Pawn shop guns aren't exactly sturdy performers but are actually pretty robust when you talk to the right vendor. Try searching your local urbans for a used gun and ammo shop if you're on the budget side of things. Start saving for Uber and bus fare if your suburban, or rurally trapped.
Now actual armory stores (Please do your firearm shopping in person especially if you're looking for a Ruger type. Do not buy ANY gun online unless directed. Do not make firearm purchases with a debit card either. Consider a credit card.) Gun purchases are very minty.
About an entire month's paycheck + ammo for anything new and if that's a substantial amount of income for you then maybe some saving is in order if need be.
Please work out some script before talking to a specialist and ask them about their first firearm and how involved they are in sport shooting.
If you need more hard non-local-to-the-internet-info, please speak to and, if you can, join a local shooting range and take their classes. Take advice from their instructors.
One misfire could damn you out of a second chance.
Please, when it comes to firearms, especially firearms, be diligent. This will be quite a process and you need to have a clean, non-diagnosed history in order to actually purchase one. A gun is obviously not an average consumer good, friend. I may implore you to look at more medical, herbal and chemical based alternatives if you can't lead this method informed.
When it comes to the lethality of guns, it's more of a matter of your anatomy and self-knowledge of the human body. ANY gun will fell you no matter how blunt if you *know* exactly where the bullet needs to go for a full blown blackout.
Try around in some veteran circles if they know a guy who knows a guy who can get you one in private.
Other than that, please sleep on this input and do not act unless you are VERY SURE that this is your way out.
Goodnight
