. In one way or another there will be suffering

But the world can't stop reproducing because of suffering. And there are varying degrees of suffering. No one can predict the degree of suffering a person will have in their life. My older brother and I were raised by the same parents yet I have a worse life then him with a lot more suffering. My parents couldn't have predicted which of us would've suffered more.

 

[Denise]

Yes I think I'll write a long note
Hopefully it'll bring some comfort or closure

Good idea. Just explain how you feel and that nothing or no one would've been able to change your mind. And that you're sorry for any pain you might cause them.

 

[Throwaway563078]

My family doesn't care about me, so that's easy...

I'm sorry. :(

Half my family doesn't lol, it's just two people I care about and that care about me

 

[AndyCurious]

I'm sorry. :(

Half my family doesn't lol, it's just two people I care about and that care about me

Thank you.. I'm sorry too, but two is better than none :)

 

[bigj75]

In my opinion eliminating your own suffering is the most important thing on earth. So regardless if it hurts my parents or not it needs to be done.

 

[worldexploder]

But the world can't stop reproducing because of suffering. And there are varying degrees of suffering. No one can predict the degree of suffering a person will have in their life. My older brother and I were raised by the same parents yet I have a worse life then him with a lot more suffering. My parents couldn't have predicted which of us would've suffered more.

I guess you and I just have a difference of philosophy. I definatly respect your opinion.

I'm what you call an antinatalist - meaning I believe that procreation is morally wrong. It's apart of my broader ideology of Efilism (inspired by Negative Utilitarianism).

 

[janedoep]

I know I can't really prevent my family from feeling grief, which is very difficult. But the two things I am planning to do to at least help slightly are leave a letter, and make sure I don't kill myself where they have to find me and/or clean it up. Also, less important, but I will try to purge all of my belongings so they are not stuck with that task since I will leave behind a house.

 

[Stryxmain]

If you want the opinion of someone who has lost a parent and friends, the hardest thing to overcome is the guilt and regret. People close to you will feel responsible for your death or wish they had done something. Try your best to explain to them that they are not responsible and that they couldn't have done anything to prevent it.

Try to pack and/or sell most of your stuff if possible. It's really a pain to go through someone else's belongings. If you have a credit card, leave them your card and password. They could use it to pay for the cremation and funeral costs. Death is a business and it isn't cheap. People often forget that. Cremation is at least $2200 where I live and it could be a big burden if your family is poor.

 

[itsallover]

If your life has become completely unbearable then you have to do is right for you. No one can get inside your head and body. I'm sure that you're completely exhausted and tired of life to have ended up here so I feel for you. It sucks to be guilted with you're gonna go to hell when you feel like you're already there.

 

[dysfunctional]

The only thing I could come up with is to rationalize that if I keep going the way I am, it will cause them alot of pain too. Ultimately it is your life and your decision- but obviously there's more to it then that. I told my mom I don't want to live anymore and she said "well then kill yourself". Not what I was expecting! I still know it would be terrible for her, but that was somewhat liberating. Survival instinct, laziness, and the memory of how great my life used to be are what keeps me from doing it now.

 

[Ghab]

Everyone dies. That's life. We get upset and grieve people dying because they didn't die when we wanted them too.

 

[Fallen bad23]

Just to not feel bad about taking your own life, try to seek help first. If it works then it would great and if doesn't you can just go ahead with your plan knowing that you tried already.

 

[Prime]

I relate word to word.
Survival instinct and the faces of mother, father, the girl I love, and grandpa when they will find me cold makes me want to give this stupid existence some more years. I too can't live just for the sake of someone else. I am sorry for you and for myself but there is no solution to this problem.
The only solution I have found so far is this thought that if I die, they will have to face extreme pain but it will be for a short period of time. They will grow normal after a year or two. But if I live, I will be a burden on them for their entire lives. A pain, a burden that is for ever is worse than a sudden blow. But no matter how you think about it, those faces will always try to stop you from crossing this bridge.