Discussion how open are you about your depression?

[Hibiki]

today i told my therapist that i don't feel like i belong anywhere, or that i feel out of place most of the time, regardless of whom i'm with. she suggested i open up to my friends about my depression since i said that was the main reason i felt this way. i suppose she was just very adamant about it, as if it were the only way i could feel closer with my friends, but i just don't see how it could help.

apparently, hiding my depression from my friends is preventing me from being my true self around them, and i guess i can see where she's coming from because i feel like i often can't add to my friends' conversations—i said in an earlier post of mine that "i can't think of a single thing to talk about because all that goes through my head are sexual and suicidal thoughts." the main friends i hang out with at school bond with me through showing me an anime they really like, which is neat, but i feel like:
1) i don't get the opportunity to share my own interests with them... not just because they're too excited to get me into theirs, but also because i don't even know what i would say if i had the chance to talk about mine. i don't feel nearly as much joy talking about my interests as i used to. i'm a soulless husk of a creature.
2) i'll never get any closer with them than i am now because literally all we talk about is this very anime, and when we don't i am silent. i don't know how to get to know them as people better, and i don't know how to get them to know me. do i even want them to? what is there to know about me besides the fact that i'm a stupid mutt who craves nothing but sex and death? what do i even offer; what do they get out of being my friend? opening up about my depression would just make me even more of a burden.

however, my boyfriend does know about my depression. he knows everything. my "close" friends from high school know too, but they only found out because they were already close enough to me to the point where it just came out naturally (also, one of these friends stopped talking to me specifically because of my suicidal thoughts). how did i manage to reach that point in our friendship back then? i genuinely don't know or remember. how can i reach that point with my current/new friends? i don't know how to make friends.

i loathe talking about my feelings, at least in depth, and i don't want my friends to feel like they need to care about me specifically because i'm depressed. and it's so stupid, so contradictory, because i literally parade around with my sh scars on full display. it's not like i'm hiding anything on purpose; i just don't find certain things worth saying. is that so wrong? surely there's another way, right?

what about you all? do you like opening up to loved ones about your depression? what experiences have you had from doing so? i have this feeling that a lot of us tend not to, because we automatically assume most people don't understand, or we just don't want to burden others... but i don't really know.

tl;dr: my therapist told me to tell my friends about my depression in order to feel closer with them/strengthen our friendship and i want to know if this is genuinely good advice and how many others have done the same thing

official art from blue archive

 

[EternalShore]

I'm sorry about the difficulty you have with talking to your friends~ >_< idk how to talk to people irl much either tbh~ :( I just lack common interests with others, so even tho I'll listen to all their stuff, they see no attachment to be made with me and leave~ :( as such, well, I'm open about my depression with basically everyone I talk to (SS)~ xD
and then, there's work where you're not allowed to be depressed ofc~ idk~ I think I had a chance to talk about it recently when someone asked, but it was rather complicated in that instance (nsfw-related), so I chose just to dodge it instead~
ngl, being without friends tho, there's no reason to make myself less appealing than I alreayd am~ :( it just rather sucks to have to pretend all the time~ :/

 

[monetpompo]

my therapist told me to tell my friends about my depression in order to feel closer with them/strengthen our friendship and i want to know if this is genuinely good advice and how many others have done the same thing

i think that you should actually NOT tell the people you're close to about your depression. it depends on the way you say it, and also how open they seem to discussing mental health. it seems like since you don't have much to talk about with them besides surface level stuff like anime, so i think you need to know them longer to discuss stuff like that. since it would be seen as oversharing to most normal folks. i know people can bond by having similar struggles/dealing with depression, but it can also be seen as offputting to people that haven't dealt with the same thing. with my trans friends, i can connect with them by talking about the inherent loneliness that stems from my identity. but that's a different dynamic than the norm. i do get the mindset that would lead to your therapist thinking "hiding my depression from my friends is preventing me from being my true self around them", but depression is naturally touchier than small talk.

1) i don't get the opportunity to share my own interests with them... not just because they're too excited to get me into theirs, but also because i don't even know what i would say if i had the chance to talk about mine. i don't feel nearly as much joy talking about my interests as i used to. i'm a soulless husk of a creature.
2) i'll never get any closer with them than i am now because literally all we talk about is this very anime, and when we don't i am silent. i don't know how to get to know them as people better, and i don't know how to get them to know me. do i even want them to?

you've got to talk about your interests anyways, broham. that's how you have conversations and bond with people, even if it sounds simpler than it really is. i don't have a lot of common interests with my friends, but i enjoy having anything to talk about with them because i like hanging out with them. think about your conversations with your boyfriend and try to adapt them into conversations you can have with your friends, since you already tell him everything. when i still had a close friend, i used my relationship with him as a basis for what i can talk about with others. since i still felt pretty self conscious about opening myself up to people.

i think that you do want to know them better. it's the hedgehog's dilemma, where you want to get close with them but you're afraid of them not liking you if you become more vulnerable. i kind of come off as mysterious when i'm not open about my feelings. i have to make sure i don't say self loathing things or overshare about the things i've been fixating on at home, and just try to enjoy the moment. i'm very bad at enjoying the moment, so i'm a hypocrite. being able to be present is something i get told a lot because i put myself down in my head and overanalyze my thoughts while a person talks.

how can i reach that point with my current/new friends?

talking about more stuff, doing stuff with them. there's no easy answer besides time, since that makes people closer. i have kind of an easy time bonding with people (ish) but i also ghost people when i get anxious. i feel like there's an outer layer and an inner layer that i'm ashamed of. i say a lot of things without thinking. some people find that endearing. people consider me a good person to be around because i like to listen, and i'm funny, so i have that going for me even though i feel like i don't have any "good" friends. i just don't seem to have anything in common with anyone to be close enough with people.

the best thing to do is be a good person, even if me explaining it might not make any sense. a mental trick i tried to do when i felt afraid or like i should just close myself off is act my sister, who has lots of friends and believes in herself. i don't know if you have anyone like that. she kind of changes her whole attitude to be more confident, even if she really isn't, so i want to try and emulate that even if i'm super scared inside.

what about you all? do you like opening up to loved ones about your depression? what experiences have you had from doing so?

with the people that i'm close to who know about it, they know-know about it. it's pretty embarrassing because they're so actuely aware of it. my sister only knows bits and pieces, like my rope and stool and how i hate our mom. it's tough not feeling like i'm a burden to the people who know about it, since i try to push them away a lot. but it's nice knowing they don't hate me no matter how much i think i'm a garbage person. most people aren't gonna be mentally equipped, and sometimes you'll have to reassure them you won't kill yourself or that you're "getting better", even if you're just lying. most people can't grasp that recovery isn't a linear process. i also get kind of fed up with stupid lovey frou-frou "every day is beautiful" nonsense.

mental health is expectedly a landmine. the safest way to have a conversation about it is in private, in a relaxed environment. i usually only have 1 on 1 conversations about it. i'll never talk about it to people (MEN) that would downplay the way i've been feeling. i'd never want to talk about my depression around a guy because he'd just say to go to the gym or some nonsense.

 

[sadworm]

today i told my therapist that i don't feel like i belong anywhere, or that i feel out of place most of the time, regardless of whom i'm with. she suggested i open up to my friends about my depression since i said that was the main reason i felt this way. i suppose she was just very adamant about it, as if it were the only way i could feel closer with my friends, but i just don't see how it could help.

apparently, hiding my depression from my friends is preventing me from being my true self around them, and i guess i can see where she's coming from because i feel like i often can't add to my friends' conversations—i said in an earlier post of mine that "i can't think of a single thing to talk about because all that goes through my head are sexual and suicidal thoughts." the main friends i hang out with at school bond with me through showing me an anime they really like, which is neat, but i feel like:
1) i don't get the opportunity to share my own interests with them... not just because they're too excited to get me into theirs, but also because i don't even know what i would say if i had the chance to talk about mine. i don't feel nearly as much joy talking about my interests as i used to. i'm a soulless husk of a creature.
2) i'll never get any closer with them than i am now because literally all we talk about is this very anime, and when we don't i am silent. i don't know how to get to know them as people better, and i don't know how to get them to know me. do i even want them to? what is there to know about me besides the fact that i'm a stupid mutt who craves nothing but sex and death? what do i even offer; what do they get out of being my friend? opening up about my depression would just make me even more of a burden.

however, my boyfriend does know about my depression. he knows everything. my "close" friends from high school know too, but they only found out because they were already close enough to me to the point where it just came out naturally (also, one of these friends stopped talking to me specifically because of my suicidal thoughts). how did i manage to reach that point in our friendship back then? i genuinely don't know or remember. how can i reach that point with my current/new friends? i don't know how to make friends.

i loathe talking about my feelings, at least in depth, and i don't want my friends to feel like they need to care about me specifically because i'm depressed. and it's so stupid, so contradictory, because i literally parade around with my sh scars on full display. it's not like i'm hiding anything on purpose; i just don't find certain things worth saying. is that so wrong? surely there's another way, right?

what about you all? do you like opening up to loved ones about your depression? what experiences have you had from doing so? i have this feeling that a lot of us tend not to, because we automatically assume most people don't understand, or we just don't want to burden others... but i don't really know.

tl;dr: my therapist told me to tell my friends about my depression in order to feel closer with them/strengthen our friendship and i want to know if this is genuinely good advice and how many others have done the same thing

official art from blue archive

I totally get what your therapist means to an extent , but I also very much empathize with your point of view. I also think it's unfair for her to imply that your depression is inherently tied into your self identity. I used to be far more open about my depression and it resulted in it being used against me in arguments, people talking bad about me, and generally thinking things I didnt want them to think about me. it made people think I was attention seeking when I was really just looking for connection. I don't think there is any way to phrase it that won't make people think you're just begging for attention, that's why I stopped being as open about it. which means, no posting about it on social media in any sense, but it's ok to tell people you've been going through a rough time in general. don't give them any details, they don't want to know. the most you can say is I've been depressed lately, and even that is a stretch outside of most people's comfort zones when it comes to small talk. I used to post on a private snapchat story like 4 years ago and I was constantly oversharing and it just made everybody think I was pathetic and crazy. it's better for them not to know, especially if they're not super close friends. people have said mental illness has been de stigmatized , but it very much has not based on my personal experience. people do not want to know you're depressed or struggling in any way. it makes them uncomfortable and makes them think you're overwhelming and a liability to have in their life. people didn't want to be around me when I was open about my mental state. nobody wants to be friends with somebody that doesn't appreciate life, so sadly, the only thing that has worked for me is avoidance and lying. being depressed WILL be used against you if you get into any kind of disagreement, and that's why it's better to keep it hidden, so people take you more seriously. and when it comes to loved ones, for me it's the same case. my mom got so exhausted hearing about it and dealing with it that now any time she is reminded of my mental illness she gets very angry at me. it's better to keep it between yourself and a few trusted individuals that you are certain won't abandon you when you're at your lowest. please know that everything I have just said is an extremely pessimistic outlook on this, I don't think I'm necessarily right at all, this is just my personal experience. I'm sure the world is far less cruel in reality. take all the feedback into consideration but definitely do not consider mine as the most realistic of all the replies lol. I'm sure the people in your life don't actually see you as a liability and stuff, probably not with me either, I just can't help but feel that way most of the time. I hope the world is kinder than I think it is . I wish you luck and I hope you can find people to open up to, they do exist. sending love

 

[Irisse]

My family knows that I'm depressed and suicidal while my friend only knows about depression. I had another friend back in high school and when I told her about my suicidality she stopped hanging out with me. Never again will I be dumb enough to trust someone with this information.