How to comfort someone?

[yume_]

So, I started thinking about this after a friend of mine started to vent to me.

He first started talking love talk, how he really liked this girl and how their relationship was going to shit.

I was thinking and even said to him that he was asking the worst person for this. I have no experience in love and have always been running away just so I can't be hurt.

There were many silent moments during this and it was very uncomfortable in general. But like, I can't give any advices as I just have no experience in this.

Later, he talked about how shitty his life has been and all the things he suffered from, like losing close relatives. Btw, I'm also the worst person to talk about this, my relationship with relatives is completely non-existent.


I read a lot of posts here, and people suffer a lot, I guess if they didn't they wouldn't be here. I think people here on sasu are pretty nice, I actually want to talk more to you guys, but I have no idea how to comfort someone, especially when I haven't passed through the same experience.

My friend later said that talking to me helped, but I can't feel like that helped at all. I guess being heard is already something, but I wanted to help more, maybe give advices? But I also don't want to fake understanding or to give bad advice.

So I ask you guys, how to comfort someone?

 

[NihilDoll]

I can only speak for myself obviously, but the most comforting thing is understanding and the truth.
This is where SaSu shines in my opinion. SaSu is a place where you can take of the mask. Where you can speak your mind about whatever is on your mind.
And it is a place where people can face the truth without judgement.

Believe me, talking *does* help tremendously, when it reaches someone who understands.
Talking from mask to mask isn't helpful, in some cases, it makes things even worse because it drives the point home just how fake everything has become.

But being able to openly speak your mind, no filter, no moral judgement, and just getting honest feedback, even if said feedback might sting... for me, it has been the biggest healing factor.
If you can't give advice, if you don't know what to say, saying just that is actually more than enough.
You listen, you understand and no one expects you to be the solution to every problem. And you don't need to be.
Be honest, just listening is already more than many are willing to offer.

 

[idfwlnh]

But being able to openly speak your mind, no filter, no moral judgement, and just getting honest feedback, even if said feedback might sting... for me, it has been the biggest healing factor.

At times, on messages, just by "listening", it feels empty somehow I'm not sure. But then I'm not sure what to say, like, am I supposed to encourage their idea or something? It is kinda clear that just making them talk all the way and we don't say anything feels like we don't care enough

 

[NihilDoll]

At times, on messages, just by "listening", it feels empty somehow I'm not sure. But then I'm not sure what to say, like, am I supposed to encourage their idea or something? It is kinda clear that just making them talk all the way and we don't say anything feels like we don't care enough

Sometimes, just saying things for the sake of saying things feels a lot emptier than just saying "I understand, i don't know what to say, but i'm always here to listen".
Empty words are much more silent than unspoken sympathy.

 

[idfwlnh]

Sometimes, just saying things for the sake of saying things feels a lot emptier than just saying "I understand, i don't know what to say, but i'm always here to listen".
Empty words are much more silent than unspoken sympathy.

Ahh I see, much appreciated!

 

[yume_]

If you can't give advice, if you don't know what to say, saying just that is actually more than enough.
You listen, you understand and no one expects you to be the solution to every problem. And you don't need to be.
Be honest, just listening is already more than many are willing to offer.

Yeah, Ig being honest is the best to do in these situations.

I wanted to be more helpful, but until I have actual good advice I'll stick to listening.

Do you have advice to not be awkward in these kind of situations? Or is it just a natural thing?

My social anxiety shines in these moments lol