myrtaryniel

myrtaryniel

Member
Mar 28, 2019
74
I don't know if I marked this post adequately or if this should go on Off topic, sorry, I'm new to this forum.

I'm planning on ctb very soon and the only thing holding me back is the guilt for my family and friends after i'm gone. I know it won't matter to me once I die and that they'll eventually make peace with it, but I still know i'm going to destroy their lifes for a while and it's too much to bear. At the end of the day the decission I feel I have to make is to keep suffering for their well-being or finally end my pain.

Any thoughts on this? Do you also struggle with these feelings? and do you think there is remotely some way where you could make this a tiny bit easier for them?
 
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TheGoodGuy

TheGoodGuy

Visionary
Aug 27, 2018
2,999
I agree with it word for word I actually just checked your name to make sure this wasn´t a drunken post made by myself that I couldn´t remember lol.

I feel the same way I might ctb next week at at least in a few weeks and as it feels like it´s getting closer to my death these feelings you describe gets worse and worse because I know it will completely ruin my parents lives and I feel so guilty for bringing so much pain upon them especially because they are amazing parents and I love them very much plus they gave me paradise on Earth in my childhood and I feel like by killing myself and ruining their lives I will give them hell in return. And as you said when we die it actually won´t matter, well because we just seize to exist and won´t perceive anything but now when we are alive and overthink everything we our high self-awareness it´s torture to think how it will affect the people close to us for me that would be my brothers and parents.
 
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Rex2019

Rex2019

Can't wait for the summer
Feb 23, 2019
128
I don't know if I marked this post adequately or if this should go on Off topic, sorry, I'm new to this forum.

I'm planning on ctb very soon and the only thing holding me back is the guilt for my family and friends after i'm gone. I know it won't matter to me once I die and that they'll eventually make peace with it, but I still know i'm going to destroy their lifes for a while and it's too much to bear. At the end of the day the decission I feel I have to make is to keep suffering for their well-being or finally end my pain.

Any thoughts on this? Do you also struggle with these feelings? and do you think there is remotely some way where you could make this a tiny bit easier for them?

This is the only thing holding me back. I wanna stop existing so bad. I wish I knew the answer.
 
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TheFinalCountdown

TheFinalCountdown

Student
Mar 25, 2019
136
Guilt is a natural feeling but don't let it hold you back too much.

At the end of the day, you have to live for yourself, not other people
 
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Superfluous

Superfluous

...
Mar 16, 2019
973
I'm sort of fortunate in this respect as I broke contact with my family over 25 years ago, and currently live on the other side of the world from where I was born.

I do have 1 very good friend who I know will miss me when I'm gone. I've already spoken to him about it and explained why, and whilst he understands and accepts my decision, he's still clearly upset about it. I obviously feel guilty about this, and the only way for me to deal with this is to try and not think about the guilt.

Unfortunately, I don't have a magic formula. For me, I just keep my head full of other thoughts and distractions.
 
Superfluous

Superfluous

...
Mar 16, 2019
973
At my most apathetic ... the realization that I won't experience that guilt if I successfully ctb
Thankfully, no one will experience guilt after a successful ctb
 
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D

Donewith_

Elementalist
Sep 28, 2018
876
yes.. i feel a lot guilty. it makes me feel very bad.. hard to bear. when they give me things to eat that i liked before, and they include me in their future plans,.. idk its a lot to bear honestly and it makes me insane with guilt . i know that the things they were planning about me will never happen, their love on me leads them nowhere..idk how long the smile they got on their faces because of me lasts.. i hope i will be physically abandoned the way i was emotionally abandoned.
with my everything, i want people to love me less.. this is eating me inside.. with all this love on me, how will they cope when i leave? how?
i am with a lot number of questions.
 
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Z

Zamolxes

ONmyWAY
Mar 19, 2019
29
I don't know if I marked this post adequately or if this should go on Off topic, sorry, I'm new to this forum.

I'm planning on ctb very soon and the only thing holding me back is the guilt for my family and friends after i'm gone. I know it won't matter to me once I die and that they'll eventually make peace with it, but I still know i'm going to destroy their lifes for a while and it's too much to bear. At the end of the day the decission I feel I have to make is to keep suffering for their well-being or finally end my pain.

Any thoughts on this? Do you also struggle with these feelings? and do you think there is remotely some way where you could make this a tiny bit easier for them?
Write a note saying is nobody's fault and to that u love them so they dont have guilt afterwards and GOD bless
 

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