Discussion How old are you and how long have you been depressed or suicidal?

[rururiruru]

the first strike was probably in 2012/2013
things went through and yet theyre still there haunting

 

[tipoftheRGB]

I'm 28 and have been depressed/suicidal for 9 months.

I'm sorry for all of you who have been depressed and suicidal since a young age or for a long time and hope you find something worth living for one day.

 

[LastDayOnEarth]

22, been wanting to die since my teen years

 

[Alexandra0]

I'm 30.5 and I've been suffering all my adult life

 

[orpheus_]

20. suicidal for 4 years. depressed probably since I was 9 or so but it got way fucking worse those 4 years ago

 

[dewdrop]

I'm 18 now. I was extremely anxious since I was a little baby, especially socially. My heart would race like crazy. Mute until I was 6 or 7. The feelings of self hatred and hopelessness started at 5, but I didn't really think about suicide until 9 when I hit puberty and started self harming. It's been downhill since then.

 

[gutsofanangel444]

I thought that it all really started when I was 11, but I recently found some CAMHS documents from when I was in year 3 (age 8) where I was referred to CAMHS for anxiety, low self esteem, and because I'd told one of my parents that I heard a voice telling me to die, and I wanted to kill myself. There was probably no sincerity in this- I was only a child and would've had no real grasp on the concept of suicide- but it was both interesting and disheartening to read about.

 

[enough of this]

I'm soon 30, and I remember crying and praying to God to kill me when I was around 13/14 yo. My parents just got divorced, my father was beating my mother, I was an outsider at school. I remember standing on the balcony, thinking about jumping.

I'll be 76 in a few weeks, if I make it. I've got surgery coming up on June 2nd, and you never know what might happen.

I started getting depressed at a very early age, like, when I was just a little kid. That's what happens when you have crazy parents. It got super bad when I got to be about 14. Then, when I went away to college, it got a lot worse.

I don't know how I've managed to make it this far. I think about CTB every day. I take benzos for my anxiety, but I still dwell on suicide. It's gotten worse in the last few years, with the world going the way it is, and all.

 

[whywere]

I'll be 76 in a few weeks, if I make it. I've got surgery coming up on June 2nd, and you never know what might happen.

I started getting depressed at a very early age, like, when I was just a little kid. That's what happens when you have crazy parents. It got super bad when I got to be about 14. Then, when I went away to college, it got a lot worse.

I don't know how I've managed to make it this far. I think about CTB every day. I take benzos for my anxiety, but I still dwell on suicide. It's gotten worse in the last few years, with the world going the way it is, and all.

I will have you in my thoughts and prayers when you have surgery, as you are a wonderful friend and we are ALL in this together.

Hugs, love and the knowledge that you are a good friend, and I will have you in my nightly prayers when I retire for the evening.

Walter

 

[SchizoGymnast]

I'm 28 and have been depressed/suicidal for 9 months.

I'm sorry for all of you who have been depressed and suicidal since a young age or for a long time and hope you find something worth living for one day.

I can only speak for myself, but for me, it's not about having nothing to live for. I have tons to live for. It's about fatigue. It's about wanting to find my place and magical thinking. It's about the sense that as amazing as a life can be, like any good book, it must end and wanting some control over the ending.

 

[Amile]

23, i have been suicidal since 13.

 

[enough of this]

I will have you in my thoughts and prayers when you have surgery, as you are a wonderful friend and we are ALL in this together.

Hugs, love and the knowledge that you are a good friend, and I will have you in my nightly prayers when I retire for the evening.

Walter

Thank you so much, Walter. It helps me knowing the thoughts and prayers of the good friend you are, are with me.

Hadyn

 

[Nobodi]

29 years old been depressed since 13 I remember feeling the first intense feeling of sadness. It felt like my heart be gripped tightly

 

[wham311]

8 months. I'm 38. It will never, ever get better.

 

[tipoftheRGB]

I can only speak for myself, but for me, it's not about having nothing to live for. I have tons to live for. It's about fatigue. It's about wanting to find my place and magical thinking. It's about the sense that as amazing as a life can be, like any good book, it must end and wanting some control over the ending.

The first 3 of those can hopefully be fixed. As for wanting control over the ending, I get you. Everyone should be allowed to choose a painless death if thats what they want for themselves.

 

[bluesky123]

35. First attempt was when I was 13. I think all told there's been about a year of my life (cumulatively) since then when I didn't want to die.

 

[isthisit?]

I've always been depressed but Id say 13-14 is when I gave up on life. Now Im 19 and everything is actually looking up. Faith saves

 

[EquinoxAlchemist]

I'm not going say my exact age but i am above 20. The first time I've actively wanted to die was when I was in third grade and I kept wanting to jump in front of a car. Never did, always beat myself up for it.

 

[anonymous568]

21 and more than half of my life since I started understanding the world and started seeking help past few years . I have a chronic health condition too which makes it worse even if I convince myself I'm happy i just look at myself and don't think it's fair I should have to suffer and act like I'm okay . People say I'll grow up and life's got so much experiences but life's what you make it and I don't chose to want to experience a world where I have health issues and just over life and I know I'll think like this forever . I see it as a mature perspective tbh that I can see the pros and cons of life and I've evaluated for my own life what I think is best for me specifically . Some of my friends have found happiness in this life but I just can't comprehend it I feel like I want something more or different not this world and I think a lot about how we even came here and stuff and why I should just accept all the social norms I guess maybe mental health plays at part in my thinking

 

[karakoltriste]

im 30 depressed and suicidal since... 10-12?.

 

[before20]

19 (almost 20) rn. First attempt at 11. Been suicidal on-and-off since then.