Venting how to gather all the courage?

[TheHatedOne]

i'm pretty sure that i'm going to do it in the following week or two weeks, i mean i have to do it, but i keep getting shitty thoughts. even if i wasn't in poverty, why would I want to stay in order to experience further alienation, disappointments and heartbreak because no one will ever love me and accept me? why would i want to continue to stay? to keep being beyond lonely and in constant pain? aside of that, i don't find anything else that could be worth it. nothing is enjoyable. i already forgot about the trip i had recently, i dont even remember when it happened. why would i want to stay in a world where i'm not even worthy of last wishes?

I have failed at everything. I'm like a soldier who knows what kind of fate awaits him and seeks to get out of it. I keep thinking about all the bad stuff and how I can't go through this unbearable suffering, not even one more second. I try keep thinking of the bad, but because of my shitty instinct or something I'm suspicious of ctb, of the process of death, and what's after. Yes, I keep telling myself ''death is a fancy term; it's just sleep without waking up'' and all the likes, but I still get these intrusive thoughts.

What if there's something worse out there? There must be something in the middle. We can't break away that easily. I find it too good to be true. Such thoughts and much more.

There are many aspects that creep me out. I hope that I won't be fucking stupid and chicken out in the last moment. I got to do it no matter what the fuck is on the other side.

With that being said, how do I gather all the courage to do it without even blinking?

 

[FuneralCry]

The survival instinct can be determined to keep us suffering, it can be very difficult to ctb. I believe that in my case, eventually I will get desperate enough, when the pain of living becomes unbearable. I do not have a good answer, because if I knew I would already be gone. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

 

[PDAnnie2610]

It's a tricky situation.. and sadly there's no one single answer. One thing I'm very sure of is that a failed attempt resulting in being labelled with a psych condition is not likely to help make living easier, unless it gets you relief from your pain.

Think it through if ctb is what you want, or if there's something else that you really want.

*hugs*

 

[LittleBlackCat]

I wish I knew.

 

[TheHatedOne]

I think I found a possible way, doing something that I don't like to do: lie to myself.

 

[Noctis]

I don't know where you live or what's available to you, but drugs. Even just smoking a bowl from someplace where it's legal will calm you down.

Maybe not enough to ignore SI, but maybe it will. Everyone responds differently.

 

[myopybyproxy]

Ironically enough, the only ones who truly know the foolproof answer to this will be unable to provide it. Everything said on this thread - assuming no one has created an account postmortem - is speculation. I daresay do the opposite of any advice given by the living and perhaps you'll stumble upon something lucky. We are doing it wrong since we are still on this earth; listening to us is a deathwish (my wordplay humours me, and I hope it humours you as well). Your question encapsulates the ultimate catch-22.