Help How the fuck do I cope??

[FERAL_FRENZY]

(First of all, I don't exactly know where I should put this post. I'm not sure if it falls under "Suicide Discussion" or "Recovery." I mean, I'm not exactly "recovering" if I'm still cutting myself like a piece of fruit.)

SH was my last resort for attempting to get rid of the godforsaken emptiness that continues to plague me day by day. While it did bring me some relief at first, now it feels just as dull as the rest of my coping mechanisms. It's now just another thing I do to pass the time. I'm at my wits end, and I literally don't know what else to do. I obviously can't tell my family because they'll immediately throw me into a psych ward, and I can't tell my online friends because they're just regular teenagers who have no idea what it's like to feel empty. I used to journal about my feelings when I was younger, but that just feels like talking to the void. Most of my time's spent drowning out my thoughts with music, but even that's not enough to completely drown out any sort of critical thinking. I think I'm fucked, but I'm still open to any advice given.

 

[GoatHerder]

It's difficult when nothing is fun anymore.

 

[MHCheese454]

"That's the Neat Part, You Don't." - Omni-Man.

My interpretation of life is you don't cope, because coping insinuates you're dealing with the problem, you just get ragdolled around until it ends.

Something which helps me is realizing I'll die in the future and life is short.

Assuming you're 20, the average life expectancy in the USA is 79. That's only 59 years. In 59 years, all of this will be over. You're going to probably be dead by then. So why kill yourself now, if you're going to die in the future? It's weird but it works for me. That's how I'm still alive even having mental breakdowns.

I'm going to die in the future, so why die now if I'm going to die soon? I just live through life waiting to die, I hope it comes soon, but it's just a waiting game.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

they're just regular teenagers who have no idea what it's like to feel empty.

How old r u?

Did you seek professional help? Therapy and the like?

Coping ain't that easy - coping also means accepting certain circumstances as facts and you would have to learn how to deal with them.

Coping also implies that you are ready to cope with the facts and you want to put effort into getting better.

 

[FERAL_FRENZY]

How old r u?

Did you seek professional help? Therapy and the like?

Coping ain't that easy - coping also means accepting certain circumstances as facts and you would have to learn how to deal with them.

Coping also implies that you are ready to cope with the facts and you want to put effort into getting better.

I am 18 years old, but I don't feel quite like an adult yet, so I still label myself as a teenager. I've been seeing both therapists and psychiatrists since I was 10. They strongly believe that I've got BPD but are unable to do anything for me because my country doesn't provide them with the proper resources to treat it. Aka DBT, or whatever they call it. That's what I've been told.

As for the second half, I feel like there's a huge part of me that still can't bear to face the reality of my situation. And maybe that is my problem. Any attempts to do so just leave me in tears. The truth is hard to swallow, I think. The fact that it feels much easier to SH than it does to face my fears blows my mind.

Hope I answered this properly

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Hope I answered this properly

Yes, you did. I would say without professional help it's gonna be very difficult. I'm sorry your country does not provide the means to treat you properly. There's a Recovery Section - maybe you wanna have a look there if there's sth in the resources that can help you if your goal is recovery.

 

[JaegerCA]

Idk if it'll work for you but for me energy drinks and nicotine. But even then the emptiness is still there.

 

[sugarb]

(First of all, I don't exactly know where I should put this post. I'm not sure if it falls under "Suicide Discussion" or "Recovery." I mean, I'm not exactly "recovering" if I'm still cutting myself like a piece of fruit.)

SH was my last resort for attempting to get rid of the godforsaken emptiness that continues to plague me day by day. While it did bring me some relief at first, now it feels just as dull as the rest of my coping mechanisms. It's now just another thing I do to pass the time. I'm at my wits end, and I literally don't know what else to do. I obviously can't tell my family because they'll immediately throw me into a psych ward, and I can't tell my online friends because they're just regular teenagers who have no idea what it's like to feel empty. I used to journal about my feelings when I was younger, but that just feels like talking to the void. Most of my time's spent drowning out my thoughts with music, but even that's not enough to completely drown out any sort of critical thinking. I think I'm fucked, but I'm still open to any advice given.

I'll just share some of mine:

- Posting feelings
I use this site in part as an open diary. I don't say all the same things I would in my diary, but it's less lonely than being entirely invisible

- Family time
Not everyone's family is good, but if they are, it can be nice to do random stuff together

- Making music
I'm not very good at it, but I enjoy making music in Garageband. It's a free MIDI program for iPhone and other platforms that isn't too hard to use. I especially like that it's easy to start and stop projects and compared to something like writing a story you don't have to do much to make a rough draft.

- Writing
Even if it's just a paragraph I never finish or lore I'll never use, it can be enjoyable. Roleplay's also fun. I got pretty good at making chatbots on c.ai for a while and made some friends from that I still have today.

- AI stuff
IThere's this AI music site, Udio, that's free (with a daily limit) and while the vocals are bad the instrumentals can be pretty neat. It's fun to mess around with if nothing else

- Media
Reading/watching/playing various media. Sometimes just making popcorn and having a movie night, reading something good, or playing an interesting game is surprisingly therapeutic. I've watched/read a few interesting things over the last month- Dr. Strangelove, The Host, Splinter, the Mad Max and Good/Bad/Ugly trilogies, and a really good webcomic suggested to me here, Fresh Meat. Really good media is rare but excellent coping material

Getting really into fandoms is also a good distraction, especially the more dramatic ones. I only watched like five episodes of JJK but the agendaposting is hilarious so I hang out on that sub sometimes

- Logic
As MHCheese said- we're all going to die eventually. I find it comforting to think that no matter what happens there's no way in hell I'm living more than 80 years. Which is a long time, of course, but it's not forever. I just remind myself: It's not forever. As long as I'm patient, quiet, and careful, I'll be out of here before too long. And if I mess up, I'll still get out eventually.

- Imagination
Sometimes I just get lost in my thoughts, dreaming up whole plots or scenes in my head and sort of seeing them. If I get really into it it can be a good escape. I've read that having such a detailed, vivid imagination / inner world is a common autistic thing. so it might be difficult if you're not on the spectrum. Or it might not, I dunno.

Anyway, hope that's helpful!