Help How to manage therapist if I CTB?

[brokensea]

The thing that's unconscionable is that he's telling you you're too sick for him to keep seeing you, and yet he's not at the very least giving you referrals to clinicians who would be more appropriate. He's just all "toodle-doo!"

Honestly, if he's as worried about you as he claims to be, he should be trying to get you admitted to a psyche unit. That is what "best practice" would typically look like in this situation, at least in the U.S. In order of preference, a therapist worried that a patient is going to kill themselves would attempt to: 1) convince them to seek inpatient treatment voluntarily, 2) call the patient's emergency contact and work with that person on getting him/her admitted, 3) contact the local authorities about doing a "wellness check," a procedure that frequently, although not always, ends up with the patient getting dragged to the hospital against their will.

Commitment in any form tends to be a pretty horrible experience, so I wouldn't normally fault a therapist for not starting down that road. However, it is utter shit to toss around jargon like "best practices" and then not bother to follow any actual best practices. At that point using such phrases is just a gaslighting technique that attempts to take advantage of a layman's unfamiliarity with professional terminology. This is especially so when at least one "best practices" option, namely getting you referrals to other therapists, requires pretty minimal effort on the therapist's part, and is unlikely to traumatize the patient.

(For the record, I once taught in classrooms where there were a number of kids who got special services due to emotional and behavioral difficulties. I was a mandatory reporter in that context, so I was neither quite a layman or a psyche professional. This was in the U.S., by the way. I'm sure things work differently elsewhere in the world.)

Also, just FYI, it's still possible for your now-ex-therapist to set the wheels of involuntary commitment in motion, assuming he could convince a judge that you're in imminent danger of hurting yourself or others. So do be cautious about what you say to him, assuming you have any further contact.

He did yesterday send me some email with resources. One to a 30 day clinic - I will lose my job and can't miss work that long. And did send me an email to a in person therapist - I can't go because I have many days in a row I am too tired and depressed to drive.

I wish he would acknowledge he lied about being able to support a suicidal person and would be here for me and actually admit he got in over his head and can't actually handle it and has to dump me and try to send me somewhere else after daily support and being super intensive about contacting me. And using the fact that we see each other online as an excuse that I need to see someone in person. So it's not any failing on his part. He could have gotten me into some online support groups or tried other things before this extreme measure.

I told him I was 80 percent sure I wanted to commit suicide and I don't really think or see any reason to live and was more processing everything and grieving what it means to make the decision to die, so if I do so I don't have any regrets. I told him I wouldn't try another method that was painful or be impulsive that I wanted this to be made with a full and complete decision and I was safe as long as I didn't buy the things I needed and I have not even done that yet. So I was not in imminent danger. And I'm not giving myself a due date on when I've gone through the process and feel ok I can do this with knowing all of the pain I'll cause and that I don't know what will happen when I die and that there is truly nothing here I will ever want to live for even if I achieved things I wanted. It's a process that takes some time and something I really want to think about.

 

[wait.what]

Fair enough calling him on the utter nonsense he's trying to pass off as "ethics." That's some "peeing on your leg and telling you it's raining" garbage. Please do be cautious about what you tell him at this point, however. If you appear to be backing him into a corner and demanding to know why he hasn't committed you yet, he is likely to commit you. If you need psyche hospitalization then fair enough, but in that case I would advise going in voluntarily. Nothing good ever comes of being dragged to the hospital in the back of the paddy wagon, in handcuffs and drooling from the thorazine. It's not even the kind of thing that would hurt him as much as it will you. It will just hurt you.

I totally get that there are some types of pain and anger you can't just quietly sit and twiddle your thumbs over. Sometimes suffering demands action. I don't know what kinds of action would relieve some of that anguish for you, but I hope you can find something that doesn't involve heaping more hot coals onto your own head.

 

[themanwithoutaplan]

I feel I'm getting closer to my decision to CTB. Unfortunately I am seeing a therapist I meet with twice a week and he wants me to text him every day. Ideally I'd like to stop therapy before I CTB to spare him the ordeal of knowing I'm gone or feeling guilty or dealing with that.

I worry if I ask to stop therapy he will be suspicious. If I stop messaging him or he messages me and I don't respond I worry he'd call someone out to check on me. He's also texted me late/early.

I am planning the SN method. I'm worried about it going wrong because of my therapist.

Is there anything I can do or a plan to stop therapy where I can make an exit without worrying about intervention?

Could you pretend that you have gotten a different therapist and stop seeing this one?

 

[brokensea]

Fair enough calling him on the utter nonsense he's trying to pass off as "ethics." That's some "peeing on your leg and telling you it's raining" garbage. Please do be cautious about what you tell him at this point, however. If you appear to be backing him into a corner and demanding to know why he hasn't committed you yet, he is likely to commit you. If you need psyche hospitalization then fair enough, but in that case I would advise going in voluntarily. Nothing good ever comes of being dragged to the hospital in the back of the paddy wagon, in handcuffs and drooling from the thorazine. It's not even the kind of thing that would hurt him as much as it will you. It will just hurt you.

I totally get that there are some types of pain and anger you can't just quietly sit and twiddle your thumbs over. Sometimes suffering demands action. I don't know what kinds of action would relieve some of that anguish for you, but I hope you can find something that doesn't involve heaping more hot coals onto your own head.

Yeah I feel much less likely to seek help. I knew this retired psychology teacher and I told him what happened. He said in person therapy can be advisable - but it's not practical for everyone and my therapist could have handled this a lot better.

It's like my therapist was providing intensive, almost being overly supportive, help. I was separating from this abusive 4 year relationship that I felt I couldn't live without this person and they destroyed so much of my life and then to have this therapist do this after saying he's going to be here with me through this experience, I could lean on him for support and trust him - it was like I was lied to all over again and hurt again and I feel even worse. I literally told him from day 1 I am suicidal and what was going on and he supports me and says a bunch of lies he doesn't mean and I did nothing to him and cuts off therapy in a parental controlling way of knowing what's best for me.

He didn't even make sure I had any help sent me links to in person things I can't make it to and I said in reality you're leaving me with no support.

I wrote him a last message 2 days ago and he said, I do have compassion for you and I'm sorry you're hurting but I think the plan I've laid out is best for you. I wish you the best on your journey.

What journey you POS? You emotionally damaged a suicidal patient and left them with essentially no support. Didn't work together to find something that would work for them or care about my input or feelings at all.

I was crying the entire day yesterday all day long. I felt so retraumatized and lied to again after I reached out for help the first time. It's like the universe is saying go kill your self

I'm not reaching out to him again he's a POS and clearly from his actions doesn't even care if I die.

Could you pretend that you have gotten a different therapist and stop seeing this one?

It's hard I did call a few people to get therapy somewhere else and 3 people already in person or virtual won't see a suicidal patient because they want to just see patients with light fluffy problems that make collecting their checks easy. No one wants to help me.

 

[wljourney]

I'm really sorry. The therapist sounds like he got scared, then assessed the risk he faces if he loses a patient to CTB and is now hitting the breaks. Either because he himself can't handle it or his employer/office advised him that it's too much of a risk.

He definitely overwhelmed you with the constant texting and it's really unprofessional to do this. Especially after hours.

The crux with mental health care being delivered by private practitioners is that they will only work with "easy" cases. I experienced the same with my employer's MH program. They are not set up for intensive therapy nor do they want to provide it.

If you want to continue therapy, try to access a hospital based therapist. They will be able to help even when things get rough.

But I also have to tell you: it's a long long road and there may not be much anyone can do.

Hugs.

 

[eve2004]

He had texted me late even around 11pm at night or early morning. He said I can text him as much as I want and can text him every day and then he has sent messages checking in on me if I don't message.

This sounds like he doesn't have the skills as a professional to deal with this otherwise. I have had periods where I was chronically suicidal (24/7) and mine did not have me do that. We've got a good enough relationship that he can tell if something is very wrong (but this takes skill and experience) and he's said that his hope is that I would contact him before I take serious action to CTB.

Monitoring someone informally via text, compulsively, is dangerous. What if he forgets? What if you forget? What if you get food poisoning or the flu and sleep through the check-in time? What if HE gets sick, will you feel like he doesn't care? This sounds like a very dangerous way to treat this situation, and sounds mostly self-serving (unintentionally so).

If a therapist thinks someone needs a daily check-in, they should do just that... Make it an official appointment just as any other weekly or twice or three times weekly appointments.

That being said, it takes balls of steel and enormous amounts of experience to successfully work with a chronically suicidal person. I'm just a client/patient, so I don't have first-hand experience as a professional but I've had countless sessions where I completely lost it emotionally and my therapist brought me back to a calmer state, even if it meant extending the session 5-10 minutes, or booking a subsequent one sooner than planned. If ever he thought I was not "going to make it to the next session", he'd ask if we could meet before. Caring and empathy without panic goes a long way...

It's hard I did call a few people to get therapy somewhere else and 3 people already in person or virtual won't see a suicidal patient because they want to just see patients with light fluffy problems that make collecting their checks easy. No one wants to help me.

"Garden variety" patients. I feel like those people are only doing it for money. They'll string you along until they think "it could end badly" and then they dump you. First hand experience.

 

[brokensea]

I'm really sorry. The therapist sounds like he got scared, then assessed the risk he faces if he loses a patient to CTB and is now hitting the breaks. Either because he himself can't handle it or his employer/office advised him that it's too much of a risk.

He definitely overwhelmed you with the constant texting and it's really unprofessional to do this. Especially after hours.

The crux's with mental health care being delivered by private practitioners is that they will only work with "easy" cases. I experienced the same with my employer's MH program. They are not set up for intensive therapy nor do they want to provide it.

If you want to continue therapy, try to access a hospital based therapist. They will be able to help even when things get rough.

But I also have to tell you: it's a long long road and there may not be much anyone can do.

Hugs.

Yeah and I didn't know that it was in any way enough I'd want to live but feeling like in some small way you had support. That someone cared and knew what you were truly feeling. That told you that they'd literally help carry your pain with you so you didn't have to feel all those things alone, sometimes you feel a small pea size feeling of not being alone in all this darkness. Then someone rips that away and you are alone. And you're too messed up for them to treat and no matter the story of good intentions to get you a higher level of care - They ultimately lied to you about them being the one to support you. The pain and devastation you feel it's hard to even comprehend how complicated and in how many ways it hurts. My depression is at an all time low. I have slept most of the day today and just want to go back to sleep again.

 

[Rosslynn24]

Some phones can hold a text message till a certain time and will send it for you