How to make cbt easier for family

[Tysiiaczeq]

I have cut off contact with basically everyone. I dont even have anyone to talk to anymore. Ive fallen out with the few friends that were left. I left my relationship and cut contact with ex, who I lived with. He wanted to stay in touch (unsurprising, its been years) but how? How can I keep acting like this is just a phase, stringing him along, when its all been a plan to distance myself and eventually cbt. Everyone involved needs to be able to move on before I'm actually gone.
Whether this was me sabotaging myself without realising or on purpose, doesn't matter. I just want to be forgotten and I knew I couldn't do that while being friendly and sweet with everyone. That would cause more heartache.

Not a single person I can message, cause theres just no one left (not including an online friend). Except how can i make this easier on my family? Despite the ups and downs, my mum loves me dearly. She will be heartbroken, she would be a shell of a person if the family dog died, much worse if it was one of her kids. She cries just from looking st those bait fb posts of accidents or starving kids, and she will donate every single time, even if it means not buying herself something. Im scared she will literally lose her mind. She has done literally everything for us, worked overtime half my life just so we dont feel that somethings off. She focused on us and us ONLY for about 7 years after my father went to prison for killing someone. She didnt even go out for dinner with someone in those 7 years. All she ever cared about was us even if she was bleeding through her damn cuticles. She got cancer and still worked overtime, moved across the country with 5 kids and started fresh. Im assuming communist poland made her a survivor *joke, kinda* . How is this woman so strong and Im so weak? How can I die without taking a piece of this woman with me? I cant forgive myself for hurting her so bad and Im still alive

 

[Sparr0w]

you have to make peace with the fact that your death will hurt people.
writing in your suicide note that it's not their fault might bring them some comfort. apart from that, there's not much you can do. cutting off contact might help, but it might just extend the period of time they feel like shit before your death. maybe if you become a real piece of shit they'll hate you, but if they realise it was all an act after you die?

...yeah, you either gotta make peace with hurting them, or outlive em.

 

[FuneralCry]

The fact is that grief and loss are simply inevitable in life and it's just the way that things are. Death will inevitably hurt people but we all have to die and lose everything someday. But anyway whatever happens in this world after we die could simply never be our concern as we won't be there at that point.

 

[Tysiiaczeq]

you have to make peace with the fact that your death will hurt people.
writing in your suicide note that it's not their fault might bring them some comfort. apart from that, there's not much you can do. cutting off contact might help, but it might just extend the period of time they feel like shit before your death. maybe if you become a real piece of shit they'll hate you, but if they realise it was all an act after you die?

...yeah, you either gotta make peace with hurting them, or outlive em.

The fact is that grief and loss are simply inevitable in life and it's just the way that things are. Death will inevitably hurt people but we all have to die and lose everything someday. But anyway whatever happens in this world after we die could simply never be our concern as we won't be there at that point.

I will admit Ive been an asshole for a while now due to not controlling myself like I should. I cut off contact months/weeks ago with some, and fell out pretty bad with others.
I think you are right. I don't think there's a way to spare others, this was probably the only thing keeping me alive for this long. I didnt want to cause pain for others, they deserve better. I wish I could do better for them. But I've decided it's not worth living for other people. I'm suffering just so they're ok. It breaks my heart having to do this to the few people that care. But I'm starting to think it's unavoidable. The worst part about suicide for me is that its so easy for me, but so hard on others. I cant stand thinking someone innocent will be in pain for years to come, because of my choice. But I also don't want to outlive them, as hypocritical as this will sound, I couldnt bare to watch my closest family die either. Id rather go first. Thank you for your replies xx

 

[RichardFirst]

Write them a note telling them that they are loved. Explain your reasons for catching the bus, and urge them not to worry. You will be at peace.

 

[CellarBoy]

I think it's best to distance yourself as far as possible, it's what I'm doing right now. It might still hurt them, but it wouldn't hurt them as much.