How to not say sorry for everything.

[Gaga786]

Anyone else who says sorry for absolutely anything? I keep saying it during conversations with others. Is there a particular reason for this ? What can I do to alleviate it ?

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes- I have this too. Irony is- in my last therapy session at uni, they had picked up on it and were about to address it- but I quit!

I think she was going to say- make the effort to use the word less basically.

I don't actually know the reasoning behind it but I imagine it comes from insecurity. Almost like you feel bad for inconveniencing someone with your presence- maybe even feel bad for existing at all. That's my take.

I'm 'sorry' you have this too. I think it can be a form of politeness but I think it can also signal to people who are dominant (and exploitative) that they can probably walk all over you. I hope that hasn't happened to you.

I'm not sure you can change how you feel but I would suggest maybe to think about why you're saying it? Is this something you need to feel sorry for? If not, try to use the word less maybe and hope your feelings follow. Good luck!

 

[hamvil]

I never say sorry tbh... well maybe I do in a sarcastic tone but that does not really count, i never really feel sorry for what I do and in general I do not even get if what I did was good or bad... this is part of the reason it is so unbearable to live my life.

 

[Gaga786]

Yes- I have this too. Irony is- in my last therapy session at uni, they had picked up on it and were about to address it- but I quit!

I think she was going to say- make the effort to use the word less basically.

I don't actually know the reasoning behind it but I imagine it comes from insecurity. Almost like you feel bad for inconveniencing someone with your presence- maybe even feel bad for existing at all. That's my take.

I'm 'sorry' you have this too. I think it can be a form of politeness but I think it can also signal to people who are dominant (and exploitative) that they can probably walk all over you. I hope that hasn't happened to you.

I'm not sure you can change how you feel but I would suggest maybe to think about why you're saying it? Is this something you need to feel sorry for? If not, try to use the word less maybe and hope your feelings follow. Good luck!

I agree with that. It might be that. Thank you though

I never say sorry tbh... well maybe I do in a sarcastic tone but that does not really count, i never really feel sorry for what I do and in general I do not even get if what I did was good or bad... this is part of the reason it is so unbearable to live my life.

I understand that. Thank you for sharing that.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I have the same problem. I don't know how to stop it.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

This was common when I lived in the UK. It was considered normal and polite, self-deprecating and humble. You'd come off kind of charming by extension. Since living in the States it's a different story. I think it's perceived as odd and insecure, as others have said.

I kind of admire the confidence people have in themselves here on the whole, but I also think it can be a little over the top. It's often to the point of narcissism and bad manners towards others, which I'm not okay with.

I'm not sure where you live but it might just be part of a cultural deconditioning you'll have to undertake for yourself. It certainly doesn't gel with this bravado culture we have now.

 

[leaf23]

I'm quite liberal in my use of 'sorry' too. In my case it's due to low self-esteem plus I have a naturally self-effacing personality.

I don't know too much about it but don't some people use rubber bands to stop a habit? What they do, I think, is wear a rubber band and snap it against their wrist whenever they do their habit. The brain then associates pain with the habit and then unconsciously avoids doing the habit. If you're interested try googling aversion therapy+rubber bands

 

[MidnightCat]

I do use "sorry" pretty heavily.

In my case it's because the thought of: I'm inconviniencing people with my presence, they would rather be far from me...

And I cannot really change it

 

[LookingOverTheEdge]

I'm English. Most sentences here contain the word 'sorry' somewhere. It's practically the law.

 

[Rainy_days]

Someone told me once that I said sorry too much and that instead I should say thank you. Doesn't apply in all situations obviously, but I do think it's healthier to say "thank you for being patient with me" rather than "sorry I am such a terrible inconvenience". It's a subtle difference but I think he was right.

 

[randy]

sorry

Someone told me once that I said sorry too much and that instead I should say thank you. Doesn't apply in all situations obviously, but I do think it's healthier to say "thank you for being patient with me" rather than "sorry I am such a terrible inconvenience". It's a subtle difference but I think he was right.

I like that framing, it is much more positive

 

[Huntfish34]

Yepp, I get it. I use sorry wayy too much, more than I'd care to admit. I believe it stems from my low self esteem, lack of confidence.... self hatred in general. It sucks, but it's basically a part of my personality so I don't know any different. Kinda 2nd nature I suppose. -