How old were you when you first experienced suicidal thoughts?

[whalesounds]

I think I was 4, but I got vocal about it at 7. I hadn't actually learned about suicide until around that time. The feeling the idea gave me became really addictive.

At 4 I would struggle to truly connect with anybody on my end, as if there was some deep need not being met, but was unfair to ask of people. I didn't have shared interests or thoughts with anybody for quite some time, and the frustration I felt towards my life begged a level of delicateness I found exhausting. I was suffocating in everything I did. I remember occasionally wishing I had never existed. Everything felt performative and truly lonely.

At 7, I figured suicide was on everybody's mind, and horrified my dear mother when I attempted to expressed myself to her in as much delicateness as a 7 year old could muster.

 

[Tommen Baratheon]

1 minute old. I was crying so much already

If we're that way I think I can beat you. When I was born I had the naval cord around my neck. My face was blue and I had a collapsed lung. Too bad my first "suicide attempt" failed.

 

[Valhala]

18.Cutting veins, drug intoxication and an attempt to jump from a multi-story building.

 

[doingus]

good question! I feel like I've been suicidal for most, if not all of my life. It probably got worse in middle school because that was a terrible period of my life. I tried to kill myself (without success, as i had no clue what i was doing) for the first time when I was around 8-10 I'd say? Maybe earlier

 

[-Tandem-]

11 or 12 is when it started. By 13 I wanted to die 100% Still haven't fuckin done it

 

[needthebus]

11

 

[traintracks.mp3]

I had been suffering from various psychiatric conditions that made me view life as painful since I was 5, but at 8 is when I first wanted to die. 10 was my first attempt.

 

[curiouscvnt]

8 y/o is the earliest i remember not wanting to exist and hiding in my closet or under the bed, the darkest places in my room, so i would have trouble seeing any part of myself (passively suicidal).
The first time i remember thinking of actually harming myself was around 10 y/o, when i thought of crushing my chest with chunks of concrete in my family's backyard. Back then those kinds of thoughts were super connected to perceived / experienced disappointments or failures and would only come up under higher stress.
I've never attempted to ctb, but am planning on doing so before i'm 30 y/o (i'm 24 now).

 

[fearofthedark]

My mother died when I was very young. Once I really understood what that meant, I started wondering if i could CTB to see her again. I believe that I was around 6 or 7.