How to know if CTB is the best option for you?

[Largeletters]

Hey everyone. Here's something I've been thinking about lately. How do you know that CTB is the best option for you? When did you realize you weren't cut out for anything else? Kind of a broad question, but I'll put it out there.

Thanks in advance and much love to all of you.

 

[PeacePlease]

I have dealt with depression for 20 years or more at first I pushed the thoughts away because I thought they were a sin. But I couldn't take it anymore at some point and made peace with the fact that I really wanted to go. I tried geting psychological help but it was a mess and I really don't know what else to do. It's hard for me to connect with people and it frightens me to be old and alone and everyday hurts and I cant figure out how to fix it, so that's it for me. I really feel it is like the best I can do for myself and releave the pain

 

[Snake of Eden]

I have dealt with depression for 20 years or more at first I pushed the thoughts away because I thought they were a sin. But I couldn't take it anymore at some point and made peace with the fact that I really wanted to go. I tried geting psychological help but it was a mess and I really don't know what else to do. It's hard for me to connect with people and it frightens me to be old and alone and everyday hurts and I cant figure out how to fix it, so that's it for me. I really feel it is like the best I can do for myself and releave the pain

I feel the exact same way. I dont even really desire death so much for itself but it feels as though it is the only good thing that can happen to me

 

[PeacePlease]

I feel the exact same way. I dont even really desire death so much for itself but it feels as though it is the only good thing that can happen to me

Exactly, there was even this time when I thought I wanted to try and fix myself because maybe life can be enjoyable, but life showed me again the pain is really hard to get rid of

 

[FuneralCry]

For me ctb is needed to prevent decades of pointless suffering. We will all die eventually, it is inevitable. I have never wanted to be alive and I have always struggled with living. Things have got worse over the years and the future will be the same, and I have dread towards it. I get no enjoyment from life, I simply do not like living, and I want peace. I have health problems now and this will get worse as I get older.

 

[divorceddepression]

Hey everyone. Here's something I've been thinking about lately. How do you know that CTB is the best option for you? When did you realize you weren't cut out for anything else? Kind of a broad question, but I'll put it out there.

Thanks in advance and much love to all of you.

I feel this could be said about everything. How do I know this job/relationship/big decision is the right thing to do.

The relationship gamble is why I want to ctb

 

[Largeletters]

I have dealt with depression for 20 years or more at first I pushed the thoughts away because I thought they were a sin. But I couldn't take it anymore at some point and made peace with the fact that I really wanted to go. I tried geting psychological help but it was a mess and I really don't know what else to do. It's hard for me to connect with people and it frightens me to be old and alone and everyday hurts and I cant figure out how to fix it, so that's it for me. I really feel it is like the best I can do for myself and releave the pain

I understand, I'm sorry

 

[CatTheBus5689]

I just at some point realized I got the gist of life. Life is utterly predictable in my eyes and just unfazed at whatever happens.

I just don't feel joy anymore, I can't connect to others anymore. Everything feels pointless, I'm just living out of a force of habit. There's nothing in the past two years of my life I would have regret missing out on and like everything else in my life I'm procrastinating on even ctb.

 

[Largeletters]

I just at some point realized I got the gist of life. Life is utterly predictable in my eyes and just unfazed at whatever happens.

I just don't feel joy anymore, I can't connect to others anymore. Everything feels pointless, I'm just living out of a force of habit. There's nothing in the past two years of my life I would have regret missing out on and like everything else in my life I'm procrastinating on even ctb.

I can relate to this, I'm really sorry. I imagine it must be painful for you

 

[EraseRewind]

I just at some point realized I got the gist of life. Life is utterly predictable in my eyes and just unfazed at whatever happens.

I just don't feel joy anymore, I can't connect to others anymore. Everything feels pointless, I'm just living out of a force of habit. There's nothing in the past two years of my life I would have regret missing out on and like everything else in my life I'm procrastinating on even ctb.

Relate to this completely, feel disconnected from reality and although I'm grateful for all of my blessings, I just don't have that happiness, never had it from early years.

I'm on my plan now and putting things in place, given myself a year to move finance do my last jobs and do a bit more study, then if it fails I have my method sealed and ready.

 

[hybridtheory]

when you wake up in the morning and instead of being grateful, you feel disappointed
when you go to a store, or go out with people, when you go for a drive, and you just feel completely empty
when you're in a crowd and your palms start sweating, your heart is beating faster, you get social anxiety, and you feel like the only person in the room
when you go to eat, and it just tastes bland, everything you used to eat out of love and enjoyment is just..... repulsive
when you listen to music, and instead of singing/humming along, you stare blankly into space and only focus on the words
when you read or watch something funny, and instead of laughing .. you just can't find any humor inside you because it's all been sucked out
when you go to get dressed, and realize that you just don't care what you look like anymore
when you're alone, and you feel like screaming or crying or breaking things or slamming your head into the wall because you just feel so fucking alone and tired of endlessly dealing with the same shit routine
when you go to reach out to someone, and realize that " oh, i have no one left because i pushed them all away "
when you look at yourself, and can't find anything that you like anymore, and you start to cry because you used to like yourself but the depression has changed your whole outlook on life and everything that you used to love

that's when you know that ctb is your only option to actually put an end to the suffering and misery because living is just too damn exhausting ....

mentally and physically draining

 

[demuic]

when you wake up in the morning and instead of being grateful, you feel disappointed
when you go to a store, or go out with people, when you go for a drive, and you just feel completely empty
when you're in a crowd and your palms start sweating, your heart is beating faster, you get social anxiety, and you feel like the only person in the room
when you go to eat, and it just tastes bland, everything you used to eat out of love and enjoyment is just..... repulsive
when you listen to music, and instead of singing/humming along, you stare blankly into space and only focus on the words
when you read or watch something funny, and instead of laughing .. you just can't find any humor inside you because it's all been sucked out
when you go to get dressed, and realize that you just don't care what you look like anymore
when you're alone, and you feel like screaming or crying or breaking things or slamming your head into the wall because you just feel so fucking alone and tired of endlessly dealing with the same shit routine
when you go to reach out to someone, and realize that " oh, i have no one left because i pushed them all away "
when you look at yourself, and can't find anything that you like anymore, and you start to cry because you used to like yourself but the depression has changed your whole outlook on life and everything that you used to love

that's when you know that ctb is your only option to actually put an end to the suffering and misery because living is just too damn exhausting ....

mentally and physically draining

I completely relate.

That's how I know it's time for me to go.

There's nothing left on this earth for me.

 

[Versailles]

I completely reject the life that I had to live, it is a feeling that I have had for decades and nothing guarantees that I will stop feeling that way in the future, that is why I know that CTB is the right option for me.

 

[filthyrottendirty]

There's no cure or treatment for my illness. It makes a normal life impossible.

 

[The Lonely]

Well… I actually already make my "Pros and Cons" list… lol

Pros is winning about 25 vs 1.

 

[TheLoneWolf]

I guess everyone has their own reasons.

For me personally I think I knew I would ctb when I realized that nonexistence (or reincarnation) would be better than the pain and suffering of living with chronic illnesses for decades.

I only have a few short moments of happiness every year. I can still enjoy nature and I think life can be beautiful. But It makes me sad that humans are destroying this planet and all the species that are going extinct because of humans.

I think it was Einstein who said: "Look deep into nature and then you will understand things better".

 

[noname223]

After my second psychosis I realized that bipolar disorder has repeating periods of mania/ depressions. I looked up how many depressions you have statistically. I knew at that point that this is my death sentence.
After I tried a little bit partial etc. I wanted to give life another shot. Almost everything failed. I am glad I have tried it. However there are barely remaining options for me. After 2 therapists gave me up (they think I gonna ctb in the future) suicide becomes more and more real. I have desperate attempts to avoid it.
I have my red lines and when they will be crossed I know I've tried everything and suicide is the right option.

 

[hʚll]

i believe that to be alive is to hurt others and yourself. like no matter what your intentions are, you can't avoid it. i'm extremely aware of the damage i am doing by just breathing. the options are two: accepting how things are or reject everything.
i reject this life. i don't want to be part of this sick game. i want a choice to say NO