How sure are you that you will CTB?

[enough of this]

Nearly 100%. I can't imagine leaving this world any other way.

 

[Realog11]

Nearly 100%. I can't imagine leaving this world any other way.

Same

 

[nitrogenous]

At first, I thought there was hope, and even when I attempted in the past and survived, I thought maybe it's a sign that things can get better. Guess what? It doesn't. It gets worse and worse. Those people in my safety plan who are meant to help me instead turned their backs onto me, saying that when I told them my problem, I'm harming the staff's wellbeing, kicked me out and threatened to call the police on me. They know all of this would reassure my assumption on how there's no more help. I do still conflicted, but I'm leaning way towards ctb at this point. Just waiting to order my means and plan thoroughly without getting caught.

 

[Betsy007]

100% Even if life were great, leaving death to chance, nature, or the medical system will most likely give me a lingering, painful death.

 

[Unsure and Useless]

I don't have any other choice. I am too defective to live, staying here any longer is just making those around me suffer

So… 99%

 

[woofwag]

Full suspension hanging. I failed tho, I'll try again tomorrow 4pm

Hey you still doing ok? Hoping everything's alright with you

Personally, I noticed that in the past, when I took a cocktail of pills until I passed out, I had much less anxiety and more calm than having N or SN in my hands. Because the first one seemed like a gamble to see if I'd die, while the second is almost a sentence.

I'd say today I'm at 80%. Some days I'm at 50%, others at 99%.

Suicidal ideation is very different when you don't have poison in your hands versus when you have a lethal poison.

Very true. Once I got my SN I felt so much more calm about CTB'ing, but I think actually taking it is going to be a massive challenge. Idk how long it will take me. The reality of confronting mortality is truly horrifying when it's right in your hands.