How to build the resolve to CTB when you're apathetic

[Yasuke]

I'm pretty much 99% certain that I want to die and ctb soon because life isn't worth living. Obviously I'm talking to people that haven't done it so I guess the question is moot. But I know death is the best thing for me just going about it sucks. Don't bother convincing me of other solutions as my only solution is death. There's nothing that can be saved for someone who doesn't want to work and suffer the consequences from it either to live let alone having no meaningful relationships on top of that.

The latest before I reach 30 since I'm 25 that gives me a maximum of 4 years left to live but I'm more interested in doing it this year. I'm lucky enough to not have to pay rent or work as I live with my parents for now but I know what the endgame is and I'm going to ctb before I'm forced to work till my late 60s miserably or whenever.

I'm just tired of living in a world that's all about work and isolation. I really don't care to live and survive just for the sake of it and I'm tired of people acting like this redeemable. If I had to work I don't know if that would push me over the edge or be complacent with working like most people are but being ok with being miserable is worse than suicide. I know it would be much harder and worse for me to force myself everyday to work till I'm old in this hell then to force the strength for one night.

It just sucks that it takes some effort and a plan you know because I'm just that lazy but I wish of course Euthanasia was available because I Would of done it years ago. I have to legitimately start making a plan, gather supplies,date, then not back out and have the resolve to see it through.

 

[LivingANDDying26]

Can relate to a lot of what you said. Even the 30 things. I'm a few yrs younger but still resonates

I too wonder how to find the resolve. I wonder if I don't have the resolve then what do I want.

I don't think it's black and white like that though. Life and death are so complicated.

I hope the clarity you need has come up a bit since you wrote this post and my PM's are always open

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Honestly no real easy answer. Fact is suicide is a high energy task and if you feel no huge motivation to do it your options are to either not do it or to wait for your mental state to deteriorate to a point where you do feel a need to do it.

 

[LivingANDDying26]

Honestly no real easy answer. Fact is suicide is a high energy task and if you feel no huge motivation to do it your options are to either not do it or to wait for your mental state to deteriorate to a point where you do feel a need to do it.

This is exactly what I've come to realize.
Like i kust wanted to vomment bc this especially resonates with me and how I think.

I refuse to do it when my mental state is worse off bc there is not enough clarity in that.