Venting How to develop a personality after years of being an empty shell

[chapitaupe]

I'm tired of having no passion, no personality. I don't know what caused this, if it's because i've spent most of my life depressed and too focused on trying to survive, or is it because I've always tried to copy people around me so they would appreciate me more (which failed eventually) which caused me to not know what I really enjoy in life, or is it because I've always been an uncurious person, a passive child, who's always been scared of trying new things because of social anxiety, or is it because my parents never supported or pushed me to try activities when I was a child? I really don't know but for the past few weeks I've become more self aware of how shallow I am.
Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy some stuff, like reading, watching movies and TV shows, music, video games, nature... Mostly internet-related stuff tbh. But when someone asks me what are my hobbies, I'm usually ashamed of responding one of those. They make me look like a lazy "couch potato". No offense, I reckon that's literally what I am. But I'm ashamed of that.
Even when I want to take a simple walk in the forest, anxiety takes over so I stay at home and feel guilty. When I want to try something new, I feel bad if I'm not immediatly good at it. And I keep having this strange feeling, when I wanna try something new, when I want to start doing more exercise for example, I just feel like an impostor, that I'm not allowed to do it. I keep getting negative feelings towards it. I really don't know how to explain it or what causes me to feel that way. Or I think I know, it's because I'm ashamed of my own existence and I always felt like those type of stuff are for other people, not me. That I'm forbidden to live like them, since I'm such a strange non-human.

Anyways, it is getting really tiring because it makes me isolate myself even more. I don't know how to overcome this deep feeling of shame. I really wish I had more courage.

 

[hurts2b]

Irrelevant to the post but I like your PFP. It sounds like you definitely do have interests and a personality. They're just being impeded by shame.

Honestly I know this advice gets tossed around a lot. But if you have access then a therapist can really, really help with this type of situation.

Normally they'd do exposure therapy. Essentially just pushing through the shame long enough to accomplish a goal despite it. I recommend therapy because doing this wrong can make it worse. If you can't access therapy though you can still do self exposure. The important thing is start small.

So for example if you can't bring yourself to go out in nature, just sitting on your porch is still progress. Stuff like that. Also sometimes it's not even necessary to make progress, sometimes it can be more about not regressing (if that makes sense).

 

[Chocomel]

I really really feel you on this one. I am in the same boat too. Sorry that I cannot provide any how to because I myself also stuck. But I want to say thank you for making this thread, I'll be watching it from now on so I can get tips of how to get my personality back

 

[chapitaupe]

Irrelevant to the post but I like your PFP. It sounds like you definitely do have interests and a personality. They're just being impeded by shame.

Honestly I know this advice gets tossed around a lot. But if you have access then a therapist can really, really help with this type of situation.

Normally they'd do exposure therapy. Essentially just pushing through the shame long enough to accomplish a goal despite it. I recommend therapy because doing this wrong can make it worse. If you can't access therapy though you can still do self exposure. The important thing is start small.

So for example if you can't bring yourself to go out in nature, just sitting on your porch is still progress. Stuff like that. Also sometimes it's not even necessary to make progress, sometimes it can be more about not regressing (if that makes sense).

Thank you so much for your advices! I'm also trying to build enough courage to go to therapy, because I know there's so much more to unpack and I can't do it completely on my own.
"Not regressing" totally makes sense to me, since I've felt like I've regressed a lot on a few aspects of my life because of depression. But yeah, most important is to start small, that's always a great beginning, better than nothing
Thank you a lot for your words, it really helped

 

[X-sanguinate86]

I can relate to this a bit. Social anxiety has also ruined my life.

I find I am mostly passionate when commiserating over my problems and criticisms of society and my environment but it's been ages since I've really found anyone with whom to do that. Plus some people think it is unhealthy. If it is unhealthy then I'm in bad shape because few to zero other topics of conversation will ever interest me anymore.

 

[Mrs. T-800]

You have the Internet. Watch not just TV and film but videos on topics that interest you. Read about those topics. Join forums. Talk. Do you live near a library? Go. Read about those topics, or anything that catches your fancy. Drop yourself anywhere on the Google Street View or the atlas and read about the country. Learn some of its current events and a few words in the language. Research something you see that you are curious about. Go down rabbit holes.
Take walks in your area and talk to people you see, even just a greeting. Notice things are you. How do you feel about the way certain things look? What would you do to change or preserve them? Could you do something about it at home? (My neighbor has ladybug stepping stones. For example, I find them cute, so I can go home and paint rocks like ladybugs and just leave them on my windowsill.) Pick up a litter. Let your thoughts roam.
Try geocaching, or go someplace you keep putting off. Even someplace small. Enjoy it the best you can and think about how it was to experience.
It's like this that I keep going. It is all low-stakes. Start small. At the library, maybe there are current events flyers. Read about them. Talk to the librarians about a certain topic or material. Conversation is good.
Learn some etiquette as well: how to properly stand, speak, walk, eat, etc. and apply it to your life. It can do wonders for your self image.

There is no shame. And no blame. But this is how I think we can begin to know ourselves better. Take a personal inventory. What do you (dis)like? Can you pinpoint why, or is it just that way? About skills – they take time. It's natural. They are difficult to obtain. They say, Rome wasn't built in a day. We didn't even learn to walk, talk, or eat instantly when we were born. You can do it!

I find also having a monthly small subscription helps me stay well rounded. I have the daily newspaper delivered to my house, but I joined a few mail clubs/newsletters and magazine subscriptions. If you can afford it, I recommend it. It's an inherent community. Send in opinion pieces on topics dear to you, or respond to things sent out.

 

[MapleS]

I really wanna respond to this but my brain is melted and wall of text is too hard
Anyway answering to the tittle I try new things and make choices between 2 things. Then I know what I like more. Then personality
If I have money I will choose sour cherries not sweet cherries. I will usually choose sour cherries... almost always sour cherries than strawberries and anything else.

I go to the store and want non-sweet snack. I will but myself pickled garlic as a reward.

Also I go to the grocery store. I tried diffrent vegetables over moths and I know I love cucumbers and cucumber lemonade

Also I tried drawing diffrent thins and started drawing fish. And I draw fish. And I guess that became my personality as my skills deteriorated and I can draw only fish now. But I tried fifteenth mediums over years. And my preferences changed. I like watercolors more than acrylics.

I have my values I try to follow even when It's garden this way.
There are types of people I don't like because of their values

I also like forests but I enjoy true meadows even more. I also was too scared to go there but after getting a bit better and being able to go outside I am going to the forest. I always liked it, it was always my personality. It was just covered by my mental illnes.

That's my thoughts. Sorry for reading only few sentences and not whole post

 

[JeyJeyOfJeypore]

I'm tired of having no passion, no personality. I don't know what caused this, if it's because i've spent most of my life depressed and too focused on trying to survive, or is it because I've always tried to copy people around me so they would appreciate me more (which failed eventually) which caused me to not know what I really enjoy in life, or is it because I've always been an uncurious person, a passive child, who's always been scared of trying new things because of social anxiety, or is it because my parents never supported or pushed me to try activities when I was a child? I really don't know but for the past few weeks I've become more self aware of how shallow I am.
Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy some stuff, like reading, watching movies and TV shows, music, video games, nature... Mostly internet-related stuff tbh. But when someone asks me what are my hobbies, I'm usually ashamed of responding one of those. They make me look like a lazy "couch potato". No offense, I reckon that's literally what I am. But I'm ashamed of that.
Even when I want to take a simple walk in the forest, anxiety takes over so I stay at home and feel guilty. When I want to try something new, I feel bad if I'm not immediatly good at it. And I keep having this strange feeling, when I wanna try something new, when I want to start doing more exercise for example, I just feel like an impostor, that I'm not allowed to do it. I keep getting negative feelings towards it. I really don't know how to explain it or what causes me to feel that way. Or I think I know, it's because I'm ashamed of my own existence and I always felt like those type of stuff are for other people, not me. That I'm forbidden to live like them, since I'm such a strange non-human.

Anyways, it is getting really tiring because it makes me isolate myself even more. I don't know how to overcome this deep feeling of shame. I really wish I had more courage.

depression does that to you

Nothing wrong with being a coach potatoe, depression does that to you

Id say you already have a pretty solid personality. Just repress it to the world that makes you feel unhuman and wanna kill yourself

So... welcome to the club