Help How to be a better friend?

[ChoclateIsSweet]

Hello! Last year my friend lost their dad and a few months later they started becoming chronically ill. I tried to visit them weekly and bring them things. Small things most of the times, like cookies and fruits. For the past 3 months I've moved further from them so I haven't seen them as often but we try to talk on call weekly, where we mostly read a book together or play a game. Between calls I try to send them funny videos and post I see on Instagram but they don't really reply. I know they've been agoraphobic for the a few months, so next time I'm in the area I plan to bring my projector so we can watch movies in their house.

We've been friends for over 10 years, and it's a weird feeling to see the light dim from someone's eyes so quickly. They're not as talkative as they once were and they stop mid-sentence most of the time or just blank out and they've dropped out of uni, despite trying so hard in the past (taking 2 hour trains almost daily just to get to lectures). I guess the quiet part is that I know they're probably struggling with suicidal ideation or very burnt out at the least.

I was agoraphobic during my teens with heavy suicidal ideation (still am but no active plans and methods anymore) and currently I'm just doing things I would've wanted from someone back then, but right now it doesn't feel enough. What other things can we do during the holidays in person? What things can we do when we call? What support can I give them? What would you have wanted from your friend, if you've ever been in a similar position? Or any advice at all really.

I'm not expecting them to change into who they were 2 years ago, because that's not something you can come back as the same person, but just to see a bit of their spark back. They're important to me and I've told them that in a very drunk and teary manner 2 years ago. They are still loved.

 

[nocatwaslost]

Hey, it is very sweet of you that you take such care of your friend and are there in these harsh times.

First I would like to say that it is this or their ultimate responsibility to take control of this life and you are not responsible that they get better. Taking the pressure of yourself can help you to stay in a clear headspace and staying a good friend.

Secondly I would advise to cautiously ask if they are getting professional help, have other persons to talk to, maybe offer them to find help together? It sounds like this person suffers a lot and not only having you could help alleviate the pain.

Also maybe saying in a sober and clear state that they are loved and important for you can also help the other person to be seen.